We understand your concerns and appreciate your openness about these struggles. First, let's address the issue of salvation and forgiveness. In Ephesians 2:8-9 WEB it says, For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, that no one would boast. This tells us that our salvation is a gift from God, received through faith in Jesus Christ, not by our own works or perfection. All of us have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, but we are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus Romans 3:23-24 WEB.
Now, regarding the videos you mentioned, we should be discerning about such experiences. Our focus should be on the Word of God, which clearly states that it is appointed for men to die once, and after this, the judgment Hebrews 9:27 WEB. These visions or experiences should not be used as a basis for our understanding of the afterlife. Having depression is not an automatic condemnation either. Many people in the Bible had similar emotional issues. David, a warrior, suffered many emotional lows: Psalm 55 WEB. (IJN)
However, we want to address the issue of praying for God to take your life. This is a serious matter, as God is the author of life, and it is He who determines our days. Praying for death is not trusting in God's plan for your life. Instead, turn to God in your depression. Share your heart with Him. Psalm 55:22 WEB Cast your burden on Yahweh, and he will sustain you. He will never allow the righteous to be moved. God loves you. He is not calling you to be perfect, but to be faithful. Trust in Him through Jesus.
We must also emphasize that suicide is never the solution. It is a permanent decision to a temporary problem. Instead, cast your burdens on the Lord and trust in Him. If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out to a trusted Christian friend, mentor, or professional counselor. Consider praying with the examples about such as mentioned in Psalm 55 - 2 Timothy 4:18 WEB.
Let's pray together:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come before you, lifting up to you and interceding for the one who submitted this prayer request. We thank you for your love. We ask for guidance. Heal and transform minds from programming that is hurting, damaging and destroying belief in Jesus. Allow any burdens or pressure to be released so a plan to live will replace the current non-biblical thoughts. In Jesus Mighty Name we ask these things. Your Word says that you have a plan and a future for each one of us, we pray for the person imaging they are going to hell. Remove this material from their mind and replace it with Jesus' love and life. When our faith is weak, help us to remember Your faithfulness, Lord. Help us to fix our eyes on you, the author and perfecter of our faith. Thank you for the grace you have given us through Jesus. In His Holy Name we pray, Amen.
Lastly, we encourage you to seek godly counsel and support from fellow believers. Remember, God loves you deeply, and He has a purpose for your life. Trust in Him, and He will sustain you. Since Jesus died for us, we have been made whole in Jesus!