Anonymous
Beloved of All
I have a hard time feeling my emotions. It’s difficult to describe, but it seems very flat or stunted on the inside. I’m a bit like Spock from Star Trek: I think a lot, but there is an absence of feeling.
My problem is a result of extreme bullying that happened very frequently when I was in school. I was singled out by malicious students because my social skills at the time were very poor. I’m 34 years old now, and I barely—if ever—think of what happened from so long ago, but the psychological damage they caused affects me to this day.
God has been telling me for years now that I should meditate to cure my issue. People on internet forums have reported that meditation makes them feel more emotions, so it follows that I’ll start feeling again if I practice it regularly.
Yet meditating so I can feel again is actually a terrible idea. If I could feel my emotions and not be so flat, I would experience extreme amounts of hatred and rage, and it would affect me throughout most of the day. The reason why I would feel so much pathological anger isn’t because of any events from a long time ago or any person from the past who wronged me; it’s because of all the extreme wrongs being committed against me in the present. Unfortunately God told me that I have to suffer these horrible things, and he won’t end it for another four years. If I could feel again, I fear that my would-be pathological anger will get directed towards God for allowing these terrors to happen to me, which could put me in a lot of danger, and I would risk losing my salvation.
What are these horrible things that would make me feel extreme anger if I could feel again? There are a lot. I’ll start by describing the rapes that happen every day and night:
Satan hired a disgusting demon to rape and molest me. I don’t want to describe all the horrible details, but basically it happens all the time. If I ever lay in my bed during the day just to lay down, I feel this atrocious monster molesting me. It happens throughout the night as I sleep, and this terrible POS touches me inappropriately throughout the day even as I’m awake.
The sad thing is I can’t do anything about it. I get that God thinks I have to suffer for a really bad sin I committed like two decades ago, but why can’t he have some compassion and put a permanent end to the rapes? I can still suffer in other ways if that is what is necessary. But please, I want the rapes to end. And if God won’t end it, then meditating so I can feel emotions would make me feel extreme rage about this and all the other terrors I have to go through every day and night.
What is something else that would produce hatred throughout the day if I could feel again? There is the fact that the attached demons shock my brain whenever I try to feel happy. If I feel happy for a splint second, even if it’s faintly happy, the demons assault me by shocking my head.
If God wants me to be happy and thinks it can be accomplished by meditating, doesn’t he realize that I will get brutally assaulted for feeling happy because of the atrocious demons, who he won’t get rid of? Not only would my would-be anger be felt towards the demons for getting away with assaulting me; it would be directed at God for allowing it to happen (which again puts my salvation at risk).
Demons have been attached to my body for my entire adult life so far, and there isn’t anything I can do about it. I committed a bad sin nearly two decades ago. I don’t want to describe what it is, but I’ve tried my best to seek amends: I’ve written apology letters, I apologized to the person I wronged many times, I apologized to his family several times. I’ve done everything I can possibly do to show I’m sorry for what happened. While I was a very poor Christian at the time it happened, I’m a much different person now: I have become a very good Christian who goes to church regularly and prays daily. I’m not the person I was at age 17.
God told me I’m forgiven. Unfortunately he said I have to suffer with atrocious demons for another four or whatever years. There isn’t anything I can do to change this, since I have already done everything I can possibly do. My life is going to be a complete trainwreck for many more years—and it won’t change. If I ask God—or even beg God—to make it all stop permanently, it won’t happen.
Please pray and tell God that meditation isn’t possible right now. The point of doing it is to make me feel my emotions again; and if I could feel my emotions again, all I would experience is extreme amounts of hatred and rage throughout the day. Also, please pray that the rapes permanently stop, and that the demonic rapist faces justice, and that I never get raped and molested by another demon ever again. Also, please pray that God blocks the demons from shocking my brain or shocking some other area if I feel even the faintest bit of happiness. My life is completely ruined by the vindictiveness towards me for a bad sin I committed at age 17, so any prayers will help.
My problem is a result of extreme bullying that happened very frequently when I was in school. I was singled out by malicious students because my social skills at the time were very poor. I’m 34 years old now, and I barely—if ever—think of what happened from so long ago, but the psychological damage they caused affects me to this day.
God has been telling me for years now that I should meditate to cure my issue. People on internet forums have reported that meditation makes them feel more emotions, so it follows that I’ll start feeling again if I practice it regularly.
Yet meditating so I can feel again is actually a terrible idea. If I could feel my emotions and not be so flat, I would experience extreme amounts of hatred and rage, and it would affect me throughout most of the day. The reason why I would feel so much pathological anger isn’t because of any events from a long time ago or any person from the past who wronged me; it’s because of all the extreme wrongs being committed against me in the present. Unfortunately God told me that I have to suffer these horrible things, and he won’t end it for another four years. If I could feel again, I fear that my would-be pathological anger will get directed towards God for allowing these terrors to happen to me, which could put me in a lot of danger, and I would risk losing my salvation.
What are these horrible things that would make me feel extreme anger if I could feel again? There are a lot. I’ll start by describing the rapes that happen every day and night:
Satan hired a disgusting demon to rape and molest me. I don’t want to describe all the horrible details, but basically it happens all the time. If I ever lay in my bed during the day just to lay down, I feel this atrocious monster molesting me. It happens throughout the night as I sleep, and this terrible POS touches me inappropriately throughout the day even as I’m awake.
The sad thing is I can’t do anything about it. I get that God thinks I have to suffer for a really bad sin I committed like two decades ago, but why can’t he have some compassion and put a permanent end to the rapes? I can still suffer in other ways if that is what is necessary. But please, I want the rapes to end. And if God won’t end it, then meditating so I can feel emotions would make me feel extreme rage about this and all the other terrors I have to go through every day and night.
What is something else that would produce hatred throughout the day if I could feel again? There is the fact that the attached demons shock my brain whenever I try to feel happy. If I feel happy for a splint second, even if it’s faintly happy, the demons assault me by shocking my head.
If God wants me to be happy and thinks it can be accomplished by meditating, doesn’t he realize that I will get brutally assaulted for feeling happy because of the atrocious demons, who he won’t get rid of? Not only would my would-be anger be felt towards the demons for getting away with assaulting me; it would be directed at God for allowing it to happen (which again puts my salvation at risk).
Demons have been attached to my body for my entire adult life so far, and there isn’t anything I can do about it. I committed a bad sin nearly two decades ago. I don’t want to describe what it is, but I’ve tried my best to seek amends: I’ve written apology letters, I apologized to the person I wronged many times, I apologized to his family several times. I’ve done everything I can possibly do to show I’m sorry for what happened. While I was a very poor Christian at the time it happened, I’m a much different person now: I have become a very good Christian who goes to church regularly and prays daily. I’m not the person I was at age 17.
God told me I’m forgiven. Unfortunately he said I have to suffer with atrocious demons for another four or whatever years. There isn’t anything I can do to change this, since I have already done everything I can possibly do. My life is going to be a complete trainwreck for many more years—and it won’t change. If I ask God—or even beg God—to make it all stop permanently, it won’t happen.
Please pray and tell God that meditation isn’t possible right now. The point of doing it is to make me feel my emotions again; and if I could feel my emotions again, all I would experience is extreme amounts of hatred and rage throughout the day. Also, please pray that the rapes permanently stop, and that the demonic rapist faces justice, and that I never get raped and molested by another demon ever again. Also, please pray that God blocks the demons from shocking my brain or shocking some other area if I feel even the faintest bit of happiness. My life is completely ruined by the vindictiveness towards me for a bad sin I committed at age 17, so any prayers will help.
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**Urgent Prayer Needed!** 
**Prayer Updates:**
**Anonymous** seeks travel peace & blessings.
