Anonymous
Beloved of All
I feel like a big pile of dog poo, right now. I have a cold, and am hacking up yucky stuff. My body feels tired, and my mother is in a bad mood, and her negative energy is causing me to stress, and it's cause me to feel more sick. Now I'm in a nasty state of depression. I feel worthless, I can't do anything except rest because of my illness. So I'm trapped with my thoughts. I've been feeling lonely all day. I wish I had a wife to be here with me in my sickness and nurture me. But I'm pretty much on my own and now I'm feeling like I'll never meet her. Never get to experince true love or intimacy and im angry about that. I hate being sick cause i always wind up in a bad depressed mood. I hate it. I'm tired of it. It's not fair. Why am I still single. 25 years old and had very few relationships, and feel worthless and stupid in a church full of peers who don't have that problem. I feel like God just hates me. I feel like he does not want me to be happy. I won't ever get to experience sex, or intimacy, or anything like that. I have been waiting to give my virginity to my wife, and I don't have one, and it looks like is is not one in my future, and I can't have sex with strangers cause its a sin and i dont have a wife so I have no proper release. What kinda sick joke is that. Sex outside of marrage is a sin, butif your married its okay. I havr a strong sex drive. But no wife. Masturbation is a sin. Sex outside of marriage is a sin, so I'm stuck. And does God care that I'm struggling. No. He won't answer my prayers for a wife. It makes me so mad. I think I was just made to suffer. I'm sure someone's gonna chastise me for this post, but I don't care. Judge all you want. You don't know what I've been through.