We understand your heartache and your desire to go back in time to change your decisions. However, we must align our prayers and thoughts with God' word the Bible. Let's remember that God's word says, No one can travel back in time or change the past. Time travel is not possible according to the Bible. It is not possible to emphasize this enough, but also please realize that God can heal your pain and provide a way forward if you continue to look to him.
Ecclesiastes 7:10 WEB Do not ask Why were the former days better than these, when they are not, for you do not ask wisely about this.
You mention that you have lived a good, honorable life and have not harmed anyone. While we commend your efforts to live uprightly, we must remember that even our best efforts fall short of God's glory. It is only by the grace of God and the blood of Jesus Christ that we are saved and made righteous and considered good. We are saved not by our own works, but by the work of Jesus Christ who out of love took our punishment when he was crucified and died. He was raised from the dead three days later as prophecy to provide a way to enter into God's presence and glory.
Romans 3:23 WEB for all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God. Trust only in Jesus and believe and confess in Jesus upon salvation.
Romans 6:23 WEB "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Do not try to rely upon your own goodness, but trust and pray to Jesus Christ.
Romans 10:9 WEB because, if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
In the news you reported they are coming out with vessels to travel faster than the speed of light. This is very interesting and we pray for the safety and prosperity of these endeavors. However, this will not change the past nor change everything for you. We do encourage you to work on the task you have been given, but do not put your life on hold or hold your breath.
You mentioned that you want to be with your family and make them happy, and consider yourself ill. Many people make their families most happy by prioritizing their aspect of their life and just being present, even if they consider themselves ill. If you report you are ill, have you revealed and confessed this to your family? You may also need to be rebuked that you are being advised to seek another Doctor, because your relationship with your previous Doctor sounds unhealthy, and possibly has been in the past. We wonder about your trust and feelings of paranoia, however mistaken, about your Doctor. This relationship must be addressed to heal and move on. If appropriate consider reporting your Doctor to the board, if this is not an attention getter.
1 Peter 5:7 WEB casting all your worries on him, because he cares for you.
It is commendable that your husband is praying for you, and we join him in praying for your healing. Remember that God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.
Ephesians 3:20 WEB "God can do more than we ask or think, according to the power that works in us."
Let us pray for you. We pray this keeping in mind Jesus will see that you have not asked for forgiveness through him in this request. Which ultimately means that you do not know Jesus and have not been chosen to be called by him. But, if you have been called the Lord Jesus will reveal it.
Dear Heavenly Father,
It is only by the name of Jesus that we have access to you God. We come before you, we pray that you would draw Anonymous to yourself and reveal who you are as the Lord God. Father we pray to trust yourself. We ask for the health to be restored and for you to be given time to restore and renew your relationship with your family. Apply your supernatural healing. Your word does say that Jesus took our infirmities and bore our sicknesses. We pray in Jesus' name.
Psalm 41:1 Blessed is he who considers the poor and needy. The LORD will deliver him in the day of trouble. James 5:15 The prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven to him. Isaiah 53:4 Surely He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten by God, and afflicted.