Anonymous
Beloved of All
Hello. I should start by saying I am not a practicing Christian. I went to a catholic school and I have always believed in the healing powers of Jesus. I’m going through a very difficult time and I just wanted to share how I’m feeling. I feel like a hypocrite even coming to this forum and making a prayer request but I would be very much obliged if anyone even reads this and has any perspectives to share. Ever since I can remember all I’ve wanted is to be a mother. After a complicated journey of trying to conceive naturally, I went through IVF (tested, high quality embryo) in late ###. After progressing really well, inexplicably on December 24, ### I miscarried. I remember being confused and surprised as I didn’t even know this could happen with a tested embryo. Thanks to God, I naturally conceived in March ### but miscarried on May ###. We decided to keep going and I became pregnant naturally again in July### with twins. One was progressing fine, the other was not and the latter miscarried and ended up impacting the former by October ###. Then by the grace of God, we had a successful IVF transfer in January ### with who is now my beautiful ###yrs old daughter. I really want another child, so we went for IVF in April ###. Inexplicably, another tested, high quality embryo didn’t take. Then we tried again in November ###. I was pregnant for one glorious week with this tested, high quality embryo until the pregnancy just vanished. I’m ### now, we have almost dwindled our limited supply of high quality embryos and all forms of testing show nothing that should be preventing me from getting pregnant. By some miracle, I somehow became naturally pregnant again. I’m now ### weeks and the pregnancy has been feeling and looking beautiful. According to the doctor, the NT scan was perfect and the baby is doing great. They recommended a NIPT (before we did this test he said everything looks so good, I would be shocked if there’s anything to be worried about but just do it as a formality). The NIPT came back with a shocking positive for T21 chromosomal abnormality. I just can’t believe it, no matter what any test says I feel, I just feel everything is okay. We have been asked to do a more invasive test to make sure but the doctor seems sure it will only confirm what the NIPT told us. I am here with a plea for prayer that the NIPT should turn out to be a false positive or that the Lord in His infinite, inscrutable ways place His healing hand and heal my child. Most of all I pray for strength. I just can’t stop crying and I’m so disappointed in myself. I’ve seen enough worst case outcomes with my prior pregnancies that I feel like I should have been mentally prepared for this but I am clearly not. I am exhausted of hearing my doctor tell me that I seem to hit the worst, unlikeliest odds often. I am really hoping for a miracle and to actually hit a good, unlikely odd this time. I am sorry for the lengthy post. Thank you for reading.