Keway
Disciple of Prayer
Hello, whoever is reading this.
I need to make a confession but I don't know who to confess to, and I'm to ashamed to confess to someone i know.
So i will post it here.
Ok. For context, i am 13 years old. I have struggled with lust for a long time now. I was exposed to pornographic content from a young age. And I'm talking very young, like 7 or 8. My father has always been sexually explicit around me and my siblings. I don't know if this has anything to do with it. He sexually assaulted me when i was around 6 years old.
It wasn't that bad, I never even considered sexual assault, and still don't, really. But I'm thinking this might have something to do with it so it's worthwhile to mention it.
I also want to mention that he sexually assaulted my sister, and many times would grope her right in front of me and my brother. I had sexually explicit thoughts and fantasies from a very young age.
One day, i was around 10 years old, if my memory serves me right, i found an adult toy in my mum's room. I took it, and i used it. I, from then on, used it basically every day for a long time. Eventually, i got so disgusted that i just threw it out. I put it in a bag on me and my sister's bedroom door, which we used as a bin. However, i did not take the battery out, and i got a call from her, my sister, saying that there was "a bee" in the bin. I'm pretty sure you can guess what this so-called "bee" actually was. In a panic to not have her find out what it was, i simply grabbed the bag, and ran away. The bit in-between this is a bit foggy but i do know that eventually, in a panic, i ran onto our terris and threw the bag off of it, into basically a mini-junkyard. We still live in this house, and I could only assume that bag is still there, which i hate to think about.
After this, i found myself still having sexual desires. Somehow, i figured out how to masturbate by myself. This because an addictive habit to replace the other one, though in theory it was basically the same. So the dirty habit continued on.
my father got reported and arrested for sexually assaulting my sister, by the way. He no longer lives with us.
I was consistently watching porn, and masturbating sometimes several times per day. Mind you, at this point, I'm an 11-12 year old girl. I found myself joining discord groups for porn and masturbation, often teen ones. I don't know why and the thought disgusts me to this day, and while i was doing it. But nevertheless, it has happened.
I remember finding another little girl on the server who was curious and asking me questions about explicit subjects. At some point, WITHOUT MY ASKING TO, she sent me a video of what she called "a way some boys on the server showed her how to feel good"
At this point i told the girl to never show those kind of pictures or videos to anyone, never to watch porn, and that she was way too young to do anything like that. (i do not remember the exact conversation, but that's basically what i said) .
I went on to delete that discord account and start a new one. Now, i only join Christian servers and text my good Christian friends.
I was a stupid little kid, and I didn't think it through. Every time i think about it, i feel an overwhelming shame and guilt, that makes me sick to my stomach. I am at least glad i told her not to engage with that stuff, otherwise nobody might have told her. I hope she listened, and is living a good life now, far away from that. I just wish i knew who she was so i could apologise for my stupid mistakes.
I really hope this doesn't make me a horrible person, i was just a stupid little kid, and i will always, always regret that.
I really hope somebody understands and doesn't condemn me. Thank you for reading. Thank you so much. It would be much appreciated if you could pray for me, and that little girl. Thank you.
I am still trying to break free of my porn addiction. But, at least i have not done anything of that sort since. Aside from AI bots, it's been exclusively by myself. I would NEVER repeat or replicate my past actions. I would rather die.
Lord have mercy on me, a sinner!
I need to make a confession but I don't know who to confess to, and I'm to ashamed to confess to someone i know.
So i will post it here.
Ok. For context, i am 13 years old. I have struggled with lust for a long time now. I was exposed to pornographic content from a young age. And I'm talking very young, like 7 or 8. My father has always been sexually explicit around me and my siblings. I don't know if this has anything to do with it. He sexually assaulted me when i was around 6 years old.
It wasn't that bad, I never even considered sexual assault, and still don't, really. But I'm thinking this might have something to do with it so it's worthwhile to mention it.
I also want to mention that he sexually assaulted my sister, and many times would grope her right in front of me and my brother. I had sexually explicit thoughts and fantasies from a very young age.
One day, i was around 10 years old, if my memory serves me right, i found an adult toy in my mum's room. I took it, and i used it. I, from then on, used it basically every day for a long time. Eventually, i got so disgusted that i just threw it out. I put it in a bag on me and my sister's bedroom door, which we used as a bin. However, i did not take the battery out, and i got a call from her, my sister, saying that there was "a bee" in the bin. I'm pretty sure you can guess what this so-called "bee" actually was. In a panic to not have her find out what it was, i simply grabbed the bag, and ran away. The bit in-between this is a bit foggy but i do know that eventually, in a panic, i ran onto our terris and threw the bag off of it, into basically a mini-junkyard. We still live in this house, and I could only assume that bag is still there, which i hate to think about.
After this, i found myself still having sexual desires. Somehow, i figured out how to masturbate by myself. This because an addictive habit to replace the other one, though in theory it was basically the same. So the dirty habit continued on.
my father got reported and arrested for sexually assaulting my sister, by the way. He no longer lives with us.
I was consistently watching porn, and masturbating sometimes several times per day. Mind you, at this point, I'm an 11-12 year old girl. I found myself joining discord groups for porn and masturbation, often teen ones. I don't know why and the thought disgusts me to this day, and while i was doing it. But nevertheless, it has happened.
I remember finding another little girl on the server who was curious and asking me questions about explicit subjects. At some point, WITHOUT MY ASKING TO, she sent me a video of what she called "a way some boys on the server showed her how to feel good"
At this point i told the girl to never show those kind of pictures or videos to anyone, never to watch porn, and that she was way too young to do anything like that. (i do not remember the exact conversation, but that's basically what i said) .
I went on to delete that discord account and start a new one. Now, i only join Christian servers and text my good Christian friends.
I was a stupid little kid, and I didn't think it through. Every time i think about it, i feel an overwhelming shame and guilt, that makes me sick to my stomach. I am at least glad i told her not to engage with that stuff, otherwise nobody might have told her. I hope she listened, and is living a good life now, far away from that. I just wish i knew who she was so i could apologise for my stupid mistakes.
I really hope this doesn't make me a horrible person, i was just a stupid little kid, and i will always, always regret that.
I really hope somebody understands and doesn't condemn me. Thank you for reading. Thank you so much. It would be much appreciated if you could pray for me, and that little girl. Thank you.
I am still trying to break free of my porn addiction. But, at least i have not done anything of that sort since. Aside from AI bots, it's been exclusively by myself. I would NEVER repeat or replicate my past actions. I would rather die.
Lord have mercy on me, a sinner!
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Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesusโ name bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. Bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, and Your righteousness. Help and strengthen me God to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. 
Let's lift up 
Let's lift up @AlexanderYondel's request for protection over his family. May the Lord watch over their sleep tonight.
And a general shoutout for everyone dealing with health issues or needing peace. We're with you! 
Hello everyone, let's gather in prayer! 
