tgs17
Humble Prayer Partner
Thank you so very much, LORD GOD, that I got to spend the night last night at home in my own bed instead of in the hospital. Please bless the kind, compassionate, nurses and doctors who cared for me, but thank you most of all that all the tests have come back negative! Please let the tests that are still out, also come back negative. If there's anything wrong that caused my issues which hasn't been tested yet, let those show the problem but be easily fixed. Please let the new doctor I'm seeing Monday be caring and compassionate, and not judgmental because of all of things that have happened to me in my life. I know I haven't always made the best choices in my life and with my health but I feel I did the best I could at the time with the challenges and decisions before me; there was always something, it seemed, going wrong with my body that was real and measurable, yet at times so hard to pinpoint and understand so the treatment plan could be clear and concise. I dont always respond to medications or treatments as expected making it frustrating for me and my caregivers. I confess, Lord, that there were times I was secretly happy when something was found to be wrong with me because I knew that at least for a little while, the illness, surgery or diagnosis would ease some of the stress others placed on me. Even though I didn't make my health issues happen nor did I pray for them to happen, when they did come, however, I knew I would be granted a break from the anger, hateful words and continual pressure put on me by my mother, my father, my brother and even my husband. It was truly a welcomed thing to receive this break, no matter what form it came in, even from health issues, and even though I loved working and my job, the daily physical pain I began to endure, made that, too, just another source of unyielding pressure. You know, Father, the stress I have described has been ever present in my life since I was just a baby...I didn't make those choices that put so much stress on me then, but I did make the decision to marry a man who just continued my life of stress and in even greater ways for the past 30+ years! No one sees those factors when I am sitting before them, sick and in pain, looking for help. They don't know what the relationships in my life have done to me or how they've possibly contributed to my poor health; they don't understand how life in a pressure cooker has made it almost impossible at times to make good decisions or the right decisions about my health. Additionally, since I always assumed my current health issue had to be my last, I made decisions that I'm sure I would have made differently if I had known how many times I would have to go through some medical procedure, ct scan, surgery, etc. I never saw until now how all of the smaller decisions, procedures, etc would lead up to a snowball, making it hard to determine the exact cause of my current health issue. Every doctor I have seen, until just recently in the past year maybe, had always told me that what they wanted to do or what they suggested would be my cure...It will absolutely be exactly what I needed and what would fix, if not everything, at least my current illness, injury or pain. But I learned pretty quickly that this wasn't always true... Many times the healing was only partial or sometimes not at all. One thing that my current doctors who are judging me for all I've had done don't know, is how I've always strived for the least invasive treatment or therapy before ever jumping into something major, with the exception of 2 surgeries. All the others, I went through conservative therapy(ies) or YEARS of pain before ever choosing to be cut or even seeking help. Acupuncture, chiropractic adjustments, cold laser therapy, steroid injections, yoga, weight training, psychological evaluation and treatment, etc. I even postponed numerous surgeries because I didn't want to go through another painful thing in my life yet again. I have at least 1 sugery, 3 procedures and 1 doctor appointment I have continued to put off for months, even years because I just don't want to go through anything else. I know I am putting myself at risk for cancer by having to continually take antibiotics that the recommended sinus surgery could possibly put an end to, and neglecting the recommended procedures after having a precancerous lesion removed from inside my body could end up putting me through even more surgeries and procedures I don't want but I just want to be left alone....I don't want anything else. I want to live my life and not be bothered by treatments, medications, surgeries andThank you so very much, LORD GOD, that I got to spend the night last night at home in my own bed instead of in the hospital. Please bless the kind, compassionate, nurses and doctors who cared for me, but thank you most of all that all the tests have come back negative! Please let the tests that are still out, also come back negative. If there's anything wrong that caused my issues which hasn't been tested yet, let those show the problem but be easily fixed. Please let the new doctor I'm seeing Monday be caring and compassionate, and not judgmental because of all of things that have happened to me in my life. I know I haven't always made the best choices in my life and with my health but I feel I did the best I could at the time with the challenges and decisions before me; there was always something, it seemed, going wrong with my body that was real and measurable, yet so hard to pinpoint and understand so the treatment plan could be clear and concise. So many times I haven't responded to medications or treatments as most do making it frustrating for me and my caregivers. I confess, Lord, that there were times I was secretly happy when something was found to be wrong with me because I knew that at least for a little while, the illness, surgery or diagnosis would ease some of the stress others placed on me. Even though I didn't make my health issues happen nor did I pray for them to happen, when they did come, however, I knew I would be granted a break from the anger, hateful words and continual pressure put on me by my mother, my father, my brother and even my husband. It was truly a welcomed thing to receive this break, no matter what form it came in, even from health issues, and even though I loved working and my job, the daily physical pain I began to endure, made that, too, just another source of unyielding pressure. You know, Father, the stress I have described has been ever present in my life since I was just a baby...I didn't make those choices that put so much stress on me then, but I did make the decision to marry a man who just continued my life of stress and in even greater ways for the past 30+ years! No one sees those factors when I am sitting before them. They don't know what the relationships in my life have done to me or how they've contributed to my poor health; they don't understand how life in a pressure cooker can make it almost impossible to make good decisions or make the right decisions about my health, and since I always assumed my current health issue had to be my last, I made decisions that I'm sure I would have made differently if I had known how many times I would have to go through some medical procedure, ct scan, surgery, etc. I never saw until now how all of the smaller decisions, procedures, etc would lead up to a snowball, making it hard to determine the exact cause of my current health issue. Every doctor I have seen, until just recently in the past year maybe, had always told me that what they wanted to do or what they suggested would be my cure...It will absolutely be exactly what I need and what will fix if not everything, at least my current illness, injury or pain. But I learned pretty quickly that this wasn't always true... Many times the healing was only partial or sometimes not at all. One thing that my current doctors who are judging me for all I've had done don't know, is how I've always strived for the least invasive treatment or therapy before ever jumping into something major, with the exception of 2 surgeries. All the others, I went through conservative therapy(ies) or YEARS of pain before ever choosing to be cut or even seeking help. Acupuncture, chiropractic adjustments, cold laser therapy, steroid injections, yoga, weight training, psychological evaluation and treatment, etc. I even postponed numerous surgeries because I didn't want to go through another painful thing in my life yet again. I have at least 1 sugery, 3 procedures and 1 doctor appointment I have continued to put off for months, even years because I just don't want to go through anything else. I know I am putting myself at risk for cancer by having to continually take antibiotics that the recommended sinus surgery could possibly put an end to, and neglecting the recommended procedures after having a precancerous lesion removed from inside my body could end up putting me through even more surgeries and procedures I don't want but I just want to be left alone....I don't want anything else. I want to live my life and not be bothered by treatments, medications, surgeries and the like. Doctors and nurses have a tendency to look at me and my extensive medical history as if I wanted these things and am some kind of medical junkie, just hoping for some grim diagnosis and more surgery or medication. But YOU, LORD GOD know the truth! You know their accusations and unspoken assumptions are wrong. You know how many medications I have stopped over the past few months, and how much pain medicine I no longer take. After my mother's death a few months ago following her fight with cancer, I have experienced relief from my pain that I have never had before! I look forward to each day with less pain and less medication I have to take. I look forward to being able to do more and sit less. You know, my Lord God I have never sought pain medication for any other reason than to reduce my suffering and make life a little more tolerable. I never used my pain medications to remove or mask my emotional pain. Forgive those, I pray, for judging me incorrectly just because of what they see about my medical past and current medications, and help me to forgive them as well. I know, Father, I was wrong to look forward to medical procedures and surgeries because I knew it would give me a break from the stress put on me by my family, but Father, you know I don't and didn't abuse the pain medications given to me; thank you for giving me at least that bit of strength and clarity of thinking that I was able to stay away from that pitfall. Please, my LORD GOD, help me go forward from here and make better decisions with my health, and allow the poor decisions I've already made not to affect my health negatively in the future. Again, I know many of the choices I've made cannot be undone, but some actually can be if my pain level continues to go down. Thank you so very much that my husband, after over 30 years of stressful marriage, has made some real changes in his level of anger and meanness over the past 6 months; with YOU, LORD, true and lasting changes are always possible! Make that true for me too! Let that be so for me.... Bless those here on this forum praying for others and for me. Bless their lives and answer their prayers, too. Bless them for not being judgmental as the world is but for being guided by faith, mercy and grace, which we all need and need to freely give. All this I pray, in the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. Amen!
the like. Doctors and nurses have a tendency to look at me and my extensive medical history as if I wanted these things and am some kind of medical junkie, just hoping for some grim diagnosis and more surgery or medication. But YOU, LORD GOD know the truth! You know their accusations and unspoken assumptions are wrong. You know how many medications I have stopped over the past few months, and how much pain medicine I no longer take. After my mother's death a few months ago following her fight with cancer, I have experienced relief from my pain that I have never had before! I look forward to each day with less pain and less medication I have to take. I look forward to being able to do more and sit less. You know, my Lord God I have never sought pain medication for any other reason than to reduce my suffering and make life a little more tolerable. I never used my pain medications to remove or mask my emotional pain. Forgive those, I pray, for judging me incorrectly just because of what they see about my medical past and current medications, and help me to forgive them as well. I know, Father, I was wrong to look forward to medical procedures and surgeries because I knew it would give me a break from the stress put on me by my family, but Father, you know I don't and didn't abuse the pain medications given to me; thank you for giving me at least that bit of strength and clarity of thinking that I was able to stay away from that pitfall. Please, my LORD GOD, help me go forward from here and make better decisions with my health, and allow the poor decisions I've already made not to affect my health negatively in the future. Again, I know many of the choices I've made cannot be undone, but some actually can be if my pain level continues to go down. Thank you so very much that my husband, after over 30 years of stressful marriage, has made some real changes in his level of anger and meanness over the past 6 months; with YOU, LORD, true and lasting changes are always possible! Make that true for me too! Let that be so for me.... Bless those here on this forum praying for others and for me, and for taking their precious time to read my LONG prayers and heartfelt confessions. Bless their lives and answer their prayers, too. Bless them for not being judgmental as the world is but for being guided by faith, mercy and grace, which we all need and need to freely give. All this I pray, in the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. Amen!
the like. Doctors and nurses have a tendency to look at me and my extensive medical history as if I wanted these things and am some kind of medical junkie, just hoping for some grim diagnosis and more surgery or medication. But YOU, LORD GOD know the truth! You know their accusations and unspoken assumptions are wrong. You know how many medications I have stopped over the past few months, and how much pain medicine I no longer take. After my mother's death a few months ago following her fight with cancer, I have experienced relief from my pain that I have never had before! I look forward to each day with less pain and less medication I have to take. I look forward to being able to do more and sit less. You know, my Lord God I have never sought pain medication for any other reason than to reduce my suffering and make life a little more tolerable. I never used my pain medications to remove or mask my emotional pain. Forgive those, I pray, for judging me incorrectly just because of what they see about my medical past and current medications, and help me to forgive them as well. I know, Father, I was wrong to look forward to medical procedures and surgeries because I knew it would give me a break from the stress put on me by my family, but Father, you know I don't and didn't abuse the pain medications given to me; thank you for giving me at least that bit of strength and clarity of thinking that I was able to stay away from that pitfall. Please, my LORD GOD, help me go forward from here and make better decisions with my health, and allow the poor decisions I've already made not to affect my health negatively in the future. Again, I know many of the choices I've made cannot be undone, but some actually can be if my pain level continues to go down. Thank you so very much that my husband, after over 30 years of stressful marriage, has made some real changes in his level of anger and meanness over the past 6 months; with YOU, LORD, true and lasting changes are always possible! Make that true for me too! Let that be so for me.... Bless those here on this forum praying for others and for me, and for taking their precious time to read my LONG prayers and heartfelt confessions. Bless their lives and answer their prayers, too. Bless them for not being judgmental as the world is but for being guided by faith, mercy and grace, which we all need and need to freely give. All this I pray, in the name of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. Amen!