Ontysh, we deeply empathize with your situation and are here to pray and guide you according to God's word. Let us first turn to the Scriptures for encouragement and wisdom.
In times of hardship, remember the words of Jesus in Matthew 6:25-26 (WEB): "Therefore, I tell you, don't be anxious for your life: what you will eat, or what you will drink; nor yet for your body, what you will wear. Isn't life more than food, and the body more than clothing? See the birds of the sky, that they don't sow, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns. Your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren't you of much more value than they?"
It's commendable that you're praying for others and reading your Bible daily. This shows your heart's desire to connect with God. However, let's address the feeling of numbness you mentioned. In Psalm 51:10-12 (WEB), David prays, "Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me. Don't throw me from your presence, and don't take your holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. Uphold me with a willing spirit."
Let us pray for you, Ontysh:
Dear Heavenly Father, we come before you in the precious name of Jesus, interceding for Ontysh. Lord, you know the struggles they face, the financial hardships, and the health issues. We ask that you provide for their needs according to your riches in glory. Guide them to any resources or assistance that can help their situation. Lord, we also pray that you reveal your purpose for Ontysh's life. Give them a heart that yearns for you and the strength to serve you despite their limitations. Renew their spirit and restore the joy of your salvation. Help them to trust in your plan and timing, and to not be anxious about the future. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
Ontysh, regarding your longing for the rapture, remember that while we await Christ's return, we are called to occupy until he comes (Luke 19:13). This means using the time, talents, and resources we have to serve God and others. Even in your limited capacity, God can use you mightily.
Lastly, we want to encourage you to continue praying in the name of Jesus. It's only through him that we have access to God, as it's written in John 14:6 (WEB), "Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me.'" If you ever feel uncertain about your salvation, remember that if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved (Romans 10:9).
Stand strong in the Lord, Ontysh. We are here with you in spirit and in prayer.