Anonymous
Beloved of All
God, if I will never succeed this way kill me now. Kill me painlessly. Take me from life while I'm willing to go to You directly. I know that seems like a selfish request - but Lord: I only want a very particular kind of life. I've asked. I've practiced. Many have prayed. If I can't have it: kill me then, Lord Jesus - because I don't want to be here living. This place is hell if I am doomed already.
You know that, I know that - so preserve me from pain, Lord. Isn't that Your job? I forget sometimes how I'm supposed to see You hearing my prayers every day. It's hard.
Sometimes I think: You're not listening.
Makes me want to never speak again. Isn't that horrible?
I'm supposed to be happy - but my soul is bones. If righteous people pray, and God doesn't change the man - what does that say about the man? If righteous people pray, and God doesn't have mercy - what does that say about me?
I am glad my biological family are far out of my life, and I pray they stay as far away as can be.
I pray somehow You give me success, Lord. I am running out of steam, Jesus Christ. I pray to You. Nothing happens. I pray more. Nothing happens. I continue to pray more: NOTHING HAPPENS. I continue to pray more. Nothing happens.
This cycle - thousands of times.
You promised it would is the thing. So I am upset. Maybe I'm not a man who deserves a strong relationship with You, Jesus Christ - is that the message? Or if I am: how on earth am I supposed to succeed at my endeavors without... anyone to hear me? How do I gain that?
How do I find prosperity? You have not answered that question. I search for it in You. You said: just improve Your ways. So I have tried hard. I give to the last measure. I have so little: it does not matter what I give - rationally speaking, it's practically nothing.
Like a handful of people on earth know anything about what I do - though I've done it for years - and now - after years and years and years of praying to You about it - I feel really put on the line regarding it. I have a marriage: I need money for that, God - where is it? I have a future: I need money for that, God, where is it? I have music: I need fans who MAKE money for my future and marriage: who are they, - what do I do to make them other than just put myself out there?
Be with me, Jesus - I need to succeed - or I need to say goodbye to that musical beautiful part of myself forever. Because if it can't succeed - my heart can't either - and I myself will not want to at all. I said I would pray to God first.
Clearly Your response is still on hold - and I know I have to keep praying on the line - but Jesus 4000+ people have 'prayed on the line'. WHERE ARE YOU?!
HELLO? I am asking for help.
If I ask for help, and Your promise is: 'I'll help' - if I ask for this or that - and Your promise is: 'I will do it for You' - and righteous people have agreed - and You do not do it: what is the interpretation, God?
Am I not supposed to as a sinner believe in Your power to uplift people through the miraculous power of prayer?
I have asked clearly. Repeatedly. Faithfully. I see happiness in one thing only really.
If You've got another plan: I have also told You - Lord, I am open.
But - even there, I am puzzled. I don't feel like that answer has come through either, Jesus.
God, You know I believe in You. Always have. You have astounded me in some way. Somehow I think in many ways: perhaps I was also misled. You've taught me more through the years. Right now though: I need help.
Those things I have: I need the power to sustain them. Those gifts You gave: is there a purpose for them? Or hey: should I just say - better off selling pottery?
Better off growing tomatoes?
I've cried.
It doesn't mean anything. Lately - without answers: the meaning is drained right out of my life.
It's very hard.
In Jesus Christ's name I pray, amen.
You know that, I know that - so preserve me from pain, Lord. Isn't that Your job? I forget sometimes how I'm supposed to see You hearing my prayers every day. It's hard.
Sometimes I think: You're not listening.
Makes me want to never speak again. Isn't that horrible?
I'm supposed to be happy - but my soul is bones. If righteous people pray, and God doesn't change the man - what does that say about the man? If righteous people pray, and God doesn't have mercy - what does that say about me?
I am glad my biological family are far out of my life, and I pray they stay as far away as can be.
I pray somehow You give me success, Lord. I am running out of steam, Jesus Christ. I pray to You. Nothing happens. I pray more. Nothing happens. I continue to pray more: NOTHING HAPPENS. I continue to pray more. Nothing happens.
This cycle - thousands of times.
You promised it would is the thing. So I am upset. Maybe I'm not a man who deserves a strong relationship with You, Jesus Christ - is that the message? Or if I am: how on earth am I supposed to succeed at my endeavors without... anyone to hear me? How do I gain that?
How do I find prosperity? You have not answered that question. I search for it in You. You said: just improve Your ways. So I have tried hard. I give to the last measure. I have so little: it does not matter what I give - rationally speaking, it's practically nothing.
Like a handful of people on earth know anything about what I do - though I've done it for years - and now - after years and years and years of praying to You about it - I feel really put on the line regarding it. I have a marriage: I need money for that, God - where is it? I have a future: I need money for that, God, where is it? I have music: I need fans who MAKE money for my future and marriage: who are they, - what do I do to make them other than just put myself out there?
Be with me, Jesus - I need to succeed - or I need to say goodbye to that musical beautiful part of myself forever. Because if it can't succeed - my heart can't either - and I myself will not want to at all. I said I would pray to God first.
Clearly Your response is still on hold - and I know I have to keep praying on the line - but Jesus 4000+ people have 'prayed on the line'. WHERE ARE YOU?!
HELLO? I am asking for help.
If I ask for help, and Your promise is: 'I'll help' - if I ask for this or that - and Your promise is: 'I will do it for You' - and righteous people have agreed - and You do not do it: what is the interpretation, God?
Am I not supposed to as a sinner believe in Your power to uplift people through the miraculous power of prayer?
I have asked clearly. Repeatedly. Faithfully. I see happiness in one thing only really.
If You've got another plan: I have also told You - Lord, I am open.
But - even there, I am puzzled. I don't feel like that answer has come through either, Jesus.
God, You know I believe in You. Always have. You have astounded me in some way. Somehow I think in many ways: perhaps I was also misled. You've taught me more through the years. Right now though: I need help.
Those things I have: I need the power to sustain them. Those gifts You gave: is there a purpose for them? Or hey: should I just say - better off selling pottery?
Better off growing tomatoes?
I've cried.
It doesn't mean anything. Lately - without answers: the meaning is drained right out of my life.It's very hard.
In Jesus Christ's name I pray, amen.
