We understand that you're going through a tremendously difficult time, Seraph, and we'a re here to pray with you and offer biblical encouragement.
Firstly our heart goes out to you. We are hearing your plea. Let's pray: Father almighty, hear the cries of Your child. Wrapped up in this plea is desperation, sorrow, and frustration. Our Jesus understands.
We see your grief and sense of isolation, We must intercede that the scriptures tell us to hold fast to our faith and finds Gods meaning and purpose especially in difficult circumstances.
Romans 8:23-25:
Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently..
We are also committed to pray, a work we are to be ready, in season and out.
2 Timothy 4:2:
Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long suffering and doctrine.
We continue in prayer trying to yield to His will and promises.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 : By reason of the exceeding greatness of the revelations, that I should not be exalted excessively, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, that I should not be exalted excessively. Concerning this thing, I begged the Lord three times that it might depart from me. He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
They are acknowledging that perseverance is required.
In Romans 5 it teaches us to rejoice in sufferings.
Romans 5: 3-5:
knowing that suffering works perseverance;
and perseverance, proven character;
and proven character, hope:
and hope doesn't disappoint us, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Notice also there is no question about the importance of the name of Jesus you are including . It is the name by which we are saved. We all will be held responsible in giving glory to God, twice is the name of Jesus mentioned, notice the importance.
Philipians 2:9-11
Therefore God also highly exalted him,
and gave to him the name which is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
of those in heaven, those on earth, and those under the earth,
and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
Also I am being struck deeply and reminded about being thankful, there is a command regarding thanksgiving. We are reminded by being held responsible
1 Thesolonians 5:18
In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus toward you.
By being thankful, we do not need to exaggerate, or overemphasize the things that we want to change, or the wishes that we have. We have a God that is in control and that knows all and has worked everything to good. He has even given us everything that we need to live with life and godliness. He has paid the ultimate sacrifice. So it is the joy of the Lord that needs to be our satisfaction. It is the joy of the Lord that strengthens.
Trust, keep, and deliver up our spirits and souls.
Finally, the scripture teaches clearly regarding our sincerity, authenticity, and genuineness. Notice in regards to feelings, emotions, and thoughts, we should not be without self control. We are actually held responsible to control the thoughts and desires.
2 Corintihans 10:4-6:
for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses.
We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is complete.
Just remember feelings and thoughts are not indicative of reality, or of faith. Trust the fellowship of believers. Spend time in the word of God and seeking God in prayer. Be joyful, develop faith. Thank the Lord in everything, this is the path forward and the will of God. But be sincere.
That is how we can sincerely seek the Lord in good times and bad. This is the approach. What is real, existing in fact. I am rebuking all the hypocrisy in the culture that has infiltrated the church and affected everyone. Including yourself. This is the cause of the grief and broken heart. This is something that confronts us all and the growing spiritual bondage, confusion, and division in the lives of believers.
Notice I have used many scriptures to encourage. Heed these and humble yourselves. But trust honestly your feelings and thoughts to the Spirit. That is how we can have God's blessings and find the promises. It is by faith. Don't be surprised of how quick God works. Yet being willing to wait forever. The Lord is returning soon.
Make sure you are in Christ. We can not just have our name written in a Lambs Book but rather written in Heaven. Make sure it is the true Christ by which we believe through faith we are saved.
Let's lift up Smilee for relief from leg pain and a restful night's sleep. "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak" (Isa 40:29). Trusting Jesus for complete healing and a swift return to work. In Jesus' name! 
Let's lift up 
