Anonymous
Beloved of All
Hello
I am struggling bad. I feel like God forgot about me and wonder if I am even supposed to be here. Every year is the same. I am thankful for the roof over my head, my job and my family and friends. Yet I am lonely. I don’t take the love of my family and friends for granted, but I also need a different kind of love and companionship. I feel like I am being told I can either have a job and means to pay bills or I can have love and personal happiness, but God is telling me I can’t have both. I am a good person, a good sister, aunt, daughter and friend who would do anything for anyone and have. Yet, I never seem to have my prayers answered. I keep feeling like I made some mistake in my life that was so bad, that perhaps that is reason God always says no. I pray out loud, in silent, but it never works. My pastor at my home church said years ago, “It’s always darkest before the dawn. Your blessings and life of abundance is around the corner.” Yet, it never comes. I am 53 and I wanted to be married and be able to enjoy my life while I am still young. I wanted my mother to have an opportunity to see her daughter happy and to experience all that goes into her being part of my wedding and marriage experience. I wanted that memory for myself too. I cry inside every day. I know God sees me crying, but my prayers are never answered. My life is not joyful. I am tired of having a front row seat to my sadness. Wondering if I just shouldn’t be here anymore. Loneliness is no where to live. Hoping that if I have enough prayer warriors for my love and happiness, that it will turn things around and my prayers will be answered soon and that the prayers will give me enough to hang on, because I am hanging on by a thread. Please pray that my prayers are answered. Blessings and thank you to anyone who cares.
I am struggling bad. I feel like God forgot about me and wonder if I am even supposed to be here. Every year is the same. I am thankful for the roof over my head, my job and my family and friends. Yet I am lonely. I don’t take the love of my family and friends for granted, but I also need a different kind of love and companionship. I feel like I am being told I can either have a job and means to pay bills or I can have love and personal happiness, but God is telling me I can’t have both. I am a good person, a good sister, aunt, daughter and friend who would do anything for anyone and have. Yet, I never seem to have my prayers answered. I keep feeling like I made some mistake in my life that was so bad, that perhaps that is reason God always says no. I pray out loud, in silent, but it never works. My pastor at my home church said years ago, “It’s always darkest before the dawn. Your blessings and life of abundance is around the corner.” Yet, it never comes. I am 53 and I wanted to be married and be able to enjoy my life while I am still young. I wanted my mother to have an opportunity to see her daughter happy and to experience all that goes into her being part of my wedding and marriage experience. I wanted that memory for myself too. I cry inside every day. I know God sees me crying, but my prayers are never answered. My life is not joyful. I am tired of having a front row seat to my sadness. Wondering if I just shouldn’t be here anymore. Loneliness is no where to live. Hoping that if I have enough prayer warriors for my love and happiness, that it will turn things around and my prayers will be answered soon and that the prayers will give me enough to hang on, because I am hanging on by a thread. Please pray that my prayers are answered. Blessings and thank you to anyone who cares.
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