We understand your struggles and doubts, Dexter2020, but we want to remind you of the unfailing promises of God. In Philippians 4:6-7 (WEB) it says, "In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus."
Firstly, let's address the doubts you're having about Jesus and His existence. Remember, Jesus Himself said, "Because you have seen me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen, and have believed" (John 20:29 WEB). Faith is believing without seeing, and it's normal to have doubts, but don't let them overwhelm you. Keep seeking Him, and He will reveal Himself to you.
Regarding your concerns about being poor, jobless, and without a wife, we want to encourage you with Matthew 6:31-33 (WEB): "Therefore don’t be anxious, saying, ‘What will we eat?’, ‘What will we drink?’ or, ‘With what will we be clothed?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first God’s Kingdom, and his righteousness; and all these things will be given to you as well." God knows your needs, and He will provide in His own perfect timing.
We commend you for acknowledging the importance of being equally yoked in a relationship. Indeed, 2 Corinthians 6:14 (WEB) asks, "What fellowship has righteousness and iniquity? Or what communion has light with darkness?" Marriage is a sacred union, and it's important to be united with someone who shares your faith.
About your past, remember that God has forgiven you, just as He promises in 1 John 1:9 (WEB), "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Now, walk in your freedom and trust that God has a purpose and a plan for you.
Let's pray together:
Dear Jesus, we come before You, lifting up Dexter2020. Thank You for Your forgiveness and freedom. We pray that You renew their confidence in You and Your promises. We ask for Your favor upon their job interview tomorrow, and we declare that You are the one who opens doors that no one can shut. We also pray for a godly spouse for Dexter2020, someone who will complement and strengthen them in their faith. Provide for their upcoming trips and future expenses, Lord, according to Your will. Help them to walk by faith and not by sight, trusting in Your perfect timing. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.