Rhapooth
Disciple of Prayer
I have suffered many betrayals the last 2 years and have come along way due to the grace and love from God. I was baptized this year and focused on my faith and built beautiful community and strength. I become upset when it feels like I have intrusive thoughts or can’t control the random creeping thoughts about my ex fiancé, father of my children and his affair partner who was my friend and business partner. They lied to me for over a year during my pregnancy and tried to convince me I was dramatic and crazy when I then found that I was right about their affair and I ended up leaving him and leaving the company we work for and now they just act as if the live a perfect life and play house with my children. I am handling the situation and have faith in the lord and have not sought revenge but I am dealing with legal processes for child support and in exiting the company but last night I had a random dream about them like I would when I was pregnant I dreamt my baby was born still born and they were laughing at me. I dreamt someone tried to kill him and she let him bleed out. I dreamt last night that I dropped off my kids at their house and they were having a huge party celebrating with everyone who I used to call friends and family and my kids were over there and he’s treating her son like his own and they were just mocking me. In the dream I accidentally left with his phone and as I was turning back to give it to him I saw all their messages and just life seeming perfect for them and miserable for me and I was overcome with anger and it seemed like I was about to go crazy and then I work up. I immediately dropped in prayer and now I’m here because I don’t want to think like this and I typically don’t but I need more help. I quit smoking weed and seriously dedicate myself to serving and honoring God and feel the comfort as this doesn’t happen often and I have focused on growth but this is hard and sad and I don’t want these intrusive thoughts and pain. I feel this is a strong spiritual warfare and demonic narcissistic energy because they have been so callus. I have been praying to rebuke jezebel spirits and deeper prayers like that and know the enemy attacks as we pray more so I won’t give in but please keep me in your prayers as I work on forgiveness and letting go please.