Please Pray For Me If I Should Marry My Christian Fiancé Who is Putting His ### and ### Year Old Children Before Me and Not Getting Them Independent

[Anonymous]

My fiance will be 65 this year and I will be 64. We both have been retired since 2016. We each live in our own homes. We both lost our previous spouses. I have no children and he has 5 adult children; 4 of which were foster care children that were adopted as babies or toddlers. The 2 adult children that have never moved out were adopted and coddled and the only 2 that were homeschooled part of their lives. The adult children that live at home are 28 and 22 years old and both can live on their own but my fiance enables them. Neither one drives. The 28 year old has worked a full time job that pays well for the past 5 years. Why he's not on his own I don't understand. The 22 year graduated from technical college with an Associate Degree in Culinary Arts. Her last day of school was 12-18-2024. She supposedly has applied for jobs but hasn't gotten one in the past 3 months. She has never worked a day in her life and my fiance pays for everything for her. Neither one pays rent and they both are slobs and my fiance allows all of this. They are using my fiance to the max, and I wouldn't put up with any of this nor do I know of any woman that would. He assumed his now 22 year old daughter was going to live with us after we were going to get married over 3 years ago but I cancelled our wedding and said I would marry him when these adult kids move out. We have been engaged 5 years and 3 months, and he doesn't see that he puts these kids first over me. I'm on Social Security and not financially supporting any adult child. That's their responsibility. We were engaged 3 years when his daughter decided to go to technical college, and he allowed her to do this and paid for her schooling and took her back and forth to school. These kids know they are holding up our marriage and demonstrate that they could care less. My fiance sets no boundaries with them and buys all 3 of them carry out meals twice a day, 7 days a week. My fiance and I go to a Baptist church every week, we also go to a senior Bible study twice a month, and we are involved in a Life Group with other believers who are retired and traveling and enjoying their retirement. These kids that live in this Christian home don't go to church. He won't go for counseling. We both told these kids we want to get married this year, and they have to move out but my fiance isn't doing anything to get them on their own. I think this is very disrespectful to me and dishonoring to God especially when it comes to training up his children in the way of the Lord. The 22 year old seems to have autistic tendencies but he and his wife enabled her and never disciplined her and never got her formally diagnosed so she could have gotten the help she was entitled to. I think she is a high functioning autistic but because my fiance has enabled her, I don't know if she'll ever be independent and that is a parents' responsibility to prepare them to be on their own because one day their dad will die and they will have to learn how to be independent. I have told my fiance how wrong all of this was and such a disservice to his kids as well as to us. My love for him is much more than what he has for me but I feel I can't live without him and always trusted him when he told me his kids are normal and can live on their own. He tells me he loves me and talks about selling his home and moving into mine. It seems like it is all talk and no action.

 

[Articles]

Let us begin by bringing this situation to the Lord in prayer.

Dear Heavenly Father, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, lifting up this sister in Christ who finds herself in a difficult situation regarding her upcoming marriage. We pray for wisdom, discernment, and a clear understanding of Your will for her life. We ask that You guide her fiancé, opening his eyes to the importance of setting boundaries and preparing his children for independence. Lord, we pray for a miracle in this situation, that these adult children will seek employment, independence, and a personal relationship with You. We pray for their salvation and a desire to live godly lives. We ask that You bless this sister and her fiancé, drawing them closer to You and to each other in a manner that honors Your holy name. In Jesus Christ's name, we pray. Amen.

This sister is facing a challenging situation and we commend her for acknowledging that God has a righteous purpose for every situation. It is evident that the fiancé is not acting in accordance with biblical principles by enabling his adult children and placing their needs above those of the future marriage which is a picture of Christ and the church. The only relationship that a man and woman enter into in God's will is marriage, with the goal to glorify God. Hebrew 13:4 Ewean says Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

It is commendable that this sister has been patient and understanding, but it is crucial to address the underlying issues biblically. In Colossians 3:21 WEB it says Fathers, don't provoke your children, so they won't be discouraged. However, this does not mean that parents should enable their children by allowing them to avoid responsibility and depend on them indefinitely. The oldest child has been working full time for years and should be encouraged to live independently. The younger daughter has never worked and has been further enabled by the father paying for everything. This is not holistically preparing them for the future.

In 2 Thessalonians 3:10 WEB, the Scripture states: For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone is not willing to work, neither let him eat. While this verse may seem harsh, it underscores the importance of personal responsibility and work ethic. By not setting boundaries and encouraging independence, the fiancé is not only hindering his children's growth but also disrespecting his future wife and dishonoring God.

As the fiancé and this sister are both believers in Christ who attend church, study the Bible, and are involved in a Life Group, it is essential to address this issue with biblical counsel and prayer. It is encouraging that they have communicated their desire to marry to the children, but actions must follow words. Ephesians 4:1-3 says I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to walk worthily of the calling with which you were called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, being eager to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Regarding the 22-year-old daughter who seems to have autistic tendencies, it is vital to approach this situation with love, understanding, and wisdom. The fiancé should seek professional help to ensure that she receives the appropriate diagnosis and support. Proverbs 22:6 WEB tells us Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he won't depart from it. By not addressing her needs properly, the fiancé is failing to prepare her for the future and ultimately doing her a disservice.

The fiancé has been blessed with five children who need to be raised to know, love, follow, and serve the Lord. This is an opportunity for him to demonstrate his love for God and his future wife by taking the necessary steps to set boundaries, encourage independence, and foster a God-honoring environment in his home.

We encourage this sister to continue praying for her fiancé and his children, seeking God's will for their lives. We also encourage her to have open and honest conversations with her fiancé, expressing her concerns and the need for him to take action. Galatians 6:9 WEB tells us And let us not be weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we don't give up.

May the Lord God Almighty bless this sister and her fiancé, guiding them in His truth and wisdom, and granting them a God-honoring marriage that reflects the love of Christ and His church. We pray that the adult children will come to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior, and that they will grow in faith, wisdom, and independence. May God be glorified in all they do. Amen.

 

[hostadmin]

Dear sister, we're here with you, praying alongside you as you navigate this complex situation. We understand the love you have for your fiancé and the desire to build a life together, but we also see the importance of addressing the current dynamics with his adult children.

Firstly, we want to remind you of God's love for you and His care over your life. In Psalm 147:3, it says, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Trust that He is with you, guiding you, and giving you the strength to face this challenge.

We encourage you to continue communicating openly with your fiancé, expressing your concerns, and the need for him to set boundaries and encourage independence in his children. As it says in Ephesians 4:15, "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ." It's crucial to approach this conversation with love and understanding, but also firmness.

Remember, it's not about being selfish or unloving, but about setting a healthy foundation for your marriage and future life together. As it says in 1 Corinthians 7:35, "I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."

We also want to assure you that God can work miracles. He can soften hearts, open minds, and bring about change. Let's pray for a miracle in this situation, that your fiancé's children will seek employment, independence, and a personal relationship with Jesus. Let's also pray for their salvation and a desire to live godly lives.

Lastly, we want to remind you that God has a purpose and a plan for your life. As Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Trust that He is working all things together for your good and His glory.

Let's keep praying, seeking God's will, and trusting in His unfailing love.

 

[Hiadararn]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. Thank You Jesus!!!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You. Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. Bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, and Your righteousness. Help and strengthen me God to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the grace and knowledge of Christ Jesus. Transform and renew my mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God solution focused heart, mind, spirit, and attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager, Woman of God, Prayer Warrior, Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach.

God Is In Control

be-an-encourager.blogspot.com

 

[Cinu]

Lord, we pray for this prayer and family for blessings healing and salvation. Heal and bless. May their lives be a praise and glory unto thee.
Come to the Lord's holy presence. Seek him with all your heart. Cling to his Word and meditate on it moment by moment by positive thoughts and joy in the heart (James 1:2-4), knowing that the Lord is good and to him be all the praise. Seek first God's kingdom and his righteousness (Matthew 6:33). Even though life may feel hard, the Lord's hand will be on you, and he will answer in his time. I am praying for you. Amen.

Some resources that might help.

Needs: - But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19(KJV)

Salvation: - So they said "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved you and your household." Acts 16:31(NKJV)

Healing: - But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5(NKJV)

Fulfillment by the Holy Spirit: - Then he answered and spake unto me, saying, This is the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts. Zechariah 4:6(KJV)

Persecutions: - But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you. Luke 6:27-28(KJV)

Help in Prayer

Dwelling and Thriving in God’s grace where everything happens for good (Romans 8:28)

Pray that the Lord may open the eyes of the nations affected by coronavirus (Specifically forces against God’s people)

sermons

Be a Prayer Warrior: “Praying for others”

 

[hostadmin]

We continue to lift you both up in prayer, trusting that God is working in your situation. We are grateful that you have allowed us to stand in agreement with you in this. If God has given you clarity or resolution regarding marrying your fiancé and the independence of his adult children, we would love for you to share a praise report. If you are still seeking God's will and wisdom, please share your request again so we can persist in prayer with you.

We pray that God grants you both discernment and unity. We ask that He helps your fiancé see the importance of setting boundaries and promoting independence for his children, and that He guides you both in planning your future together. We pray for wisdom in handling the complexities of your blended family and for God's will to be done in your lives.

May God bless you both as you continue to seek Him and trust in His plan. We are here to support you in prayer, believing that God is faithful to hear and answer according to His will. In Jesus Name.