Tonight I feel like I'm breaking apart. Something inside doesn't feel right. I don't understand but I don't feel like I have the peace of God in me. It is not that I don't know what the Bible says. Jesus died and rose again for all of us. Anyone that calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. I've done that a long time ago, and many times after. I don't know how to put what is happening to me into words cause it doesn't make sense... Sometimes I don't feel like God has been fair to me. I feel like I should be a better Christian than I am. It seems like the problem is, I can't be fed in the way I need to be fed. I feel like I am disobeying God, not because I am doing it on purpose but because God allowed me to fall into a situation that locked me into place of isolation and uselessness for Him. I'm in a 2nd shift janitor job because Jesus allowed me to have a learning disability. The job isolates me from nearly everyone, and nobody really wants to talk to me. I don't go to Church anymore, because Jesus allowed several Churches to reject my parents and I. I don't have a wife because Jesus allowed things about me and the things around me to not line up correctly for that. I really don't understand God's purpose for me. Why can't He just take me off this world, or do something to help change things. Why do I need to keep fighting to get nowhere with anything. How come my prayers, don't get answered? How come I can't trust better? I don't understand. I feel like I'm breaking apart. Am I still a Christian? People are so crazy. Once someone told me that God told them that I would get married and be happy, a year later, that same person told me God told them not to talk to me anymore. Honestly I have never seen anyone get a word from the Lord and have it come true. It's always been bad, and I got other examples too.