Theolland
Prayer Partner
I'm a 25 year old man. Despite being accomplished in school and showing a promising future, I floundered a lot after graduating high school. I wasn't useless mind you. I had a job, helped my family finacially and physically. We live in rural area where daily life is a lot of physical work. But I could have done more for them and definitely could have done more to better myself. And I was actually starting to. I was making a bit more money and starting to figure out my path, find my groove.
But I had a kind of, final blowout I guess of sin and lies and dumb decisions about 2 months ago. I feel guilty and remorseful for all of this and have apologized and begged God's forgiveness many times.
And shortly after these dumb decisions, I fell quite ill. For 2 months I have been. For a while I believed it was a result of my more sinful acts but now it actually seems what may have done me in was after this when, fearing for my health, I foolishly tried to self medicate in a ridiculous effort to keep myself healthy after my sinful actions, and now believe it was actually that which resulted in my current condition. Though I know my sinful actions led me to this it still seems like my life has become a cruel joke as a result.
I have good reason to believe I'm inflicted with an autoimmune disease, specifically Sjogren's. I deeply fear this disease as there isn't much good treatment and the way it seems to completely change if not destroy quality of life. I believe some of the medication I self prescribed caused this reaction and triggered it since i have an autoimmune history in my family. I can't be sure that this is what it is but all signs lead me there. I'm waiting to see my doctors to test for things. I also can't be sure it was my actions that caused it but i certainly feel that way, blame myself entirely and have been stuck in deep self loathing, anxiety and depression ever since. I also have been forced to see what a selfish awful person i can be as ive been unable to put my grief aside and focus on others.
I'm in great physical and emotional pain, I've greatly stressed my family, let them down for not being able to help them as good as I used to (my father's health isn't great and we are poor), I've badly damaged my relationships with them and I feel I've ruined my future as the long term of this disease isn't pleasant.
So I'm praying and begging God to save me from this. I'm begging him for nothing short of truly miraculous healing in the name of Jesus Christ as I know is the only way. I'm begging him to remove and/or fix what has gone wrong in my body, to heal and repair the damage done and save me from this fate. To save my family from it as we can't afford it financially or physically. And the really bad thing is I've even gotten angry and hopeless feeling that God hasn't healed me yet. I get awful mood swings and get upset then find myself begging forgiveness for that. I'm not well mentally and my life just feels like a painful circle that, I regret to say I've even asked to end, even if it meant not waking up once I go to sleep.
I have no right to ask, I don't deserve it and I don't see why God would find much reason to, other than I know I can and vow to live a better life, to be better for Him, for my family and for the world if I can live my life without this disease than with it. I beg for one last chance to live my life with a strong healthy body.
And though I feel selfish and guilty, knowing there are others far more in need than myself but I feel bad for my family and fear I wont be much use to them with this and since I genuinely feel hopeless and dread the future at this point, I'm asking and begging if you all would pray the same for me. To be with me and family and for truly miraculous healing for me from this terrible disease, whether it be Sjogren's or something else. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray and beg.
But I had a kind of, final blowout I guess of sin and lies and dumb decisions about 2 months ago. I feel guilty and remorseful for all of this and have apologized and begged God's forgiveness many times.
And shortly after these dumb decisions, I fell quite ill. For 2 months I have been. For a while I believed it was a result of my more sinful acts but now it actually seems what may have done me in was after this when, fearing for my health, I foolishly tried to self medicate in a ridiculous effort to keep myself healthy after my sinful actions, and now believe it was actually that which resulted in my current condition. Though I know my sinful actions led me to this it still seems like my life has become a cruel joke as a result.
I have good reason to believe I'm inflicted with an autoimmune disease, specifically Sjogren's. I deeply fear this disease as there isn't much good treatment and the way it seems to completely change if not destroy quality of life. I believe some of the medication I self prescribed caused this reaction and triggered it since i have an autoimmune history in my family. I can't be sure that this is what it is but all signs lead me there. I'm waiting to see my doctors to test for things. I also can't be sure it was my actions that caused it but i certainly feel that way, blame myself entirely and have been stuck in deep self loathing, anxiety and depression ever since. I also have been forced to see what a selfish awful person i can be as ive been unable to put my grief aside and focus on others.
I'm in great physical and emotional pain, I've greatly stressed my family, let them down for not being able to help them as good as I used to (my father's health isn't great and we are poor), I've badly damaged my relationships with them and I feel I've ruined my future as the long term of this disease isn't pleasant.
So I'm praying and begging God to save me from this. I'm begging him for nothing short of truly miraculous healing in the name of Jesus Christ as I know is the only way. I'm begging him to remove and/or fix what has gone wrong in my body, to heal and repair the damage done and save me from this fate. To save my family from it as we can't afford it financially or physically. And the really bad thing is I've even gotten angry and hopeless feeling that God hasn't healed me yet. I get awful mood swings and get upset then find myself begging forgiveness for that. I'm not well mentally and my life just feels like a painful circle that, I regret to say I've even asked to end, even if it meant not waking up once I go to sleep.
I have no right to ask, I don't deserve it and I don't see why God would find much reason to, other than I know I can and vow to live a better life, to be better for Him, for my family and for the world if I can live my life without this disease than with it. I beg for one last chance to live my life with a strong healthy body.
And though I feel selfish and guilty, knowing there are others far more in need than myself but I feel bad for my family and fear I wont be much use to them with this and since I genuinely feel hopeless and dread the future at this point, I'm asking and begging if you all would pray the same for me. To be with me and family and for truly miraculous healing for me from this terrible disease, whether it be Sjogren's or something else. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray and beg.