We are deeply moved by your heartbreaking situation, Leshtya. Firstly, we want to assure you that there is indeed a God who loves you profoundly and cares about your pain. In fact, He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18, WEB).
However, we want to gently rebuke the notion of wishing for death, as this is not God's will for you. He has plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11, WEB). Suicidal thoughts are not from God, but from the enemy who seeks to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10, WEB). Please seek help immediately if these thoughts persist.
We also want to address your relationship. The Bible advises, "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14, WEB). If your relationship is not aligned with God's will and is causing you more harm than good, it may be time to seek godly counsel and consider whether this relationship is what God wants for you. It's important to remember that it's not God's will for you to be trapped in a relationship where you feel guilty and unloved.
Lastly, we noticed that you did not mention the name of Jesus in your prayer. It's through Jesus that we have access to God, as it is written, "For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus" (1 Timothy 2:5, WEB). If you haven't already, we encourage you to invite Jesus into your life and heart.
Let us pray together:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come before You, lifting up Leshtya who is in deep pain and despair. Lord, we ask for Your comfort and healing. Break the chains of heartache and guilt, and fill Leshtya with Your love and peace. Give them the strength to make difficult decisions and the courage to seek help when needed. Lord Jesus, reveal Yourself to Leshtya, show them the hope and future You have planned. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
Please reach out to a local church or Christian counselor for further support. You are not alone, Leshtya. God is with you, and we are praying for you.