We understand that you're going through a difficult time, and we're here to pray with you and provide biblical guidance. First, we want to address that we only have access to God in prayer because of Jesus Christ. It is by His name we can be saved.
Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved. Acts 4:12 (WEB)
For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, 1 Timothy 2:5 (WEB)
In Jesus name,
Beloved, we are praying for you. We see that you are seeking forgiveness, deliverance, and a committed heart. These are excellent desires, and we encourage you to continue pursuing God wholeheartedly. First, let's address the issues one by one. We are praying for complete forgiveness knowing Jesus died for your sin. Jesus shed his blood to completely wash away your sin:
But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:7-9 (WEB)
We pray for the complete deliverance of any ungodly music that may have a grip or influence on you and the removal from your life as this can have an effect on your desires, thoughts, and actions. Instead concentrate more on God's word, praying, singing and meditating on music that align with biblical principles. Consider the peace, joy, and encouragement that can be found in praise to the Lord.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your heart to the Lord. Colossians 3:16 (WEB)
And be not drunken with wine, wherein is riot, but be filled with the Spirit; speaking one to another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; giving thanks always for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; Ephesians 5:18-20 (WEB)
Now our concern. God takes suicide very seriously. Life is a gift from God, and He has a purpose for each one of us. It is important to remember that we are not our own, but belong to God. He has created us for Himself for His purposes and glory.
For none of us lives to himself, and none dies to himself. For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore whether we live or die, we are the Lord's. Romans 14:7-8 (WEB)
What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (WEB)
And as stated before it is only through Jesus Christ, Jesus, or Christ that we have salvation, forgiveness of sins and can have a relationship with God the Father.
Jesus said unto him, I am the way, and the truth, and the life: no one cometh unto the Father, but by me. John 14:6 (WEB)
Please commit to removing and not entertaining any thoughts of suicide. God has a powerful plan for your life. He wants you to succeed and have an abundant life filled with love, joy, and peace. Keep your mind stayed on Him and His Word. Do not be afraid because He is always there for you. Also, do not be afraid to reach out to someone in person local to talk about this as well.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith Jehovah, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope in your latter end. Jeremiah 29:11 (WEB)
Memorial stones. Joshua 4:1-9
Father, we lift up our beloved friend to You, asking for Your forgiveness, deliverance, and a renewed commitment to You. Help them to fix their eyes on You, Jesus, and run the race You have set before them. Give them strength, hope, and encouragement as they walk with You daily. Help them to wholeheartedly commit to remember Your love and to trust You with the details of their life. God, your Word tells us that we have the mind of Christ, so please help our beloved friend to turn away from any sinful activity and renew their mind to Your truth and Your Word. Thank you that we can come to You with these requests. In Jesus' name.
Beloved, stay strong in the Lord. Keep reading the Bible, especially the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) to learn more about Jesus Christ and all he has done for each of us. Pray continually to maintain a strong relationship with our Heavenly Father, remember to stay in communication with Him.