SarahGJHS
Disciple of Prayer
Hello my brothers and sisters in Christ! <3 
Since I was saved 17 years ago, I have always prayed that God will help me to have very strong faith and love for Him through everything. Well, God is so perfect and amazing, because, He has allowed SO much struggle to come upon me for such a long time, that I have come to love suffering and I am filled with so much love for God, His joy and peace, and my love for God is so deep. However, this also means, that I have A LOT that I'm asking that you please pray for me and my loved ones in my prayer request.
I got married 12 years ago (my husband and I have been together for 14 years total), and I knew before marriage that my husband had an issue with porn and sexual addiction. But I thought he was genuinely trying to repent, and was getting help, so I married him. I have since found out, that he is a pathological liar (lies about anything and everything, not just sexual sin). I also just found out a year and a half ago, that he has been lying to me and cheating on me in so many ways, more than I ever knew. He lost his teaching job a year and a half ago, because of God's chastening. My husband is so incredibly emotionally and verbally abusive and he calls me names a lot, and is violent with our possessions and with out property. He has never supported me through any time that I have needed him. Every time that I need him the most, he just abuses me horribly, and is never there for me. He abused me during all of our miscarriages, and every other hard time in my life with him. He has been so abusive our whole marriage, that he has ruined every single birthday I've had, and every holiday. I have developed horrible health issues because of the Complex-PTSD I am constantly in because of him. One of my greatest desires has been to have children, but now that my health is so horrible, and our relationship is so horrible, we are living together but separated, and since I am 38, I don't think I'll ever get to have a living child.
Also, because of my horrible physical and emotional health, I just recently started going through very early perimenopause, and now have my period every 3 weeks, and they are very painful because I have horrible endometriosis, so every 3 weeks I can't get things done that I need to get done (on top of when my emotional pain from my husband also causes me to be debilitated from the emotional pain).
There was a brief period where I thought my husband might be acting better, and I thought, to help me feel better emotionally and to heal, I was going to get my mind off of things by ripping up the carpet in the entire house, and putting down wood flooring. It was going to be therapeutic and a form of therapy. At the time when we started the project, he seemed to be a bit better, so I thought I'd get at least some help. But that was very short-lived, and we now have half of the carpet in our house ripped up, and I now have to do pretty much the whole house flooring project by myself, with horrible endometriosis pain every 3 weeks (and also frequent emotional debilitation from his repeated abuse), so I might be doing this flooring in the house by myself for at least several years until it's done, because of everything going on. We have no one we know that is nearby or that can help.
I also can't work because of my horrible health and PTSD, so with my husband losing his teaching job, he is now just a chat agent for a company that pays about $1,000 less than he was making, and we were already poor, so now we are doing very bad financially. We had to take out his retirement money to help pay for things, which is not that much money.
I moved nonstop growing up, and therefore was never able to develop lifelong or long-term friendships (and my sisters, unfortunately, are the same). So what little friends I make here and there, my husband causes me to lose any friends I ever have, because the constant turmoil and pain in my life is too much for anyone to know how to handle or to be/stay friends with me.
Also, since I found out all of the additional ways that he has been cheating on me for years, my husband has come to the realization that, he is a pathological liar, cheater, and abuser, and that, although he always thought he was saved, he has never been saved. So I unknowingly married an unsaved person, and have apparently always been unequally yoked.
Since I found out more of his cheating a year and a half ago and he lost his job, his lying and abuse towards me has gotten even worse, and he is even more verbally abusive frequently, and very violent, and he is struggling mightily to give his life to Jesus. He says he knows that if he died, he'd go to hell, and that he's terrified of going to hell, and that he wants to give his life to Jesus. He also struggles ENORMOUSLY with an astoundingly shocking amount of self-hatred, and he says that he abuses me and lies nonstop, because he hates himself vehemently, and then directs it at me, which keeps him in a horrible cycle of vehement self-hatred. Yet, he is struggling so much to repent from this demon of self-hatred, and his other habitual sins of lying and abuse.
I am so upset that, I felt I was going insane with so many years of horrific abuse that no one knew about, with nowhere to turn and no one to talk to, that I finally recently told my mom everything he has done. And, she told other people in my family. And, I am the only one that is saved in my family. I have tried witnessing to my family before multiple times, but they are never receptive. And now, although I told my mom that my husband realizes that he was never a Christian, this still makes a complete mockery of Christianity and a Christian marriage, and now I am so upset that my husband is ruining my ability to have my life and my marriage be a testimony of Jesus, and now he is driving my family even further to hell, and making it even more likely that they will not want to come to Jesus; witnessing my life, and my sham of a 'marriage', and that I'm always in so much emotional pain and trauma.
My mom divorced my biological dad when I was little, because he developed schizophrenia and then became physically abusive against all of us (though I don't remember the physical abuse), but I do have some memories of him. And when she tried to get him to take his prescription medicine for it, he told her that he wasn't going to take it because they were trying to poison him (this delusion was of course part of the schizophrenia). So, because he refused help, she divorced him. He hasn't been able to keep jobs or any relationships because of it (with any of his family), and so he's lived most of his life homeless and alone. So, since I found out all of the additional ways that my husband has been cheating and he lost his teaching job a year and a half ago, just recently about a month ago, I got a call from an attorney saying that they were looking for my dad's family, because he is in the hospital with cancer.
They realized while he was in the hospital that he has schizophrenia, so my older sister applied to be his guardian, so we can make his medical decisions for him. So, he just recently started taking prescription medication for schizophrenia, but he still has delusions. My sister lives closest to where he is hospitalized, so she has been visiting him. I live an hour and a half away. He has now transferred to a nursing home that is also an hour and a half away from me (the government is paying for all of this, since he's been homeless and jobless), but he can leave if we take him places and bring him back. So, he has constantly been asking her to take him places to buy things, and he had her take him to her house so he could wash his clothes, because he said that someone poisoned his clothes and gave him his cancer (a schizophrenic delusion, obviously).
I believe that God had the attorney first call me, because I am the only one in my family that is saved, and God wants me to witness to my dad before he dies. Everybody kept taking forever to get back to us with his results, and we just recently found out he has stage 4 prostate cancer, but we still don't know where the cancer is, or an estimation of how long he has to live. He has lost a ton of weight though, and seems very weak and frail, and we know that he knew he had cancer at least 2-3 years ago, but never got treated. So he may not have much time left to live.
Because of everything I have going on, and that we were waiting until recently to find out what's going on with him, I haven't been able to see my dad. It will be very weird and traumatic to have to go see him, when he was never been in my life, and we really don't know each other, to suddenly be trying to develop a relationship with someone that is crazy, and may be abusive to me when I try to witness to him, all alone in the room with him. I am worried that he will tell the staff not to let me visit anymore, and then I won't be able to when he's closer to death, and then he'll go to hell. I do remember him, and I love him. I forgave him a long time ago, and I feel horrible for him because his issues are not his fault, and he's had such a horrible life, and a homeless and isolated and alone, horrific life, and he doesn't deserve to die that way too. I want him to die with at least seeing that my sister and I love him and are there for him in this time. I'm also going to try to cast demons out of him, if he has any, and if I think I can do it while he's awake and he'll let me. Otherwise, if he has any, and he won't let me, I'll have to wait until he's near the very end and unconscious to try to cast any out, or cast any away from him that have a hold on him or attachment in some way. Besides God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit with me, I feel so enormously alone (because my family has no clue that I'm terrified of my dad going to hell, and that all the responsibility of witnessing to him in his last days falls on me alone [that I know of, anyway], and all that I'm suffering spiritually with this, or all that I'm still suffering with my husband during this, and that I'm going through all of this alone), in so much pain for so many reasons, in a ton of trauma about my dad, the demons that have his soul, and trauma about my husband, and the demons that also have his soul. And I believe that demons are trying to cause me as much suffering as possible in this time, to make it harder for me to try to bring my dad to Jesus. My dad also has a roommate, which will be weird trying to get to know my mentally ill dad, and witness to him, with a complete stranger right there. It is so painful to go through just this alone, but so insufferably painful that my husband is betraying, abusing, and abandoning me in this time, too.
Please pray that my dad will be saved, and that I will remain safe from abuse from my dad, my husband, and safe from demons. And please pray for the salvation of my husband, and that my husband develops a very strong faith and love for God through all things in life, and that mine and my husband's lives, and our marriage, can be a witness to Jesus, and bring people to Jesus, and that my family and loved ones can become saved. And if it is God's will, that my dad will be cured of cancer on this earth, and that he will always take medicine for his schizophrenia, and that he can live a long, happy life, and I can finally have the healthy relationship with him that I've always wanted.
God bless all of you abundantly!!!!!!!!! I love you all SO MUCH, and I'm so EXCITED to meet you all in heaven and live forever with you in our perfect Father's heaven, and in all His glorious, eternal, perfect creation!!!!!!!!!!!
<3<3<3

Since I was saved 17 years ago, I have always prayed that God will help me to have very strong faith and love for Him through everything. Well, God is so perfect and amazing, because, He has allowed SO much struggle to come upon me for such a long time, that I have come to love suffering and I am filled with so much love for God, His joy and peace, and my love for God is so deep. However, this also means, that I have A LOT that I'm asking that you please pray for me and my loved ones in my prayer request.
I got married 12 years ago (my husband and I have been together for 14 years total), and I knew before marriage that my husband had an issue with porn and sexual addiction. But I thought he was genuinely trying to repent, and was getting help, so I married him. I have since found out, that he is a pathological liar (lies about anything and everything, not just sexual sin). I also just found out a year and a half ago, that he has been lying to me and cheating on me in so many ways, more than I ever knew. He lost his teaching job a year and a half ago, because of God's chastening. My husband is so incredibly emotionally and verbally abusive and he calls me names a lot, and is violent with our possessions and with out property. He has never supported me through any time that I have needed him. Every time that I need him the most, he just abuses me horribly, and is never there for me. He abused me during all of our miscarriages, and every other hard time in my life with him. He has been so abusive our whole marriage, that he has ruined every single birthday I've had, and every holiday. I have developed horrible health issues because of the Complex-PTSD I am constantly in because of him. One of my greatest desires has been to have children, but now that my health is so horrible, and our relationship is so horrible, we are living together but separated, and since I am 38, I don't think I'll ever get to have a living child.
Also, because of my horrible physical and emotional health, I just recently started going through very early perimenopause, and now have my period every 3 weeks, and they are very painful because I have horrible endometriosis, so every 3 weeks I can't get things done that I need to get done (on top of when my emotional pain from my husband also causes me to be debilitated from the emotional pain).
There was a brief period where I thought my husband might be acting better, and I thought, to help me feel better emotionally and to heal, I was going to get my mind off of things by ripping up the carpet in the entire house, and putting down wood flooring. It was going to be therapeutic and a form of therapy. At the time when we started the project, he seemed to be a bit better, so I thought I'd get at least some help. But that was very short-lived, and we now have half of the carpet in our house ripped up, and I now have to do pretty much the whole house flooring project by myself, with horrible endometriosis pain every 3 weeks (and also frequent emotional debilitation from his repeated abuse), so I might be doing this flooring in the house by myself for at least several years until it's done, because of everything going on. We have no one we know that is nearby or that can help.
I also can't work because of my horrible health and PTSD, so with my husband losing his teaching job, he is now just a chat agent for a company that pays about $1,000 less than he was making, and we were already poor, so now we are doing very bad financially. We had to take out his retirement money to help pay for things, which is not that much money.
I moved nonstop growing up, and therefore was never able to develop lifelong or long-term friendships (and my sisters, unfortunately, are the same). So what little friends I make here and there, my husband causes me to lose any friends I ever have, because the constant turmoil and pain in my life is too much for anyone to know how to handle or to be/stay friends with me.
Also, since I found out all of the additional ways that he has been cheating on me for years, my husband has come to the realization that, he is a pathological liar, cheater, and abuser, and that, although he always thought he was saved, he has never been saved. So I unknowingly married an unsaved person, and have apparently always been unequally yoked.
Since I found out more of his cheating a year and a half ago and he lost his job, his lying and abuse towards me has gotten even worse, and he is even more verbally abusive frequently, and very violent, and he is struggling mightily to give his life to Jesus. He says he knows that if he died, he'd go to hell, and that he's terrified of going to hell, and that he wants to give his life to Jesus. He also struggles ENORMOUSLY with an astoundingly shocking amount of self-hatred, and he says that he abuses me and lies nonstop, because he hates himself vehemently, and then directs it at me, which keeps him in a horrible cycle of vehement self-hatred. Yet, he is struggling so much to repent from this demon of self-hatred, and his other habitual sins of lying and abuse.
I am so upset that, I felt I was going insane with so many years of horrific abuse that no one knew about, with nowhere to turn and no one to talk to, that I finally recently told my mom everything he has done. And, she told other people in my family. And, I am the only one that is saved in my family. I have tried witnessing to my family before multiple times, but they are never receptive. And now, although I told my mom that my husband realizes that he was never a Christian, this still makes a complete mockery of Christianity and a Christian marriage, and now I am so upset that my husband is ruining my ability to have my life and my marriage be a testimony of Jesus, and now he is driving my family even further to hell, and making it even more likely that they will not want to come to Jesus; witnessing my life, and my sham of a 'marriage', and that I'm always in so much emotional pain and trauma.
My mom divorced my biological dad when I was little, because he developed schizophrenia and then became physically abusive against all of us (though I don't remember the physical abuse), but I do have some memories of him. And when she tried to get him to take his prescription medicine for it, he told her that he wasn't going to take it because they were trying to poison him (this delusion was of course part of the schizophrenia). So, because he refused help, she divorced him. He hasn't been able to keep jobs or any relationships because of it (with any of his family), and so he's lived most of his life homeless and alone. So, since I found out all of the additional ways that my husband has been cheating and he lost his teaching job a year and a half ago, just recently about a month ago, I got a call from an attorney saying that they were looking for my dad's family, because he is in the hospital with cancer.
They realized while he was in the hospital that he has schizophrenia, so my older sister applied to be his guardian, so we can make his medical decisions for him. So, he just recently started taking prescription medication for schizophrenia, but he still has delusions. My sister lives closest to where he is hospitalized, so she has been visiting him. I live an hour and a half away. He has now transferred to a nursing home that is also an hour and a half away from me (the government is paying for all of this, since he's been homeless and jobless), but he can leave if we take him places and bring him back. So, he has constantly been asking her to take him places to buy things, and he had her take him to her house so he could wash his clothes, because he said that someone poisoned his clothes and gave him his cancer (a schizophrenic delusion, obviously).
I believe that God had the attorney first call me, because I am the only one in my family that is saved, and God wants me to witness to my dad before he dies. Everybody kept taking forever to get back to us with his results, and we just recently found out he has stage 4 prostate cancer, but we still don't know where the cancer is, or an estimation of how long he has to live. He has lost a ton of weight though, and seems very weak and frail, and we know that he knew he had cancer at least 2-3 years ago, but never got treated. So he may not have much time left to live.
Because of everything I have going on, and that we were waiting until recently to find out what's going on with him, I haven't been able to see my dad. It will be very weird and traumatic to have to go see him, when he was never been in my life, and we really don't know each other, to suddenly be trying to develop a relationship with someone that is crazy, and may be abusive to me when I try to witness to him, all alone in the room with him. I am worried that he will tell the staff not to let me visit anymore, and then I won't be able to when he's closer to death, and then he'll go to hell. I do remember him, and I love him. I forgave him a long time ago, and I feel horrible for him because his issues are not his fault, and he's had such a horrible life, and a homeless and isolated and alone, horrific life, and he doesn't deserve to die that way too. I want him to die with at least seeing that my sister and I love him and are there for him in this time. I'm also going to try to cast demons out of him, if he has any, and if I think I can do it while he's awake and he'll let me. Otherwise, if he has any, and he won't let me, I'll have to wait until he's near the very end and unconscious to try to cast any out, or cast any away from him that have a hold on him or attachment in some way. Besides God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit with me, I feel so enormously alone (because my family has no clue that I'm terrified of my dad going to hell, and that all the responsibility of witnessing to him in his last days falls on me alone [that I know of, anyway], and all that I'm suffering spiritually with this, or all that I'm still suffering with my husband during this, and that I'm going through all of this alone), in so much pain for so many reasons, in a ton of trauma about my dad, the demons that have his soul, and trauma about my husband, and the demons that also have his soul. And I believe that demons are trying to cause me as much suffering as possible in this time, to make it harder for me to try to bring my dad to Jesus. My dad also has a roommate, which will be weird trying to get to know my mentally ill dad, and witness to him, with a complete stranger right there. It is so painful to go through just this alone, but so insufferably painful that my husband is betraying, abusing, and abandoning me in this time, too.
Please pray that my dad will be saved, and that I will remain safe from abuse from my dad, my husband, and safe from demons. And please pray for the salvation of my husband, and that my husband develops a very strong faith and love for God through all things in life, and that mine and my husband's lives, and our marriage, can be a witness to Jesus, and bring people to Jesus, and that my family and loved ones can become saved. And if it is God's will, that my dad will be cured of cancer on this earth, and that he will always take medicine for his schizophrenia, and that he can live a long, happy life, and I can finally have the healthy relationship with him that I've always wanted.
God bless all of you abundantly!!!!!!!!! I love you all SO MUCH, and I'm so EXCITED to meet you all in heaven and live forever with you in our perfect Father's heaven, and in all His glorious, eternal, perfect creation!!!!!!!!!!!
