Moryner
Disciple of Prayer
Dear God, when I moved out of Italy where I had everything I ever needed and wanted and was such a happy girl with great memories that I will always keep , a church I can literally trust, beautiful Christian friendship, a Christian life and perfect Christian best friends group and had so many Christian friends, families who would teach me about God and getting invited to special Christian events, No. that was all taken away from me. when I moved God i suffered so much and I was only 9. I remember crying in tears begging my mom that we could stay, but no it had to go this way. I remember days that I couldn’t find comfort, wondering why God took that joy away from me, I remember crying in bed not being able to move on and forget those precious memories. I remember smiling at those memories and always thinking about them to a point that my heart hardened from all that had happened and I left Christianity, I was broken, I was sad and nobody cared about me. when I moved to my new school I thought I would make friends quick but people turned on my back, I got constantly left out and people would just make horrible rumours. I wanted to die because I thought i didn’t deserve happiness . I had to survive an abusive partner of my mom, begging God every day to take him away from us and eventually he did, I still couldn’t move on because I hated where I live and I had thoughts of ending my life just as a young girl, I had no motivation, no more Christian friends, no one to guide me and that’s where things got worse, I started getting meaner in school, I cursed I had problems with my friends and there were days where I literally had depression. Seeing my friends with their best friend broke my heart because I had not a single person for me. I sometimes look at my old Christian friends stories online, how they are there having a great Christian life, having a beautiful friendship but me? God am I just forgotten? I smile at their laugh in their stories, I am so happy that they are growing closer to God. When they come visit me and when they leave, I’m not able to have that special friendship I grew up in, watching them leave in tears made my heart even broken. I try every time to get back up and start growing closer to you, I just keep failing and maybe my fate was to suffer. Seeing other people with close friends makes me jealous and makes me have a hardened heart from what I suffered. I feel broken, I feel sad, even tho I have friends I feel lonely…God don’t you see my pain? I can’t do this anymore I literally cried while typing this. I am trying, I really am. Nobody knows how much I suffered or my story, I am trying to move on but seeing my friends happy with their Christian life makes my life harder because I don’t have that. I wanted to move to America one day, see my friends and just make most of life and try living a Christian life, but how will I ever reach that? I don’t think I can keep going…everything just seems pointless in my life