clearly there are spiritual matters too high for me to understand. I'm so glad God that you are humble, gracious, slow to anger and slow to judge. I'm sorry for all the times I have judged you, when it is me that is under judgement. You are the one who is beyond reproach and everything you do must be perfect and right, You are the only One who is loving enough to send Your only Son to die for us. I'm sorry and get it twisted and wonder why He had to die when You could have just forgiven us, You know best how to order Your Creation, If You say there is no atonement for sin without the shedding of Blood then I choose to trust and believe You are right. You have more than proved Yourself to me to be loving and merciful, I will not forget all the things You have done for me and will trust in You to deliver me from smoking and schitzophrenia so I don't end up in hell. Thank You for not killing me yet or letting satan kill me. I choose to trust what I can't understand all I have to remember is that like the song says - in the Light of Your Face all our questions die, all our questions fade away. I believe on the day of resserection we will understand all things and by then we won't even care we will just be so happy to be with You. Please please help me and everyone to deal with our doubts and fears that You are not good and to cope with all the suffering around us in this world and not blame You. I love you God, Amen. Thank you so much everyone for your constant prayers for me I appreciate it.