Sulidir
Disciple of Prayer
I know I previously made a prayer request for my husband and I. I also had a more expansive request for my children and myself. 7 years ago I sought God wrongly through a psychedelic drug that opened myself up to sadly, some sort of barrage of demonic attack. I went through a 2 year psychosis/schizophrenic state, followed by a period of anhedonia (absence of joy) and derealization (which continues to the present). I've tried going to several deliverance people, and have prayed and fasted, but, admittedly only for 23 days - maybe things would have completely resolved had I gone longer, I don't know. During this time I failed to be a loving, ideal parent for my children, the eldest of whom was most affected. My husband and I fought over his occult video games and sorcery based legos and reading materials - which I was told in the deliverance ministries were giving demonic right to our home (not the legos, the other things - the legos were just hideous). My son witnessed all this and my anger during the process, and seems to have absorbed the worst of what he saw, and there also seem to be some generational curses going down to him in the form of narcissism, low self esteem, and anger. Lately all our interactions seem to be characterized by his rebellion and desire to tare me down, and rebel against any of my values. As such, he tries to rebel by pretending violence, by calling me a hag, asking what I do all day as a stay at home Mom when I am cleaning up after him, fighting me on choice of church, and he explodes in anger over the smallest things to his brothers and sisters, and even his father. Extremely small things like his father corrected him on not being territorial or something, and he will throw a ballistic, 2 year old tantrum well below his age level. He sadly seems to have no self restraint, and this pains me, because, it clearly is my fault. This is clearly the result of my parenting, and 7 years ago, he was the most polite, eloquent, kind and wonderfully intelligent child - people would remark at our relationship going down the street. Now they might remark, but certainly not in the same fashion. And my heart remarks nevertheless. I am still struggling to get well myself, and then I have the additional heartbreak of seeing my children sort of in pieces. I feel like I failed him, and, the failure is painful to watch. He is still very attached to his father, but his father has ADHD and seems to only share robotics and woodworking with him, when he is present, and, sometimes he is harsh and critical and impatient with him too, because he grew up neglected by his own father. My son seems to have been cursed with the ADHD, and I would like someone to pray that, and the anger, and the narcissism off of him. I want him to be completely free from the familial curses. And, of course myself. But it is harder to see the effect on the children. Thanks.