Lealand, we are glad you've come seeking surrender to Jesus Christ and recognizing the need for true repentance and faith which is different from the teachings of the Pharisees.
Based on biblical principles it is only by the sacrificial blood shed on the Cross that we have access to the Grace of God and to Jesus Christ. True faith and repentance involves a change of heart and the way that we think. For you to truly surrender your life to Jesus Christ it is important that you come to Jesus in the same way that you would expect someone coming into your home. When you welcome them in you do not require that they should clean up their act, you freely welcome them into your home with expectation they will follow the rules of your home. When someone you welcome into your home leaves dirty dishes or makes a mess you expect them to clean it up.
Just the same, Jesus expects us to come to him as we are without trying to earn Salvation. But as people looking to freely receive the gift of Salvation that has been freely given to us by the undeserved brutal sacrifice Jesus made on the Cross of Calvary. When Jesus takes us into his home, which is relationship with God, then he starts to instruct us on how to live in His Kingdom. See The Parable of the Prodigal Son Luke 15:11-32 WEB
You mentioned in the prayer request that you have been doing things "out of fear of hell" instead of by faith and true love for Jesus. We believe this is at the core of your issue. If we are doing things out of fear, we are not doing things out of a heart of love for Jesus or love for God. We trust you may wish to consider 1 John 4:16-19 WEB for a more clear explanation.
1 John 4:16-19 WEB (16) We know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and he who remains in love remains in God, and God remains in him. (17) In this love has been made perfect among us, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment, because as he is, even so are we in this world. (18) There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has punishment. He who fears is not made perfect in love. (19) We love him, because he first loved us.
You will notice in the previous verse that God first loved us. It is by the fact that God first loved us that we can love Jesus in return. This happens after we believe in Jesus Christ. Consider 1 John 4:9-10.
As far as your comments about being sincere, remember it is our faith and our actions that show whether we are sincere and not our words. The Bible warns against moving our mouth to appear spiritually devout by repetitive words Matthew 6:7. This does not mean we shouldn't pray the same things, but we should be sincere in our requests. But being sincere doesn't mean we won't fall short. Being saved is because we fall short. It is our faith in God, that God provides the righteousness we need for the right standing with God that Jesus allows by faith in Him.
Let us pray for you.
Dear Lord,
We thank you for Lealand and praise You for his desire to truly surrender to You. We ask, Lord, that You convict him and change him in a powerful and impactful way. Help him to let go of control and truly trust in You. Help him not to be bound by legalism or the fear of condemnation, to not work for salvation, but for the rewards of Heaven.
Help him receive Your salvation freely, as it is a free gift of God Ephesians 2:8-9 WEB, and enable him to love You with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength Mark 12:28-30 WEB . Give him true faith and repentance so that he may be reconciled himself to you.
Father in Heaven, grant Lealand the boldness to share his faith. Build him up, and help him grow to love you more each day in Jesus' name.