Bunnyboo🫶🏼
Disciple of Prayer
Hi, I feel like I’ve hit the lowest point in my life. I’m still trying to find a job; each place I apply to sends me an email saying they are not hiring at this time, even though I have called said places and asked in advance. I don’t want to live in my friends’ home and not help out, you know? I don’t ask for their food because I know they are already struggling; they give me money to be able to buy little things like McDonald’s or go to 7/11, and I’m so thankful for them because if not, I would be on the streets like the homeless I walk by and think to myself how it could be me. I am literally them but got lucky enough to have a place to stay.
As for toiletries and stuff, I have my little supply, which is running low, but I’m okay. I just wish I could get hired somewhere. I even went to a job help place, but no call back. On top of that, my girlfriend broke up with me due to her thinking I wasn’t being faithful. I had a second TikTok account which had 0 followers/following. I told her weeks before about it and said because I use it when I’m sad and I overthink, I repost a bunch of the sad stuff, you know, when you’re sad and somehow TikTok knows so it shows a bunch of sad videos on your timeline. Like that, well, she assumed I was cheating. I showed her my phone; I went through everything. I mean, I really don’t talk to anybody but her and my friend. When she broke up with me, I texted her mom (I don’t know if it was the right thing to do or not). Forgive me, Lord, for bringing another person into our relationship problems. I just told her everything I had felt because that night I was crying so bad to the point where I couldn’t breathe. I had been in this relationship with a person whom I love so much and wouldn’t jeopardize it, yet she would call me all these names, b word, 3-letter word starts with h, and two-faced b word constantly & would say stuff out of anger or ignore me when she got mad at me. Not talk to me for days and say it was my fault. Now I never did this to her or with ill intentions. So I told her mom and sent screenshots. Was it wrong of me for doing so? I have no idea, but I got blocked by said gf, so I assume we are no longer together, and it hurts because I didn’t even say anything bad about her at the end of the message. I said I still love her and I wasn’t okay with being treated this way. I know most of you reading have probably been in some horrible relationships and would never wish that feeling on your kids or future kids/siblings/friends or relatives, but ever since I moved closer to her 3 hrs away, every night I had been crying for how she treated me and I let it because I was willing to put up with it like that’s the person I want to marry. Some of you argue with your spouse and still together, and I think it’s beautiful, so I was willing to put up with it, but do I deserve it? No, nobody does.
I spent the night crying out to God and asking him, like, please give me a sign because I’m tired of not finding a job; every place I go to, they turn me down. My relationship is in shambles, and I cried it to him. Have you not promised for my life to be good? (I know it might have complications, but he himself said I shall not go without things are needed.) There I was crying, bawling, not breathing, heart heavy, and I started watching Monsters Inc. to calm me down, and there was this one scene where a monster gets a kid’s sock stuck in his back, so they shout 23:19. I looked up 23:19 as a Bible verse, and here’s what came up: Numbers 23:19 in the Bible says, "God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should repent; has he said, and will he not do it? or has he spoken, and will he not make it good?" Then I listened to this to help me sleep: Job 1-42/finding strength in tough times - YouTube by Christ warriors (I would post a link but don’t think it will let me). As I was listening, I was reflecting and felt similar to the story. Have I done something to offend God? Is that why I am struggling so much? Did he leave me to the enemy? I asked for a sign, then today I went to the grocery store with my friends’ cousin to buy stuff for the house, and I saw a man in a grey outfit, jacket, a grey fitted cap, and he was walking past us. He had this black journal on him, and on the journal, bold letters spelling out the words gratitude. When I tell you it felt as if I was seeing the letters out in slow motion. Then after that, he quickly exited the store; he was holding nothing but the journal, like he just came in to show me that. So now I am just wondering why I’m supposed to do with gratitude? And does prayer really work? Does God hear our prayers? If so, how does it help? How do I start praying to him daily so he, in his greatness, will make my struggles my testimony and help me?
Also, I really miss my gf, but I know God was probably looking down at me for missing somebody who would call me those words or choose to ignore me.
As for toiletries and stuff, I have my little supply, which is running low, but I’m okay. I just wish I could get hired somewhere. I even went to a job help place, but no call back. On top of that, my girlfriend broke up with me due to her thinking I wasn’t being faithful. I had a second TikTok account which had 0 followers/following. I told her weeks before about it and said because I use it when I’m sad and I overthink, I repost a bunch of the sad stuff, you know, when you’re sad and somehow TikTok knows so it shows a bunch of sad videos on your timeline. Like that, well, she assumed I was cheating. I showed her my phone; I went through everything. I mean, I really don’t talk to anybody but her and my friend. When she broke up with me, I texted her mom (I don’t know if it was the right thing to do or not). Forgive me, Lord, for bringing another person into our relationship problems. I just told her everything I had felt because that night I was crying so bad to the point where I couldn’t breathe. I had been in this relationship with a person whom I love so much and wouldn’t jeopardize it, yet she would call me all these names, b word, 3-letter word starts with h, and two-faced b word constantly & would say stuff out of anger or ignore me when she got mad at me. Not talk to me for days and say it was my fault. Now I never did this to her or with ill intentions. So I told her mom and sent screenshots. Was it wrong of me for doing so? I have no idea, but I got blocked by said gf, so I assume we are no longer together, and it hurts because I didn’t even say anything bad about her at the end of the message. I said I still love her and I wasn’t okay with being treated this way. I know most of you reading have probably been in some horrible relationships and would never wish that feeling on your kids or future kids/siblings/friends or relatives, but ever since I moved closer to her 3 hrs away, every night I had been crying for how she treated me and I let it because I was willing to put up with it like that’s the person I want to marry. Some of you argue with your spouse and still together, and I think it’s beautiful, so I was willing to put up with it, but do I deserve it? No, nobody does.
I spent the night crying out to God and asking him, like, please give me a sign because I’m tired of not finding a job; every place I go to, they turn me down. My relationship is in shambles, and I cried it to him. Have you not promised for my life to be good? (I know it might have complications, but he himself said I shall not go without things are needed.) There I was crying, bawling, not breathing, heart heavy, and I started watching Monsters Inc. to calm me down, and there was this one scene where a monster gets a kid’s sock stuck in his back, so they shout 23:19. I looked up 23:19 as a Bible verse, and here’s what came up: Numbers 23:19 in the Bible says, "God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should repent; has he said, and will he not do it? or has he spoken, and will he not make it good?" Then I listened to this to help me sleep: Job 1-42/finding strength in tough times - YouTube by Christ warriors (I would post a link but don’t think it will let me). As I was listening, I was reflecting and felt similar to the story. Have I done something to offend God? Is that why I am struggling so much? Did he leave me to the enemy? I asked for a sign, then today I went to the grocery store with my friends’ cousin to buy stuff for the house, and I saw a man in a grey outfit, jacket, a grey fitted cap, and he was walking past us. He had this black journal on him, and on the journal, bold letters spelling out the words gratitude. When I tell you it felt as if I was seeing the letters out in slow motion. Then after that, he quickly exited the store; he was holding nothing but the journal, like he just came in to show me that. So now I am just wondering why I’m supposed to do with gratitude? And does prayer really work? Does God hear our prayers? If so, how does it help? How do I start praying to him daily so he, in his greatness, will make my struggles my testimony and help me?
