So, I started this year thinking it was going ...

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tdayy

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So, I started this year thinking it was going to be just like last year. Then I had hope that it wasn't going to be the same. But now it seems as if it's a replica. I was hoping to move, but can't...I keep getting rejection letters. It feels that all doors are closed...once again. Last year, I heard God will open doors...he didn't for me. But, when I look at others lives, God is opening doors left and right for them last and this year.I believed, had hope but comes crashing down. I still feel so excluded...I hate myself for trusting Him. Because if He so chose He could have changed my life around. Soon the last bit of my family will be gone, then I will be alone. I need to prepare, save money...or I will probably be in debt or homeless.

If you read this far, ha, kudos for you. Anyways, I'm suicidal. I want to cut myself. Whenever I see God open doors for others, I want to grab a knife and drill it inside of me. I haven't, I hear God's voice. He tells me not to and come to Him...don't know what "come to Him" means. Anyways, I believe God is a deep sadist.

So, pray if you want, just don't get on my nerves in the comment area

I don't need your judgments, just pray please.
 
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