Need help. Satan is controlling my life.

[Varlywan]

This is going to be a very long prayer request.
Read it when you have time.

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In my last post I asked for counselling. Here i will tell you why I need counselling.
Try to process what I've written, understand my mental state and try to answer each of the questions.
There is a pool of questions below.

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Praise the Lord!!!
I am grateful to God for giving me this beautiful day. I am grateful to him for saving me.

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I'm writing here because I don't know with whom to share.

I'm a 22 year old female. I'm a hindu from India who found Jesus in 2021.
There are 3 people in my family me, my mother and my brother( say D). My father died in 2015 in blood cancer.

In december 2021 my college journey started.
Many things happened before joining the college. I had my family trauma (things are good but trauma is still there) and the trauma also went to the college with me and made me do really awful things there. I just knew that Jesus is the only true God. I accepted that thing but I didn't read bible. I thought that he's a western God so he allows everything. I knew things about him. I used to watch sermon online, etc but never accepted his words in my heart.

I went to college and the very first boy I met there became my boyfriend (say S)[1]. Now S and I were physically involved in our relationship. after 6 or 7 months I found out that he was cheating on me with other girl. Things went really bad for me. I was depressed. I was already depressed because of my family trauma but that cheating thing and breakup completely broke me. I forgot to laugh, stopped eating, couldn't sleep, couldn't listen to songs, evenings started to feel really heavy(it still feels heavy).
All these things took me to the pshychiatrist and he put me on medication. His medicines helped but helped only when I ate them. So I stopped eating them saying Jesus will heal me. Medicines healed me somewhat and Jesus also healed major part of me.

Now I started to pray and read bible everyday. I do that and forget that later on and get involved in the world.
I completely moved on from S in Jan 2023.

I met a boy in Feb 2023 (A)[2]. Don't know why but I went to his home and even after controlling so much I lost and ended up sleeping with him.

In March 2023 I met another boy (say W)[3] and I was so much attracted towards him that I ended up sleeping with him (3-4 times).
Then I had to leave him because he was causing my mind to overthink. He was getting heavy on my mind.
It was very short term. I liked him vvvvvvvv vvv very much. But he was unequally yoked and was causing me stress.

Then I was somewhat drowned in prayers and Bible. I used to pray about my husband.
Don't know what happenned D stopped talking to me and my mother. ( May'23 to Nov'23 he didnt utter a single word to us).
In June 2023 I got to know about a boy (P)[4]. A girl told me about P that he loves me. He saw me in 10th class when he came to my school for some work. He fell for me and ever since he loved me. She showed me photos and said that he celebrates your bday on 1st july every year ( he feeds poor people on my bday ). I thought that my prayer has been answered. God sent me a man and the story was also very filmy. So I went to meet P and then he too went physical with me. I thought he loves me so I had no problem( dumb me). Next day I talked to him about marriage and he said he cannot marry me so I went away. Then after 1.5 months I was not getting my periods so I told him and he asked to meet for the pregnancy test. I went, did the test and then he raped me. Despite of saying no so many times he didn't listen and continued with his work. ( Test came negative).

( It was satan all the time and also my dumb choices)

From then onwards I was just not wanting to meet any man.



From the starting of college ( dec 2021) till August 2023, I only had 3 friends left with me ( 2 boys ( M and R) and one girl which was my roommate). Other used me and left me for some reasons.

Then my roommate was the closest to me among these 3 friends and she too started distancing herself from me by the end of the year. In 2024 I had to change my room because my roommate started snoring and I couldn't sleep. She didn't help me when i was shifting my stuffs. I did that all by myself and R also started keeping distance from me and M was busy in studies.

I was feeling very lonely. I installed dating app ( I was also studying side by side and prayer and Bible) cuz of loneliness. Went to dates with 6 guys and slept with one of them(AS)[5]. ( I know you hate me now but I just couldn't help myself).



Then me and my mother are connected to an online church and that church is in punjab. In may 2024 D again stopped talking so me and my mom decided to go to that church in punjab and we went and it healed my brother ( but he still believes in Krishna, idol worship). Me and my mom had baptism in that church.

From August 2024, My family was restored and we all were very happy. D was unemployed from May'21 to July'21. He got a new job in August'21. Everything was going good.
But as i said that D believes in worshipping idols so on the day of diwali mom and I seeked for forgiveness and did the pooja( idol wordhpping) and repented again.

But then satan again entered my brother's life( D's life) and ruined everything again.

I promised that I won't be indulging in sexual sins now as i'm now baptized. But I slept with one more guy(AP)[6] who is my classmate.

I ruinedddd everythinggggggggg.

My college life is wasted. All 4 years are wasted. Got no friends. No internship, No placement, No skills,no good memory, didn't even grow in God, just sins sins and sins

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I slept with 6 boys in total. I also had other boys whom I showed my personal pictures and some boys who I just kissed.
I had family trauma and it still haunts me and the satan is back in my family and is ruining us.

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Why family trauma?
It is because after my father's demise, all the evil spirits entered my brother's life and through him they were ruining D's life and my life and my mother's life.
( D has a separate long story )
D always used to say the opposite thing to me.
If i'm studying chemistry he will tell me to study maths. If maths then chemistry. If I'm studying he tells me to watch a movie. If movie then study.
There are a lot of things like this which stressed me so much and made me stressed, depressed, prone to anxiety and much more.
Also I forget to mention that I've been suffering from migraine since 2017.
And so many things that satan caused me through my brother.

I used to wake up at night and put cuts on myself with knife cause of D's behaviour towards me.
That's why I wanted to run away from home and then I got college in different city and i used to live in girls hostel.

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My conditions: Always tired, always sleepy, cant focus, cant concentrate, brain fog, loneliness, emptiness, family trauma.

Diseases I am suffering from: Migraine, depression, bipolar disorder, hairfall, hair graying, low blood pressure, neck back and waist pain, benign fasciculation, ear pain, blind spots in eyes.

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Why am i suffering from so many things????????????????????????????????????????????????
And even after knowing Jesus why do i fall in sin every damn time?????????????????????????????????????
I repent and then I fall again????????????????????????????

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The Opposites:
Opposite thing happens in my life, with me

I never wnated to go to that college where I'm in but i ended in that college.
I never wanted to take the branch that I'm studying currently.
I'm in my final year and this is a placement season/semester. I thought that I'll give a small treat when I get placed in a company, I will invite the guy in my class who helped me in studies in each semester but that guy blocked me for no reason.

When i went to that church in punjab, the lady there puts hands on people and they get healed. I thought my migraine will also be gone now. But it is still with me.

In final year project group, I just had a 1 sec thought that I dont want a girl( say MP) in my project group. Just a thought of one second. But we ended in in the same group.
I thought as D will not be there in college so I will study things that I'm interested in, but there also i couldn't complete even one of the things i wanted to study and I'm unemployed now.

Our final year project group had 5 members. Me and AP chose same open elective and he used to sit with me just because he knows me. Then i had some infection in my throat so I couldnt mark my attendance and told AP to say present when the professor takes my name. He did it once and everyone in the class was laughing when he said present. After 1 week he again said present beacause of my throat infection, and then i thought for a second - had not been people thinking wrong about us that we have something between us that's why he's marking my attendance, but hen i said to myself that AP won't be liking me in any situaton. the thought was like " Don't people think wrong about us. No way! Why would he like me". Just this amount of thought that too once. Godddddddddddddddddddd that boy ended up falling in love with me. Opposite of what i thought happened.

I thought this semester i'll get placed in a company. But see now 7th semester has also ended and there's not even one interview that I've given.

Satan is controlling everything.

It is said that you should never speak negative about yourself, you should never say anything evil about yourself.
Whenever I speak positive about myself that thing never happens.
If I speak negative about myself that thing happens.
If i speak good about someone, that good thing happens to them.
If I speak bad/negative thing about others or mock them, that bad thing happens to me and the opposite good thing happens to them.
In this way I can't speak positive about myself because if i do that is never going to happen to me, and one should never speak negative about their ownself.

Whattttttttt is thissssssssssssssssssssssssss??????????????????????
Why is satan troubling me like this?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Why the opposite thing is happening????????????????????????????

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At present I only have one friend who i can call my friend. Others are merely classmate or batchmate.

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My paternal family has 13 members. All are non believers.
My maternal family has 15 members. 3-4 are believers.
My mother and I are believers.
Nobody has the sexual history that i have. 6+ boys and other things also.
Am i the worst person in my family to exist to fall in the same sin every time even after being a believer and make JESUS fail every single time?
Did God leave me?
Am i unworthy?
Is all my life like this?
Did I take bith only to sin and suffer?

I hope you can see where my life is going. What is happening with me. What i am doing.
Please someone tell me what to do. I know I'm dumbbb. Veryyyyyy dumbbbbbbbbbbbbb.
God please talk to me through dreams, through visions. please talk to me. guide me. show me what do you want me to do.
I just can't understand what am i supposed to do at present. What am i suppossed to do with my life???
Whatever I plan to do, satan fails everything. Don't know what God wants me to do as i can't listen to God's voice as I've sinned so much. I have no idea what should I do now.

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I have alot alot and alotttttttttttt to tell and ask.

Now I hope you understand that why I need counselling. I won't be surving for long if things keep on going like this in my life.
Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee helpppppppppppppppppppp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Articles]

Let us begin by praying for you, Varlywan. We appreciate your detailed account and your earnest cry for help. We will address the issues, seek God's will, and pray together in Jesus' name.

Firstly, we acknowledge your faith in Jesus Christ, for you mentioned that you found Jesus in 2021. We are thankful that even in your struggles, you have this foundation. Yet, we want to emphasize the importance of knowing Jesus more intimately, not just as a savior, but recognizing him as the Lord, Giver of Life, and as The Word of Truth. The Bible tells us,

"And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved." (Acts 4:12 WEB)

and

"Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me.'" (John 14:6 WEB)

The power of Jesus can only be accessed if he is invited to be the lord and savior of your life. Being baptized is an important step, but our walk with Jesus must be continuous and personal, as we need his power daily to live a life aligning with his will. It seems in your walk, you may have forgotten the intimate need for Jesus to give you power to live a life that is pleasing to God. Always seek to know Jesus intimately and live according to his word.

It is clear that you are experiencing significant emotional, physical, and spiritual turmoil. The heartache, confusion, and pain from your past relationships and family trauma are very real and we want you to know that we are here to help. It is also clear that there have been sexual relationships outside of marriage, sexual relationships with Christians and non Christians, and content that implied rape. While we are here to help in the trouble you are experiencing, sexual relationships before or outside of marriage are forbidden by God, even between Christians. While you mentioned specifically you are not attracted to your own sex, no same sex physical or implied rape occurred.

The fact that sexual relationship occurred with no attraction to same sex and six times is a very important issue that needs to be addressed. You stopped speaking about Jesus or your relationship with him as the relationships unfolded with physical contact you discuss. Remembering your physical contact should be rebuked. We must confront that through your first relationship in college, your first relationship was a sin with physical activity. Tenting is a sin and should be repented of. The relationship with fornication with a person you were not married to was sin. It is also important to consider repenting of your physical activity. that was fornication. Outside of relationship, any physical act in addition to sex itself with a non Christian is a sin that should be repented of. THe rape you discuss is a tragic event that should not have happened and is a product of sinful lust and should have been prevented if the rapist had repented of the lust and not had sex with you against your will. God's will is for you to be in a loving, committed marriage with a Christian believer, and fornication is not given created by God for sex outside of marriage. We understand your need to love and acceptance and you maybe searching for this, but God's word is clear that sex belong in marriage to another Christian and nowhere else.

Your past trauma you discussed, from family and relationships, has left deep wounds. Similar to the way of repentance, forgiveness is powerful in that forgiveness is a gift to yourself and others. You must be diligent and vigilant in forgiving your brother, yourself and your father upon forgiving, your brother, yourself and your father can be free, with the acknowledgement of the sexual sin you have experienced. When forgiving, remember that God will visit justice upon your Father and Brother and your yourself. They may not know or change that their actions were messy and caused harm, but God can change your life and provide comfort to you in your pain. God sees your suffering and can provide healing with forgiveness and repentance in your Father and Brother as well as yourself.

Freeing yourself from this is key that can be done through The Word of God and prayer and support. God will go to the root of this stronghold and heal you completely. You are not defined by your past, but by the redeeming work of Jesus on the cross and his resurrection from the grave. Please pray with us:

Dear Heavenly Father,

We come before You, lifting Varlywan up to You. You know her pain, her struggles, and her heartache. We pray that You would minister to her heart, bringing healing and restoration. Help her to fully surrender her life to You, trusting in Your goodness and faithfulness. We also speak the redeeming power of Jesus Christ into her life. Help her to seek new Christian spiritual relationships with a church and mentorship with another Christian. Give her comfort, strength and wisdom. Let her be a mighty warrior for Yehsua Amen. Give Varlywan powerful support with Christians to help break this ungodly cycle in Jesus Christ's Holy Name, Amen.

Varlywan, we encourage you to continue praying and reading God's Word daily. Surround yourself with a Christian community that can support and encourage you. Seek godly counsel and mentorship from Christians within your church or Christian fellowship groups at your university. It is important that Christian mentorship occur and it is your role to find it in your church. Remember that the Word of God says:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (Philippians 4:6 WEB)

As God's word ministers to you, let the Holy Spirit guide you through your decisions. He is a promise to you as Jesus says:

"When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come." (John 16:13 WEB)

We are also warned, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” (James 4:7 WEB).

Apply these to your life and trust God.

 

[hostadmin]

I'm here for you, and I'm glad you've shared your story with us. We're here to support you and pray with you. Here's a prayer based on your situation:

Dear Heavenly Father,

We come before you today, lifting up the name of Jesus. We pray for [Your Name], who is going through a tough time. Lord, you know her pain, her struggles, and her heartache. We ask that you would comfort her, strengthen her, and guide her. Help her to trust in your goodness and faithfulness. Give her the courage to break free from the cycle of sin and to live a life pleasing to you.

Lord, we also pray for the people who have hurt [Your Name]. We ask that you would reveal your truth to them, that they may repent and turn to you. Help them to understand the consequences of their actions and to make things right.

We pray for [Your Name]'s family, that they would find healing and restoration. Help them to forgive and to find peace. Give them the strength to support [Your Name] in her time of need.

Lord, we pray for [Your Name]'s church and Christian community. Help them to be a place of support and encouragement for her. Give them wisdom to guide and counsel her, and to help her find a healthy and godly path forward.

Lord, we also pray for [Your Name], that she would find a godly marriage partner, a Christian man who would love and cherish her, and who would help her to live a life pleasing to you.

Lord, we pray for your Holy Spirit to guide [Your Name] in her decisions, and to help her to discern your will for her life. Help her to seek your face daily, and to walk in your ways.

In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. Thank You Jesus!!!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. Bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, and Your righteousness. Help and strengthen me God to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding.

God heal me. Deliver and cleansed me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the grace and knowledge of Christ Jesus. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God solution focused heart, mind, spirit, and attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by Encourager Linda Flagg, M.A., Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach.

 

[Cinu]

Lord, we pray for this prayer and family for blessings healing and salvation. Heal and bless. May their lives be a praise and glory unto thee.
Come to the Lord's holy presence. Seek him with all your heart. Cling to his Word and meditate on it moment by moment by positive thoughts and joy in the heart (James 1:2-4), knowing that the Lord is good and to him be all the praise. Seek first God's kingdom and his righteousness (Matthew 6:33). Even though life may feel hard, the Lord's hand will be on you, and he will answer in his time. I am praying for you. Amen.

Some resources that might help.

Needs: - But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19(KJV)

Salvation: - So they said "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved you and your household." Acts 16:31(NKJV)

Healing: - But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5(NKJV)

Fulfillment by the Holy Spirit: - Then he answered and spake unto me, saying, This is the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts. Zechariah 4:6(KJV)

Persecutions: - But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you. Luke 6:27-28(KJV)

Help in Prayer

Dwelling and Thriving in God’s grace where everything happens for good (Romans 8:28)

Pray that the Lord may open the eyes of the nations affected by coronavirus (Specifically forces against God’s people)


sermons

 

[hostadmin]

We continue to lift you up in prayer, dear sister, as you battle against the forces of darkness that have been causing distress and confusion in your life. We are grateful that you have shared your struggles with us, and we are committed to standing with you in prayer until the Lord brings complete breakthrough and victory.

Based on your previous post, we understand that you have been dealing with a sense of Satan controlling your life, family trauma, and a series of unfortunate events that have left you feeling lonely, depressed, and in need of deliverance. We want to remind you that our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12).

Firstly, we want to encourage you to remain steadfast in your faith and to keep praying and reading the Bible every day. God's Word is alive and active, and it is your most powerful weapon against the enemy's attacks. Remember that our God is a loving and faithful God, and He never leaves nor forsakes His children. Even when we are unfaithful, He remains faithful (2 Timothy 2:13).

We praise the Lord for the moments of victory and breakthrough that you have experienced, such as the restoration of your family and the baptism you and your mother received. Even in the midst of trials, God is working all things together for your good (Romans 8:28). We declare that the work He has started in your life will be brought to completion (Philippians 1:6).

We also want to address the ongoing struggles you are facing, such as the oppression in your family, health issues, and the feelings of loneliness and despair. We pray that God will continue to heal your body, mind, and spirit, and that He will bring you godly friends and a supportive community to help you through this season.

If you have seen any sign of improvement in these areas, we would be encouraged to hear about it. Please share a praise report with us, so we can rejoice with you and give glory to God for His goodness and faithfulness. We believe that as we continue to pray and declare God's promises over your life, you will see more and more evidence of His healing power at work.

If, however, you feel that your requests have not been answered yet, do not be discouraged. Our God is not bound by time, and He is always working behind the scenes, even when we cannot see it. We urge you to continue seeking Him, trusting that His timing is perfect and that He is always working for your good. We commit to continuing with you in prayer, until you receive the breakthroughs you need.

As you continue to seek God through His Son, Jesus Christ, we pray that you will experience a deeper revelation of His love and faithfulness. We declare that you are not alone in your struggles, and that the power of God is at work in your life, breaking every chain and bringing you into the fullness of His freedom and victory.

We pray specifically for:

* Your complete healing and deliverance from all physical, emotional, and spiritual oppression.
* The restoration and salvation of your family members, particularly your brother.
* God's protection and guidance as you navigate your college life and future career.
* Godly friends and a supportive community to encourage and uplift you.
* A deeper revelation of God's love and faithfulness, as you continue to seek Him.
One specific aspecgt of our prayers will be the sins of your kolife from which you have repented. We move on in faith that "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.(1 John 1:8-9)

Please know that you are deeply loved and cared for, and that we are committed to standing with you in prayer until you experience the fullness of God's breakthrough and victory in your life. May God bless you and keep you in His loving care. Amen.