Anonymous
Beloved of All
Hello. I should start by saying I am not a practicing Christian. I went to a catholic school and I have always believed in the healing powers of Jesus. I’m going through a very difficult time and I just wanted to share how I’m feeling. I feel like a hypocrite even coming to this forum and making a prayer request but I would be very much obliged if anyone even reads this and has any perspectives to share. Ever since I can remember all I’ve wanted is to be a mother. After a complicated journey of trying to conceive naturally, I went through IVF (tested, high quality embryo) in late 2017. After progressing really well, inexplicably on December 24, 2017 I miscarried. I remember being confused and surprised as I didn’t even know this could happen with a tested embryo. Thanks to god, I naturally conceived in March 2018 but miscarried on May 2018. We decided to keep going and I became pregnant naturally again in July2018 with twins. One was progressing fine, the other was not and the latter miscarried and ended up impacting the former by October 2018. Then by the grace of God, we had a successful IVF transfer in January 2019 with who is now my beautiful 5yrs old daughter. I really want another child, so we went for IVF in April 2023. Inexplicably, another tested, high quality embryo didn’t take. Then we tried again in November 2023. I was pregnant for one glorious week with this tested, high quality embryo until the pregnancy just vanished. I’m 44 now, we have almost dwindled our limited supply of high quality embryos and all forms of testing show nothing that should be preventing me from getting pregnant. By some miracle, I somehow became naturally pregnant again. I’m now 15 weeks and the pregnancy has been feeling and looking beautiful. According to the doctor, the NT scan was perfect and the baby is doing great. They recommended a NIPT (before we did this test he said everything looks so good, I would be shocked if there’s anything to be worried about but just do it as a formality). The NIPT came back with a shocking positive for T21 chromosomal abnormality. I just can’t believe it, no matter what any test says I feel, I just feel everything is okay. We have been asked to do a more invasive test to make sure but the doctor seems sure it will only confirm what the NIPT told us. I am here with a plea for prayer that the NIPT should turn out to be a false positive or that the Lord in His infinite, inscrutable ways place his healing hand and heal my child. Most of all I pray for strength. I just can’t stop crying and I’m so disappointed in myself. I’ve seen enough worst case outcomes with my prior pregnancies that I feel like I should have been mentally prepared for this but I am clearly not. I am exhausted of hearing my doctor tell me that I seem to hit the worst, unlikeliest odds often. I am really hoping for a miracle and to actually hit a good, unlikely odd this time. I am sorry for the lengthy post. Thank you for reading.