Seteleuo, we understand that you're going through a difficult time, and we want to stand with you in prayer and provide some biblical guidance. We're glad you mentioned Jesus name in your request. First, let's address your feelings of upset and anger towards God. It's natural to feel this way when we're going through trials, but we must remember that God is always with us and His ways are higher than our ways. As it is written in Isaiah 55:8-9 WEB:
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, says Yahweh.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways,
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
God has promised you an amazing life and purpose, and He will surely bring it to pass. But remember, trials and tribulations are part of our walk with Christ. (WEB John 16:33 These things I have spoken to you, so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have oppression; but cheer up! I have overcome the world.).
Regarding your feelings of people being jealous of your light, even in church, (WEB John 13:35 says By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.), We should strive for unity and love, even when others may not reciprocate. It's also important to examine ourselves and ensure we're not being prideful, as (WEB Proverbs 16:18 says Pride goes before destruction,
and an arrogant spirit before a fall.),
Now, let's address your feelings of anxiety and intrusive thoughts. Remember, God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control (WEB II Timothy 1:7, For God didn't give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control.). If you're feeling stuck and held back, cry out to God and ask Him for the power to overcome.
Let's pray together:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come before You, lifting up Seteleuo. Lord God You know her struggles and pain. We pray/declare that You will/are comforting her right now in Jesus name amen, and reminding her of Your unfailing love and faith towards her. Yahweh that the promise is for us and children and those who You will call. You are Faithful. Help her to cast all her anxieties on You, for You assure us that You care for us (WEB I Peter 5:7). Lord Jesus Your only begotten son, Lord God Your only begotten son spoke to the winds and waves, and they obeyed Him; we know that another mountain will be moved here also. We ask You to help her Lord Jesus, to fix her eyes on You, the author and perfecter of our faith, and to run the race set before her with endurance. Thank You, Father, for hearing our prayers. We ask and receive by faith in Jesus' name amen.