Bitbon
Disciple of Prayer
i do believe that God placed us here for a purpose we each do believe that we weren't a mistake and for that we do have choices to make and a road already set before us that we should embark on. i have sinned and thank God that God didnt allow sin to seperate us He had to sacrifice his beloved son inorder for us to receive forgiveness. Im struggling in this life with identity and my fears get to me. i have made decisions and every time i look back i think every decision has shaped the life that am leading right now. i have seen Gods hand throughout i have and continue to see his love although i just wonder how can i be better? where does my inspiration come from? i feel like im sleep walking through my life and i feel tied and my true nature suppressed. that feeling is terrible, i lack emotions and i think that makes a huge part of what being human is? the only emotions i relte to is fer of loss, fear of rejection and i make shitty relationships just for the sake of not being alone. i feel left out nd my space isnt here . today i was angry and damn i was telling myself it reminds me am human, i was able to get alot done and am thinking does anger fuel my motivation i mean i know its the adrenaline but is that it. i dont even know how to expresss that anger when am angry i am always just emotionless until maybe i have taken alcohol. theres something totally wrong with me. i dont know how to process my emotions and i hate it when people are happy sad i donno how to do that in the moment. also my property especially electronics either theres a problem they are always stolen or just something i can say thats been the only consistent thing in my life ...i neeed help and prayers