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Hello everyone! Let's lift up 
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Let's lift up 
Paroxyromai
Humble Prayer Partner
Here is your text with the necessary redactions applied:
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My Testimony and My Thoughts, Prayers, and Fears
Hi all, The host admin has asked me to share my testimony about my situation and the blessings I’ve experienced through it. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to open my heart and seek your prayers. This testimony condenses events that began on November 9th and have continued up to December 21st. On November 9th, I encountered a man on a Discord server who was connected to my ex-girlfriend ###’s brother. ###’s brother and I are friends, but this man turned out to be another of ###’s ex-boyfriends. As we talked, we discovered we shared strikingly similar personalities. Unfortunately, in a moment of bitterness and immaturity, we decided to bully ### on the server. This led to her leaving the server and asking her brother to block both of us. However, I wasn’t blocked on any platform. At that time, my walk with God was far from where it needed to be. I was abusing alcohol, marijuana, and pornography to cope with my struggles. My buried wounds from my relationship with ### and its aftermath resurfaced, and I was consumed by bitterness and anger. But that night, after the bullying incident, I couldn’t sleep for three nights straight. I didn’t eat for a week. The weight of my actions crushed me, and I was compelled to reflect deeply on my behavior during our relationship and the fallout. I came to a humbling realization: I was not blameless. I had been bitter, angry, vitriolic, cruel, and selfish. I reread the last message I sent ### three years ago, which effectively ended any hope for closure or reconciliation. It broke me. To this day, I refuse to read or share that message again because of the shame it brings. I recalled how, in the past, ### had reached out to me, only for me to coldly respond, “I don’t respect you anymore.” And now, years later, she was being bullied online by two of her ex-boyfriends. My actions were inexcusable. I knew I needed to apologize—not to rekindle anything, but simply to make things right and seek closure. Now I see that the Holy Spirit was convicting me and leading me toward repentance. After weeks of therapy and prayer, I finally sent ### a heartfelt apology. She read the message but deleted her response before I could see it. I later learned that she told her brother he could no longer speak to me but could still talk to the other ex-boyfriend, even though logically speaking, it should be the other way around. Rationally, you would expect her to distance herself from the person she dated more recently, especially since they broke up only seven months ago, while ### and I ended our relationship three years ago. This left me confused and hurt, as her reasoning didn’t seem to follow any logical pattern. I fell back into abusing marijuana to escape the pain, but it only brought more memories to the surface. One night, I was overwhelmed with confusion, sadness, and anger. I sat alone in my basement, crying out in desperation: “Why, Lord? Why does she haunt my mind? Tell me what to feel!” In that moment, I was struck by a profound and pure emotion: love. But it wasn’t selfish or lustful—it was agape love, selfless and unconditional, yet romantic in nature. This left me unsettled. Why would I feel this way about someone who had been out of my life for years? I prayed in Jesus’s name for guidance, and the next morning, I woke up to a direct message from a reverend on Discord. He told me he felt called to reach out to me and asked to hear my story. After prayers and deliberation, he told me, “She will come to you, but you have to wait. Pray for her salvation and for God to illuminate your path.” I struggled to believe this at first—it seemed impossible. Yet, over the next few days, two more individuals (a Catholic friend and my Christian therapist) independently told me the same thing: “She will come to you. Pray and wait.” That same day, my Bible app verse of the day was 2 Corinthians 13:1: “Every matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.” At that moment, I knew God was speaking to me. I began praying daily in Jesus’s name, and my vices of alcohol, marijuana, and pornography fell away. God’s grace sustained me, even when I felt weak. I poured my heart into praying for ###’s salvation, my growth, and guidance for our paths. Since then, the Lord has continued to work in amazing ways. ###, a childhood friend I had a falling out with, reconnected with me and revealed that she was in contact with ###. ### confirmed that ### had seen my apology and shared that she was planning to visit Canada for Christmas. Astonishingly, ### even offered to act as a bridge and mediator between us, without me prompting her. Now, as I wait, I am finding myself struggling with impatience and fear. ### has not yet reached out to ###, and while I desperately want to push things forward, I know I cannot force it. No matter how much I want to take control, I need to surrender this situation entirely to the Lord. I pray in Jesus’s name that ### reaches out to ### soon, that ### is receptive to talking, and that we have a long, cathartic conversation where we both understand each other’s perspectives. I pray in Jesus’s name that this conversation brings clarity, and that we look at each other and see that there is another chance here. I tell all of you—and the Lord—that if He gives me another chance with her, I will never screw it up to the point I did before. I ask that you pray for me, for ###, for ###, and for all these aspects. I’m desperate and would love to hear His voice again. Thank you, host admin, for giving me the chance to share my story, and thank you all for praying for me. The days are coming sooner and sooner, and I am afraid. God bless you all.
---
My Testimony and My Thoughts, Prayers, and Fears
Hi all, The host admin has asked me to share my testimony about my situation and the blessings I’ve experienced through it. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to open my heart and seek your prayers. This testimony condenses events that began on November 9th and have continued up to December 21st. On November 9th, I encountered a man on a Discord server who was connected to my ex-girlfriend ###’s brother. ###’s brother and I are friends, but this man turned out to be another of ###’s ex-boyfriends. As we talked, we discovered we shared strikingly similar personalities. Unfortunately, in a moment of bitterness and immaturity, we decided to bully ### on the server. This led to her leaving the server and asking her brother to block both of us. However, I wasn’t blocked on any platform. At that time, my walk with God was far from where it needed to be. I was abusing alcohol, marijuana, and pornography to cope with my struggles. My buried wounds from my relationship with ### and its aftermath resurfaced, and I was consumed by bitterness and anger. But that night, after the bullying incident, I couldn’t sleep for three nights straight. I didn’t eat for a week. The weight of my actions crushed me, and I was compelled to reflect deeply on my behavior during our relationship and the fallout. I came to a humbling realization: I was not blameless. I had been bitter, angry, vitriolic, cruel, and selfish. I reread the last message I sent ### three years ago, which effectively ended any hope for closure or reconciliation. It broke me. To this day, I refuse to read or share that message again because of the shame it brings. I recalled how, in the past, ### had reached out to me, only for me to coldly respond, “I don’t respect you anymore.” And now, years later, she was being bullied online by two of her ex-boyfriends. My actions were inexcusable. I knew I needed to apologize—not to rekindle anything, but simply to make things right and seek closure. Now I see that the Holy Spirit was convicting me and leading me toward repentance. After weeks of therapy and prayer, I finally sent ### a heartfelt apology. She read the message but deleted her response before I could see it. I later learned that she told her brother he could no longer speak to me but could still talk to the other ex-boyfriend, even though logically speaking, it should be the other way around. Rationally, you would expect her to distance herself from the person she dated more recently, especially since they broke up only seven months ago, while ### and I ended our relationship three years ago. This left me confused and hurt, as her reasoning didn’t seem to follow any logical pattern. I fell back into abusing marijuana to escape the pain, but it only brought more memories to the surface. One night, I was overwhelmed with confusion, sadness, and anger. I sat alone in my basement, crying out in desperation: “Why, Lord? Why does she haunt my mind? Tell me what to feel!” In that moment, I was struck by a profound and pure emotion: love. But it wasn’t selfish or lustful—it was agape love, selfless and unconditional, yet romantic in nature. This left me unsettled. Why would I feel this way about someone who had been out of my life for years? I prayed in Jesus’s name for guidance, and the next morning, I woke up to a direct message from a reverend on Discord. He told me he felt called to reach out to me and asked to hear my story. After prayers and deliberation, he told me, “She will come to you, but you have to wait. Pray for her salvation and for God to illuminate your path.” I struggled to believe this at first—it seemed impossible. Yet, over the next few days, two more individuals (a Catholic friend and my Christian therapist) independently told me the same thing: “She will come to you. Pray and wait.” That same day, my Bible app verse of the day was 2 Corinthians 13:1: “Every matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.” At that moment, I knew God was speaking to me. I began praying daily in Jesus’s name, and my vices of alcohol, marijuana, and pornography fell away. God’s grace sustained me, even when I felt weak. I poured my heart into praying for ###’s salvation, my growth, and guidance for our paths. Since then, the Lord has continued to work in amazing ways. ###, a childhood friend I had a falling out with, reconnected with me and revealed that she was in contact with ###. ### confirmed that ### had seen my apology and shared that she was planning to visit Canada for Christmas. Astonishingly, ### even offered to act as a bridge and mediator between us, without me prompting her. Now, as I wait, I am finding myself struggling with impatience and fear. ### has not yet reached out to ###, and while I desperately want to push things forward, I know I cannot force it. No matter how much I want to take control, I need to surrender this situation entirely to the Lord. I pray in Jesus’s name that ### reaches out to ### soon, that ### is receptive to talking, and that we have a long, cathartic conversation where we both understand each other’s perspectives. I pray in Jesus’s name that this conversation brings clarity, and that we look at each other and see that there is another chance here. I tell all of you—and the Lord—that if He gives me another chance with her, I will never screw it up to the point I did before. I ask that you pray for me, for ###, for ###, and for all these aspects. I’m desperate and would love to hear His voice again. Thank you, host admin, for giving me the chance to share my story, and thank you all for praying for me. The days are coming sooner and sooner, and I am afraid. God bless you all.
