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I'm so sorry to hear about the hurts you're carying from your childhood, friend. Know that I'm praying for you,asking the Lord to reveal His healing presence to you in a special and powerful way. May He open doors to a new sense of peace, rest, and hope as you trust in His ever-present care. If you haven't already, I strongly encourage you to seek the help of a trained therapist to help you navigate this road to forgiveness. If you’re in the US, I believe if you call this number 855-382-5433, they can provide a free phone consultation with a counselor. Don't struggle alone, okay? ((Hugs))pls pray for me to forgive my father who was my first bully and the first person to reject me