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In lieu of New Year’s resolutions, many folks choose a single word to guide their upcoming year. I’m such a fan of this approach that I’ve not only chosen words for past years but shared my choices and tips for choosing your own ( What’s Your “One Word” for Your Marriage?, My One Word for 2022, My One Word for 2023 and 8 Quick Tips for Finding Yours).
While searching for my one life-motivating word, I wondered if a single word might guide one’s sexuality. If you could choose one word for your sex life in 2025, what would it be?
Some of you immediately thought of the word more . While others thought of such words as: intimacy, foreplay, orgasm, healing, focus , etc. I suggest that we can ALL choose the same word for this year, and future years. What is that magic word? Wholeness.
What Is Wholeness?
Christian resources have talked about godly aspects of sexuality we should pursue, like sexual purity, sexual integrity, sexual intimacy, and so on. And these are absolutely worthwhile goals. But more and more, I’m hearing the term sexual wholeness, because it encompasses not only those aspects but higher aims and applies to every Christian, no matter one’s circumstance.
Are you a single person? You’re not simply called to refrain from having sex, but rather to pursue the real purity of leaning on Christ and letting Him rule your sexual desire.
Have you struggled with sexual sin? Yes, you want to be a person of integrity, but that can only be sustained when your broken places truly heal.
Are you wanting to get closer to your spouse? Of course you want sexual intimacy, but the deepest connection comes when two whole people join together.
Sexual wholeness isn’t about personal perfection, avoiding sin, or pursuing sex with your spouse. Dr. Juli Slattery puts it this way: “God not only calls you to sexual morality, but sexual maturity” (God, Sex, and Your Marriage, 54). Wholeness is an integration of all our parts, washed and sanctified by Christ (see 1 Corinthians 6:9–11), and honoring God and one another in our thoughts, feelings, and actions.
The purpose of our sexuality is to reflect God’s desire for intimacy with His people. Dr. Slattery again: “God calls you to steward sex in a manner that represents His divine story” (GSM, 56).
Recognizing Our Brokenness
To pursue sexual wholeness, you must start with the recognition that we’re all broken. And by all, I mean all y’all, the American-Southern way to refer to an entire crowd. Of course some of us have experienced more pain than others in this area—especially those with sexual trauma—but not a one of us got into adulthood without sexual brokenness.
It starts with what we think about sex. Our families, our churches, and our world failed to share the full truth of God’s gift of sex.
And then there’s what happened to us. We were mistreated in relationships, sexually used by others, or abused in our most sensitive places.
Or perhaps we ourselves messed up: We used others, we betrayed loved ones, we pursued selfish sexual pleasure. As a former preacher of mine used to say, self-inflicted wounds still hurt.
Whatever the reason—or more likely, reasons—we are not sexually whole. Not until we pursue God’s higher purposes and healing.
Our One (Sex) Word for 2025: "Whatever the reason—or more likely, reasons—we are not sexually whole. Not until we pursue God's higher purposes and healing."
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Recognizing our own brokenness is a crucial first step in shifting our vision, acting with greater sexual integrity, seeking the outside help we need to deal with trauma and sexual sin, and replacing our self focus with mutual intimacy. But it’s also important to recognize your spouse’s brokenness.
I can’t tell you the number of times a spouse has complained to me their mate is withholding sex with an attitude that demonstrates no understanding that there might be a good reason. Even if you think it’s a bad reason, it likely makes sense to them. I’m not saying they’re right in withholding, but I am saying that they’re very likely broken and dealing with that brokenness is the best way to get to the sexual intimacy you want. Plus, it just happens to be the Christ-like way of approaching people!
I’m reminded of yoga. I’ve been attending classes recently, and they always end with “namaste.” What does that Sanskrit word mean? A common translation is: “The light in me honors the light in you.” I don’t embrace the Eastern religion part of yoga practice, so to my mind, that’s more like the Christian view that “the imago dei in me honors the imago dei in you.” That is, we’re all made in the image of God. We all have a divine spark.
But we also live in a broken world that has been marred by sin, turmoil, and chaos. God is working in this world, but we are not perfected yet. So I need to recognize the universality of brokenness. Or “the brokenness in me acknowledges the brokenness in you.” When I recognize that brokenness, I not only have greater compassion for my spouse, but I’m also more willing to set boundaries to keep that brokenness from wounding others, including myself.
Wholeness Before Oneness
Speaking of phrases, I never liked the Jerry Maguire movie quote: “You complete me.” If you don’t recall it, here’s a clip:
There’s more to the scene, and it’s compelling. But I still recall that moment when Tom Cruise’s character said those words and I thought, “What? No!!!!” Why did I have such a visceral reaction? Perhaps because I’d known codependent people, and their relationships were not healthy. No other human can fill your gaps. That role belongs to God and God alone.
That’s not to say that we are not enhanced by our relationships to others. Marriage has made me a better person. But it has never made me a whole person. Jesus, not my husband, is my savior.
The marriage equation is not 1/2 + 1/2 = 1, but rather 1 + 1 = 1. It’s when we bring our whole self into union with another whole self that we experience both marital wholeness and oneness.
Our One (Sex) Word for 2025: "It's when we bring our whole self into union with another whole self that we experience both marital wholeness and oneness."
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If we want deeply pleasurable and intimate sex in our marriage, we must first pursue individual wholeness. From there, we can live out Jesus’s confirmation of God’s original plan:
How Can “Wholeness” Guide Us?
I consider myself a sexually whole person, redeemed by Christ, matured in the faith, and honoring God and others in my sexuality. That said, I’m also still broken. How can both be true? Well, Heaven’s not here yet.
From time to time, I still slip into selfishness, get triggered by my painful past, or lose the plot of God’s design for sex. All y’all do too.
So we’re being transformed, not already there. The full transformation comes later:
By pursuing wholeness here on earth, we move closer to what God intends our sex lives to be. We can also discover the confidence to speak up for the sexual intimacy our marriages deserve, the courage to pursue sexual healing and holiness, and/or the intimacy with our spouse that demonstrates sex to be a true gift from our Creator.
In 2025, let’s bring our brokenness to Christ, allow Him put us back together, and then seek sexual wholeness and oneness in our marriage.
The post Our One (Sex) Word for 2025 appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.
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