Save My Marriage From Breaking

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dasaridarla

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Dear uncle

First of all, thank you very much for understanding my problem and coming forward to help me find justice.

To start with, I am Hebsiba Dasari (28) and I am working as a software professional in an organization.

I am married to my cousin Das .... (29). We are first cousins … i.e. my mother and Das’s mother are own sisters. We both belong to Christian family.

In our religion, we are allowed to marry the first cousins and Das ..... has confirmed that many times before we got married to each other. We have confirmed this through renowned pastors and religious heads.

Now, the problem is that we got married on Jan 28th 2012 but our relation is old. We used to study together, play together and are of similar educational background so we used to be friendly and supportive.

Our affair started long back when Das’s brothers marriage was fixed. Das was very interested and even I had a special likeness towards d friend and never for a marriage kind of a relation that’s for sure.

We both grew up and started working for companies and so did he. We were in constant touch when my office senior proposed me and it went to my family for marriage but because he was a Hindu, our family did not agree and I came back to Hyderabad and continued my work.

I used to stay with my friend’s family in Hyderabad and Das was in onsite through his company. Later I shifted to a new house with one of ,my old school friend but since she had got a job in Pune , she went to pune and I was nearby to my friend’s house and stayed alone. Das used to call me daily and mail me daily but I never used to respond properly. This made him upset many times and he used to give voice mail messages everyday . I deleted some of his emails but have retained many just incase u want to have a look.Later, got to know that he was coming to Hyderabad and his parents came to Hyderabad to receive him and they stayed in my house for 2 – 3 days. And also told that till Das looks for another accommodation, he will stay with you. I was like Ok because even I used to stay alone then.

Das continued to stay with me and dint want to vacate the place. I tried to tell him many times but he was happy to stay with me.(we have a proof that I told him to look for accommodation but he refused that Proof is gtalk chat) We were happy and used to talk long and late in the nights and how we had a crush from both the ends but I explained myself and also him that this cannot go further and what ever my mother says , I wud go ahead with that. Meanwhile , my family had got a proposal for me which I accepted. But Das was not happy with that and he begged me and fell on my feet to cancel that proposal and he dint take any food for 2.5 days and he dint go to office and he dint allow me also to go to office (proof is that I went to office but he had come to office and to cross verify u may check the visitors list for that particular day) that Das convinced me that we would marry come what may.

I thought about that and because Das told me that he loved me so much that he can fight for the entire family for my sake I was brave enough to cancel that proposal which my family had for me and was in a relation with Das. I already told Das that I would not open my mouth in front of the family. Das promised me that he would be there and he would face the family and he just asked me to be supportive and calm. We also discussed that if he really loves me , I asked him to go talk to his parents , convince them and later if at all they say a NO also , I would marry him. Das told that if we are already married , they cud not separate us and we wud be legally strong if at all they try to separate us. I also found that

We both had onsite offer to gulf. We both had asked the family if we could travel together. His parents had some doubt about our relation and they did not agree for travelling together.

Meanwhile, Das had an onsite opportunity. The day he was leaving, his mother and father came and took his entire luggage from my place and went. His mother may be had some doubt in her mind about our relation and behaved very very rudely to me when we left Das at the airport and coming back in the cab also , she behaved very very rudely. She was telling me indirectly that Das would marry a girl whom his parents select for him. I was very hurt because of her behavior .Das went and came back after 1 month saying that his dad was not well and when he was coming his parents did not want him to land in my house . Just to avoid any risk and all though he was forcing that he would come to my house, I had forced him to take a hotel and then come to me. Das did the same. He went to the hotel and he forced me to come to airport. Das’s parents threatened Das that Das’s brother was also in Hyderabad to pick up Das and go to their native, Bhadravathi (karnataka). Das did not listen and was with me only. We both were very very upset that day as his mother scolded him very very bad language.It was really painful for us to take such scoldings.That day night , Das took many many pills and tried to finish his life because of his mother. He kept on telling me that whatever his mother is doing is not love but she just wants to control Das’s life. God’s grace nothing happened to Das and made him to vomit all that he had taken. He cried a lot that day because of what his mother had spoken. He promised me all that night that he would not live if I left him for any reason. He had become very very sensitive and he kept on telling that whatever happens we both will never be separated.

We had bought a new home at Miyapur and had the house dedication ceremony planned on Jan 28th and I was supposed to fly on 29th to gulf.

Das had tried a lot to get married as soon as possible because I was travelling to gulf. Myself and Das had planned that I will be going to gulf only for 2- 3 months and then come back to Hyderabad and Das would take me to his onsite (through company) for 1.5 yrs.

The marriage day arrived and it was the same day as our house dedication day. Jan 28th.

My parents and his mother, our uncle, my sister and few family friends had arrived. Das had requested me to come early morning to some place for marriage myself, my friend arrived and Das also arrived there. In Christianity, it is mandatory that we a need to get water baptized before the marriage is performed.

We went first to the Baptist church at NarayanaGuda and got water baptized. Then we met the pastor who would perform our marriage and Das’s 2 friends had come to witness the wedding. It was a small wedding with only few friends and we were happy.

We started from that place and the pastor had given the wedding certificate to me to keep that safe. I had given that to Das because I was about to leave the next day to gulf.

We all went home and even in the return auto, we were happy and very happy that we were together forever now and now had to face the family that too together. The next day, I left to gulf and Das was in Hyderabad and he would also plan to go to onsite very soon. His mother wanted to stay with him till he went to onsite so, she also stayed in Hyderabad.

She used to torture him very badly where are you, when will you come home and all. Das was so frustrated that he tried to send her to the native place but she used to create drama as if she was not well and she stayed in Hyderabad only. Das used to come home late because his mother used to torture him very badly he used to stay in the office or roam on the roads just to come home late. When I was in gulf, he was too attached to me but we had few differences because I used to get angry his mother behaved and he would not even react to her. He downloaded some application into his phone so that he would be available on chat all time, 24 hours for me. He used to send many many messages and chat with me for hours together.

Later , we decided that this long distance relation will not work and he asked me to come back from gulf and that we would tell the marriage in the family and face the family and then leave together to his onsite .

I came to India on 19th March 2012 and we waited for few days so that our uncle would come to Hyderabad and we would first reveal to him about our relation. All the marriage certificates, photos, are with him only. We were staying in our new house at Miyapur . We were happy. Das’s father was getting retired on March 31st and we were waiting for that so that we can reveal that in the family.

Our uncle had come to Hyderabad for some office work and that night, we three went to dinner and we both told mama that we were in relation but did not tell mama that we already got married.

Mama told that the consequences would be really bad. Das told that he would face the family and that Hebsi should just support me and I will take care of everything.

Das went to his native after this episode. Meanwhile , my uncle had called my another uncle that convince them to go to onsite separately to different places else , the family will see very bad results.Das’s parents had scolded him very badly that day and he came from his native but stayed with me . His mother used to call him every hour just to check where he was and she used to send a cousin of him to the office to make sure he was in the office.

The day before he was leaving, we had a fight because he promised that he would not go for his father’s retirement function but he wanted to go now. He was begging me badly for my permission. I got angry because he promised me that he would not go and now, last moment he wants to go. Cried very badly

I came home, was crying very badly and I got ill as my left part hand leg did not respond properly due to a severe cramp in my rib bone. Das came and friend and few other friends went to the hospital and got checked up and the doctor advised me to admit in the hospital we did not listen and came back home around 4 in the morning. Das went to his room in kukatpally and came in the morning next day, just to tell that he wanted to go to his father’s retirement function.

I got very depressed that even in that situation he went, he cried a lot that he was leaving me alone in that situation and he promised me that he would just go for one day and be back for me and would never go leaving me alone. While he was on journey also, he kept on telling me on phone and messaging that whatever he was doing was wrong but he had no option.

I waited patiently and he came and told that he had met with a big accident. He already told that over phone but when I saw that he was hurt badly, I really felt very bad. He told that just cos I did not listen to you just cos I broke the promise with you, I met with the accident.

That day, I was supposed to go to Delhi to submit my resignation and planning to go to onsite with Das, as his wife. We went to the airport and in the airport, he dint want me to go because he was missing me very badly and he wanted me to be with him.

I did not go to Delhi and stayed in Hyderabad. Das went to his father’s retirement function and came back on Tuesday and we both had a fight because he was supposed to come on Monday because I was not well. Later, we both were cool and he was very sorry for what he had done by leaving me alone in that health condition and he promised that it was over and he would never go leaving me alone.

Sunday, 8th was Easter and we both went to church and were very happy. Dais’s office people told that he would go alone that they will not pay for my ticket. Das was ready to pay for our own ticket and that we would both go together. We were not supposed to tell this in the family. But Sunday, Das called his dad and told them that he may travel but not confirmed about his ticket. Even then his parents wanted to come. They forced a lot and threatened that they would directly ask in the office why they were giving him so much of pressure. They started to Hyderabad. They would reach Hyderabad on Monday morning. Das came home late night around 12:30 in the night that day he went to Patancheru for some reason.

Monday, 9th April Das and I were supposed to fly to onsite. Das had taken the marriage certificate with him Monday morning to show to the office people to book the ticket.

Das left to kukatpally around 5 in the morning and picked his parents and went to office. Das was much tensed that day because his ticket was booked and mine was not yet booked. Das was trying to convince me that he would go and come for 3- 4 months so that we would not have any financial tensions. I was even ok with that.

Das was not feeling good in the office and he wanted to see me so he took an auto and was coming home to me when he got a call from his office from his boss and the boss told that Das’s parents were in the office. He took that auto and went back to office and his parents created a scene there and from then the issue started. Das told his boss that we were already married. That boss told the same to Das’s parents I guess and Das’s mother reacted very very badly with very foul language.

Das called up in the evening and told that “ Hebsi this relation will have to end here and will not go further†I was really very shocked that day to listen to such words from him. I tried calling him and his mother took the phone and used very bad language to me. I only told her to give the phone to Das. She did not give

Give a police complaint against me. I was crying all that evening and was almost gone mad in a shock to listen to such words from Das. In the evening, Das called me to come to shilparamam and I started to go there but he did not receive the call even when I called for 30 – 40 times. He said his phone was with his mom. Sometimes, the phone was on waiting and sometime ringing but never was answered.My second uncle had called me that night around 8 to tell that Das had spoken to my uncle and das told that he was no more in this relation and he dint even want to talk to me. Then, I told my uncle how can he say that when we got married. My uncle was first shocked and then he called up Das’s parents to tell them that we both were married. Even then Das did not want to talk to me. Das called up around 9:45 and told that he would leave his parents at kukatpally and come to me soon. I waited a long long time till 11 he never came. I was so over worried that I called up my friends and went to kukatpally in search of Das’s new house.

When reached there, Das’s mother bet Das with her leg and also me. She pulled my hair and bet e and grabbed my hair and took me out of the house in a foul language. Das was trying to come to me and his mother bet him very badly and Das’s dad also scolded me very badly. I initially did not speak anything.

I only told them I had to talk to Das and nothing else. We all came out around 12 and sat nearby on some steps and his mother was blaming me for what all happened.

Das was shouting at me in front of his parents that I had forced him for marriage. I was shocked to such words from him. I also asked him why he was behaving so rudely and all. We all sat down and were talking. His mother bet me very badly and told that Das, u comes. If she wants she will also come with you. Das did not leave from there. She dragged him from there and took him from there. Das’s dad and I were sitting on the steps only.

Sometime after that, police patrol had come to that area and they stopped and asked what the issue was. I just told them it was some family matter and we were trying to resolve that. Das’s mother bet me again and told that all the mistake was mine.

The police patrol came once again and asked me what the issue was, I tried to tell them the same, and they also had taken complaint for the same. They took the phone numbers from me and Das.

Das; s mother fell infront of my legs and was begging me when the police were there to solve the issue at home. I told the police people that myself and Das would leave to Miyapur and his parents would stay back in kukatpally , allwyn colony. People

Again , the police people went away and they told Das to take me to Miyapur. Das accepted that we were married and we would go to Miyapur. His mother cried when the police people were there to take them also to Miyapur.

I told them , its ur house no need to ask . We all can be happy there. We all started to get the auto from the main road and while walking also, she bet me very badly. Acting and crying in front of them

Then the main patrolling jeep was in front of us. They stopped us and Das’s mother was again acting and crying infront of them as if I was not listening to them. This entire episode Das was very calm. He dint even speak a word from his mouth. The police people called one auto and asked to drop in Miyapur and that Das’s parents would return to kukatpally in the same auto.

We got into the auto and his mother beat me by pulling my hair very badly. Das’s father was asking not to beat me. There that

When we reached near main road, Das got down drawing the money from ATM.

And Das’s father told that they would return in the same auto to kukatpally. Das was with me and Das;s mother was like crying in the auto with loud sounds and was falling from the auto . Das told that Hebsi , we all will go to the house. I told Ok .In the night, my mother also started from my native to come to Hyderabad. My mom still did not know that we were married.

Das’s parents did not enter the house. We did not have keys to enter the house. Das was threatening me that if in 5 minutes the door was not opened, he would beat me badly. I was really shocked to hear such tone and words from Das.

I tried to manage to open the door. But they refused to come inside. Das again threatened me saying that if in 5 minutes they did not enter the house, he would beat me badly.

Meanwhile, our new house tenant came out because Das’s mother was shouting very very badly all the foul language. Even that boy was shocked to listen to such language. Around 3 in the night.

Das’s parents left at 4:30 in the morning to kukatpally. Das and I were discussing. Das told that this relation will not go further and I got angry and I bet Das on his cheeks. I was so angry with all the blunt answers he was giving. I told him then that if at all he cheats me , I will definitely report to the police.

Morning around 6:30 my mother came and around 7 \Das’s parents also came. My mother came to know that we were married.

My mother was really shocked. But she was like, next what? Das told that this relation was by mistake and he doesn’t want to continue that.

Two days the same situation. Third day our uncle had come to Hyderabad. That day, Das was like telling one word to me, one word to his parent’s one word to my uncle.

Later, when we all sat, he told that he would go with his parents and I should go with my mother and go on in life. And that he would listen to what all his parents would tell him.

He told me that even if the family accepts, now he doesn’t want any relation and wants to start a new life .I got angry and shouted that even after abortion; he cannot tell this to me. Then the family came to know that we both had an abortion.

I went out of the house in full frustration. Das and my uncle followed me and tried to explain that all was over. My uncle told Das and me to go away from Hyderabad somewhere and live our lives. He told us to wait till evening till the parents left and then we could do whatever we do.

Das left the house evening around 3:30 and never came back till 6.I also left the house seeing all the blames his mother was giving myself and my mother.

I did not call das. Night, I stayed alone in some church and waited for Das if he could call me.

In the night, my mother and Das;s mother were calling me constantly that they don’t have any problem with the relation and that we have to come home. I was shocked that Das did not go home.

Next day morning, I got a call from Das saying that he loved me a lot and only God’s grace and my love had kept him alive till then.

He asked me to meet him. I did not tell anything to him. He kept on calling me many times. And finally we decided to meet at Imliban bustand, He was waiting for me there depot no 27, towards Bangalore e

I reached and Das was very very upset with what all happened and told that we will go to Blore and switched off both the phones.

I was worried. I said ok but I told him that I want to see my mother. we both took the local train and came back to Miyapur. Das was to go first and when he went, he would call and then I would go to the home after 30 mins.

The moment he reached home, he told his parents that I had threatened him with police case that’s why he had come back.

I dint knew this . Their parents took him out for dinner and my mother was alone in the home. I went home, had bath. They came late spoke nothing and they all slept. My uncle reached late and he told that we will not talk anything night. We will talk in the morning.

Das in the morning told infront of everybody that “I am taking Hebsi with me “. He told my uncle that I had put him in control and threatening with police case and that’s why he told that.

He went to office and he called me once. He was like talking very diplomatically.I was very worried waitied till evening if he would call me. He never called me his phone was off. Their parents went in the evening outside. Came around 7 and took their luggage. My uncle told me that they were taking Das also with them. I was sick listening to that.

I fainted and they left me like that. Das was waiting at the bus stop for them it seems. My uncle also had the bus that same night.

Das saw my uncle and went to him it seems and asked him how is Hebsi. Mama told him it seems she is admitted in the hospital.

His mother called him it seems and he went and my uncle left Hyderabad. My mother and my juju took me to the native.

Now, we don’t even know where Das is. Their parents are talking very rudely to my mother.

My uncle is coming from Dubai on 30th.We are all planning to have a discussion. I don’t know what to speak also. I want my life back with Das. We were very happy once. I want that life with him. If at all he is cheating with me, he has to learn and pay for what he has done.

If at all Das says NO in front of the whole family next Monday, I want to file case and I request you all too please explain him that he cannot leave me like this and go on happily with his life.

He had to think about all these before getting married and not now. I am all alone in this difficult situation though few of my family members are with me .

Please do help me of how can I get back my life , my happy life with Das.
 
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I have asked God in Jesus’ name to honor your prayer request. May God’s prefect will be done . Be Encouraged!

Psalm 116:1-2… I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.

Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.

You Are A Child of The King of Kings…The King listens to His children.

Keep On Praying, God Is Listening,

Encourager Linda Flagg, LM, CS
 
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