Tonight I feel like I'm breaking apart. Something inside doesn't feel right. I don't understand but I don't feel like I have the peace of God in me. It is not that I don't know what the Bible says. Jesus died and rose again for all of us. Anyone that calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. I've done that a long time ago, and many times after. I don't know how to put what is happening to me into words cause it doesn't make sense... Sometimes I don't feel like God has been fair to me. I feel like I should be a better Christian than I am. It seems like the problem is, I can't be fed in the way I need to be fed. I feel like I am disobeying God, not because I am doing it on purpose but because God allowed me to fall into a situation that locked me into a place of isolation and uselessness for Him. I'm in a 2nd shift janitor job because Jesus allowed me to have a learning disability. The job isolates me from nearly everyone, and nobody really wants to talk to me. I don't go to Church anymore, because Jesus allowed several Churches to reject my parents and I. I don't have a wife because Jesus allowed things about me and the things around me to not line up correctly for that. I really don't understand God's purpose for me. Why can't He just take me off this world, or do something to help change things. Why do I need to keep fighting to get nowhere with anything. How come my prayers, don't get answered? How come I can't trust better? I don't understand. I feel like I'm breaking apart. Am I still a Christian? People are so crazy. Once someone told me that God told them that I would get married and be happy, a year later, that same person told me God told them not to talk to me anymore. Honestly I have never seen anyone get a word from the Lord and have it come true. It's always been bad, and I got other examples too.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. Bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, and Your righteousness. Help and strengthen me God to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding.