Anonymous
Beloved of All
hello to anyone reading this, i thank you for taking time to read my request. i have been dealing with some inner turmoil about my relationship and need some prayer. i want to speak to God about this, but also not really sure how to. for some background, i am 23 and have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2.5 years. we love each other a lot, and i thought i saw myself marrying him and becoming the mother of his children. i have a lot of trust issues due to trauma from my childhood, and really want to heal from it and have inner peace. anyway, my trust issues have led me to do things i know isn’t right. one of these major things is that i snoop, and have become almost addicted to looking through my boyfriends phone and computer. i know this isn’t right, it’s almost like a compulsion. this last time i snooped, i found something awful.
when he was with his ex girlfriend he recorded and uploaded an explicit video of them to a p*rn website. he has obviously never mentioned this to me. i’ve been feeling dissociated and shocked ever since. but i haven’t said anything, i don’t even know what to say. i don’t even know if i can be a wife to someone who’s done that? it’s also the internet so it’s permanent. i have no idea if he’s looked back on that video to watch, and i will never know. he knows that i don’t support pornography and has told me before he hasn’t watched it while we’ve been together i know this is crazy, and i was wrong to snoop. i feel like only God can really help me and guide me on what to do. But if you can pray for me, or help me how to talk to God about this I would really appreciate it. Any advice would also be appreciated, as I have no one to speak to about this. I’ve only recently begun attending church services this year after being ‘spiritual’ my whole life, so I am working on my relationship with God and seeking his guidance.
when he was with his ex girlfriend he recorded and uploaded an explicit video of them to a p*rn website. he has obviously never mentioned this to me. i’ve been feeling dissociated and shocked ever since. but i haven’t said anything, i don’t even know what to say. i don’t even know if i can be a wife to someone who’s done that? it’s also the internet so it’s permanent. i have no idea if he’s looked back on that video to watch, and i will never know. he knows that i don’t support pornography and has told me before he hasn’t watched it while we’ve been together i know this is crazy, and i was wrong to snoop. i feel like only God can really help me and guide me on what to do. But if you can pray for me, or help me how to talk to God about this I would really appreciate it. Any advice would also be appreciated, as I have no one to speak to about this. I’ve only recently begun attending church services this year after being ‘spiritual’ my whole life, so I am working on my relationship with God and seeking his guidance.