Anonymous
Beloved of All
Prayers for my deposition tomorrow that God will go before me and speak through me tomorrow. It’s a hard day tomorrow. No amount of money can put my body back to normal how it was. Since my accident I gained weight, I am unable to workout as I use to. Certain things like walking is not the same, cannot run or jump rope or do any types of heavy intensity exercise. At times I feel like my lower extremities are about to break in half from my upper extremities. And it almost feel as my legs stops moving. I don’t normally do the things I use to do anymore. I received a permanent handicap sticker due to my injuries I feel like I’m a 90 year old person in a 40 year old body. That’s how bad it is. But the insurance are saying I’m making things up. I was suppose to have a neck a back and two hip surgeries from the accident but I’m afraid they told me they will fuse my neck and back so I got scared and I’m conflicted with the surgery of how my life is after the surgery. I am praying everything works in my favor they won’t give me hell tomorrow it’s just reliving the accident all over. I pray that God open my ears to listen and process the questions before I answer and that he give me the right words to speak tomorrow. I hope the outcome will be a good outcome not a bad outcome. Also I pray that God open the doors for me to get hired from the ATF but I’m scared because since my accident I’m scared ATF won’t hire me due to my injuries I hope the door willl open for me and make it through the academy. But it’s hard due to my disabilities sustain by an accident that at wasn’t a fault of mine. And again it is so hard to be married and have a controlling mother in law feeding my husbands head with why I don’t talk to her that I don’t want her to move into our house. I don’t have anything against her moving in, I just don’t tell her my business and I just mind my business and that’s all. Made me wish my mom was still alive she never do anything like this. Now my husband is at a crossroad between his mom and me. I thought in genesis 2:24 man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.no my mother inlaw clings on to my husband to insert any kind of control so she can control me through my husband I just don’t allow it. I just leave my husband to deal with his mom. But I’m getting the back lash of I don’t like her, I don’t talk to her, I don’t want her moving into my house. She don’t want to move in because I don’t talk to her little petty kids stuff. I just don’t put up with the drama. I have my own to deal with. My marriage is happy but that’s the problem we are having is his mom, I wish that my husband can grow up and tell his mom hey look my wife is okay even if she doesn’t. Call you or talk to u she don’t have a problem with you. I feel as if she is trying to come beat with me with clothing. Shoes and it makes me wonder this is the lady that goes to church every Sunday for 4 hours and she thinks she is perfect, according to my husband she cannot do no wrong she is the perfect mother. So I don’t say nothing it puts a bad taste in my mouth for me. It’s almost as if she wants to marry her son is what I see. She always wants materialize stuff and me one the other hand I could care less. I’m a simple person but it’s just hard and even when I try calling her or text her she don’t answer my calls or text but she tells her. Son I never answer her call or anything and when she calls she always wants to know my business and I just give her short to the point answers I just think we don’t have anything in common to talk about she likes to gossip and wants us to spent money on what she wants. But I don’t like to gossip and my mom passed away RIP and I don’t feel I can open up to someone that noisy, manipulative, and conniving I really wished my husband can see what I see, so I just stop talking to her and just mind my own business and let my husband deal with her. I sometimes don’t like going to her place but what’s said is she can show up at anytime at my home but she would tell my husband she doesn’t want to come to our house because I didn’t talk to her as often, so she knows I don’t want her over, but I know as God as my witness he can see through my heart I don’t have a problem if she wants to come over come over and when she does she just like to sit eat gossip and don’t want to do anything she gets to act like she’s fragile and she is high maintenance but I’m not my husband would sometimes compare her mom to me that she does certain things like cleaning. I told my husband I clean too but the difference is I work full time to care for your mom and she don’t work we help her financial. But she just looks at it as the money is coming from her son. I think she’s the reason I don’t go to church I just stay home and pray on my own and watch Joel osteens service on tv. I feel as if everyone going to church is like my mother in law than I can be going to church and associate myself with that. It made me change my view on church. Sad thing is I can see right through her, the last time my friends and I took her out with us she had a good time and we made sure she was enjoying herself but she came home and told my husband I made her the eyeball so I lost friends because of her. My husband kept asking why adrina and norm don’t come over anymore, I couldn’t tell him because of his mom, in my husbands eyes his mom is a saint everyone do wrong not his mom. My husband yelled att me for making her the eyeball it broke my heart so that was the main reason I stop talking to her I couldn’t tell my husband they won’t come by anymore after I told them what my mother in law did. Apologize so many things going on in my life and I pray that my kids lika and Jacob that good guide their feet their mouths and action and that they be better adults. Thank you all I hope my deposition goes well and in my favor and my Journey to get into ATF that I will get hired pass the academy and hope my injuries from my accident won’t stop me. Also last but not least that God protect me at my current job at safety. My supervisor Nunez and his buddy sparks and James are doing everything in their power to get me fired and he treat me different he would check what time I come into work and what time I leave but he never check or charge his buddies leave or if they come in late and leave early. His upset because I have to inform his boss that I am being bullied at work and it’s only been a moth in at the time so now it’s an everyday thing they watch everything I do. But I’m not afraid to speak up it’s what they don’t like. I was a raped victim and I stood up for myself and tell the truth and it made me strong and always speak up. I apologize it’s so much to ask and last but not least I pray that I learn how to pray really well. Thank you all