ONE STEP, ONE DAY AT A TIME
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9
Years ago, at about the hour this is being written, I was southbound on the Florida Turnpike, taking an unexpected trip from my "far country" apartment, 100 miles away, to the community where I had lived most of my life, and where my standing wife and our three children lived.
I wish I could share some profound thoughts that I had on the trip that ended up with a license, lunch, and then getting remarried that very afternoon. I cannot recall a single thought from that morning.
Have you ever seen someone hit their thumb with a hammer? They will often grab the injured thumb and walk in small circles until the severe pain stops. What were they thinking? They were thinking about the pain and nothing else. That was me on the morning of July 7, 1987. I started my car and headed south, unsure of where I was going. I only knew the pain had to stop! (If you think prodigals do not experience pain, you need to go back a few steps in your stand!)
I was not so far from God that I could not realize my pain was conviction, as the Holy Spirit moved on my sinful life. I was attempting to make deals with God, but He is a God of truth and promise. There are no deals. The day before, I had called the county courthouse to see what was required for a marriage license. That should have made God pleased with me, but I awoke on that Wednesday morning hurting more than ever.
Charlyne quickly accepted my lunch offer when I knocked on her office window. Had she refused me, or handed me a list of things I had to do before coming home, I would have gone elsewhere in my attempt to alleviate my pain. It is frightening to think that I could have ended that day married to someone else, based on my wife's response to my one question, "If we get a marriage license, will you stop praying for me?"
Only in the confused thinking of a prodigal could anyone reason that a stander with a marriage license would stop praying for their absent spouse. I can barely recall getting the license, but I can recall, as if it were yesterday, the lunch that followed, with our mighty God speaking to me, "You've made the worst mistake of your life. Make it right today by marrying her."
Why did I remarry Charlyne? It is what God told me to do. It was not out of love, nor out of need, but it was because God told me to, in order to stop the pain that was overwhelming my spirit. The Lord was right. That night, sleeping in my own bed, with my wife at my side, I enjoyed the best night's sleep in years, praise be to God.
What had changed about my wife? Well, nothing, but everything, all at the same time. If you had asked me at lunch on the life-changing day for our entire family, I might have mumbled something about not being able to push her buttons any longer. That one thing was only a trait of the total work that God had done in the wife of my youth.
Above all else, Charlyne did not have to tell me that she had changed. She allowed the Lord to bring about circumstances and events that demonstrated these changes, without her doing a thing. Her changes took place over two years, and they continue to this day. Neither she nor I are the same two people who remarried that July afternoon.
You might recall seeing young people on television who are preparing for the Olympics, and hearing how they have practiced every day since childhood. Great musicians practice year after year to reach their master level. Consider the older saints in our churches. They have been walking with Christ for year upon year, to get to the spiritual plateau where they are today.
Charlyne and I know people who have been standing for marriage restoration for more than 10 years. God continues to refine, to reveal, and to reshape that precious group even now. They are taking one step, one day at a time toward a restored marriage. Standing with God for marriage restoration is a process and it takes varying degrees of time.
Please allow me to share a composite of email messages that distresses my wife and I the most: "I am giving up. I have been standing for a few months and nothing has happened. I told my (husband/wife) how much I had changed, but…" There usually follows a list of circumstances and then questions, the answers to which are not learned in a few months.
Charlyne and I want you to be following Jesus and not us. We will always do our best to be an example for you and to encourage you, but it is Jesus who needs to do His work: first in you, and then in your spouse, regardless of the time involved. Finally, your beloved will be in the position I was in, with so much spiritual pain that the only option is to go home to God and a praying spouse.
Each time we hear of a stander being reminded by some well-intended person of the prodigal's free will, I have to chuckle. The carpenter, who is holding his thumb and walking in circles, has the free will to keep right on working, but he doesn't. God has a thousand ways to bring each of us into alignment with His way, regardless of our free will. In my life, spiritual pain overrode my free will.
Granted, a few month’s stander may manipulate their spouse home, but that is not God working. We want the restoration for you that sticks and that will only work one step, one day at a time. The steps may be small, and the days long, but God alone brings prodigals home.
GOD HEALS HURTING MARRIAGES
I foretold the former things long ago, my mouth announced them and I made them known; then suddenly I acted, and they came to pass. Isaiah 48:3
Because He lives,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9
Years ago, at about the hour this is being written, I was southbound on the Florida Turnpike, taking an unexpected trip from my "far country" apartment, 100 miles away, to the community where I had lived most of my life, and where my standing wife and our three children lived.
I wish I could share some profound thoughts that I had on the trip that ended up with a license, lunch, and then getting remarried that very afternoon. I cannot recall a single thought from that morning.
Have you ever seen someone hit their thumb with a hammer? They will often grab the injured thumb and walk in small circles until the severe pain stops. What were they thinking? They were thinking about the pain and nothing else. That was me on the morning of July 7, 1987. I started my car and headed south, unsure of where I was going. I only knew the pain had to stop! (If you think prodigals do not experience pain, you need to go back a few steps in your stand!)
I was not so far from God that I could not realize my pain was conviction, as the Holy Spirit moved on my sinful life. I was attempting to make deals with God, but He is a God of truth and promise. There are no deals. The day before, I had called the county courthouse to see what was required for a marriage license. That should have made God pleased with me, but I awoke on that Wednesday morning hurting more than ever.
Charlyne quickly accepted my lunch offer when I knocked on her office window. Had she refused me, or handed me a list of things I had to do before coming home, I would have gone elsewhere in my attempt to alleviate my pain. It is frightening to think that I could have ended that day married to someone else, based on my wife's response to my one question, "If we get a marriage license, will you stop praying for me?"
Only in the confused thinking of a prodigal could anyone reason that a stander with a marriage license would stop praying for their absent spouse. I can barely recall getting the license, but I can recall, as if it were yesterday, the lunch that followed, with our mighty God speaking to me, "You've made the worst mistake of your life. Make it right today by marrying her."
Why did I remarry Charlyne? It is what God told me to do. It was not out of love, nor out of need, but it was because God told me to, in order to stop the pain that was overwhelming my spirit. The Lord was right. That night, sleeping in my own bed, with my wife at my side, I enjoyed the best night's sleep in years, praise be to God.
What had changed about my wife? Well, nothing, but everything, all at the same time. If you had asked me at lunch on the life-changing day for our entire family, I might have mumbled something about not being able to push her buttons any longer. That one thing was only a trait of the total work that God had done in the wife of my youth.
Above all else, Charlyne did not have to tell me that she had changed. She allowed the Lord to bring about circumstances and events that demonstrated these changes, without her doing a thing. Her changes took place over two years, and they continue to this day. Neither she nor I are the same two people who remarried that July afternoon.
You might recall seeing young people on television who are preparing for the Olympics, and hearing how they have practiced every day since childhood. Great musicians practice year after year to reach their master level. Consider the older saints in our churches. They have been walking with Christ for year upon year, to get to the spiritual plateau where they are today.
Charlyne and I know people who have been standing for marriage restoration for more than 10 years. God continues to refine, to reveal, and to reshape that precious group even now. They are taking one step, one day at a time toward a restored marriage. Standing with God for marriage restoration is a process and it takes varying degrees of time.
Please allow me to share a composite of email messages that distresses my wife and I the most: "I am giving up. I have been standing for a few months and nothing has happened. I told my (husband/wife) how much I had changed, but…" There usually follows a list of circumstances and then questions, the answers to which are not learned in a few months.
Charlyne and I want you to be following Jesus and not us. We will always do our best to be an example for you and to encourage you, but it is Jesus who needs to do His work: first in you, and then in your spouse, regardless of the time involved. Finally, your beloved will be in the position I was in, with so much spiritual pain that the only option is to go home to God and a praying spouse.
Each time we hear of a stander being reminded by some well-intended person of the prodigal's free will, I have to chuckle. The carpenter, who is holding his thumb and walking in circles, has the free will to keep right on working, but he doesn't. God has a thousand ways to bring each of us into alignment with His way, regardless of our free will. In my life, spiritual pain overrode my free will.
Granted, a few month’s stander may manipulate their spouse home, but that is not God working. We want the restoration for you that sticks and that will only work one step, one day at a time. The steps may be small, and the days long, but God alone brings prodigals home.
GOD HEALS HURTING MARRIAGES
I foretold the former things long ago, my mouth announced them and I made them known; then suddenly I acted, and they came to pass. Isaiah 48:3
Because He lives,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.
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