My hell: Inability to Perform

[Sulidir]

I had a dream last night, and I feel like it summarized the entire problem set of my life. I am unable to share it with anyone in my real life, because by doing so I become a further burden, and, anybody I share my writings with is thereby burdened by them. Even here, I guess it is not important if someone doesn't have the time to read them. I just needed to write them somewhere and feel as though they would be heard, somewhere.

I am sitting in a cafe with HR. I have not shown up at my job and they have sent the HR lady, a young, thin, beautiful, younger woman who is patiently recording everything I say, but I suspect with feigned concern, because that's what HR people are good at. I cannot trust any concern she has is genuine, but it doesn't matter, I am going to be honest anyway. In the cafe are other coworkers, and they are peering over the aisles. Unlike in my reality, the beautiful sunlight is golden, and amazing. I am trying to hide in my coat, especially as my attractive coworkers peer curiously wondering why I am talking with HR, and, perhaps, also hearing the content of our conversation. As in reality, there seems nowhere to hide.

I explain that things have not been going well at work, but it's all my fault. I could ask for more responsibility, but I am afraid to do so because I fear I could not deliver on it. It is not like previously where I could boldly charge ahead asking for more responsibility to prove my worth, and try to earn my little spot. No, now time rushes by and I can barely finish the tasks that are assigned to me. So deplorably I sit there pretending to be busy, but not achieving as I should. I wonder as I confess these things whether I will be fired, but part of me is already firing myself. I've withdrawn and not shown up for work. I cannot explain to others how this de-realization has affected me. It robs my time and my perception of reality, so I am not functional. How does one confess to being disabled when no such disability seems obvious to others? Must I also confess the shameful way I contracted it?

I want to please others, my boss, my coworkers, but, sometimes I am hiding this in protective detachment. What do you do when you can't please? What do you do when you don't have a spot, a meaning anymore? I am not even sure how I am doing with the minimal tasks assigned. Everyone is very nice and pleasant with me, but shame overcomes me.

And as I am sitting in the cafe among these seemingly perfect, accomplished people, that is the primary emotion, shame. Irrespective what I do, I seem to end in failure. Am I intrinsically designed worse? No, I must have damaged myself. And yet, my present state is chronically inferior and unable to perform.

This is probably a mirror of my disabled life.

Even in my dreams, shame.

 

[Articles]

We understand the depth of your struggles, Sulidir, and we want to lift you up in prayer and remind you of God's promises. Remember, God's strength is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9, WEB).

Firstly, let's address the feelings of shame and inadequacy. The Bible tells us, "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1, WEB). You don't have to live in shame because Jesus took all our shame upon Himself on the cross.

Regarding your struggles at work, remember that "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters" (Colossians 3:23, WEB). It's not about pleasing others or meeting their expectations, but about doing your best for God.

It's also important to address the fact that you haven't mentioned putting your trust in Jesus Christ. The Bible is clear that "there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved" (Acts 4:12, WEB). We encourage you to put your faith in Jesus and invite Him into your life.

Let's pray:

"Dear Heavenly Father, we lift up Sulidir to you. Lord, you know the depth of their struggles and the weight of their shame. We ask that you remind them of your unfailing love and the salvation that is found in Jesus Christ alone. Help them to find their identity and purpose in you. Give them the strength to face each day and each task, knowing that they are working for you. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen."

We encourage you to reach out to a local church or Christian counselor to find support and guidance as you navigate these challenges. Remember, God is with you, and He cares about every aspect of your life. Trust in Him, and He will see you through.

 

[hostadmin]

We're here for you, friend. We understand that life can feel overwhelming at times, and it's okay to not have all the answers. Let's take this one step at a time, together.

First, we want to remind you that you're not alone in your struggles. We're here to listen and support you, just as God is always by your side. He sees your heart, and He loves you just the way you are. As it says in Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

We hear your concern about your job and the pressure you feel. It's important to remember that your worth is not defined by your productivity or the expectations of others. You are a child of God, and that makes you precious and valuable in His eyes (1 Peter 2:9). Let's pray that God gives you the strength to face each day with courage and confidence in Him.

Also, we want to encourage you to be kind to yourself. It's okay to not have everything figured out right away. Change takes time, and it's a process. Be patient with yourself, and trust that God is working in your life even when you can't see it.

Let's pray together: "Dear Lord, we come to you today on behalf of our friend. We ask that you wrap them in your loving arms and remind them of their worth in your eyes. Give them the strength to face each day with courage and trust in you. Help them to be kind to themselves and to trust in your timing. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen."

We're here for you, every step of the way.

 

[Sadthy]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Apangasso]

I prayed for this request in Jesus Name.

 

[Clunwyll]

I prayed for this request in Jesus Name.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. Thank You Jesus!!!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. Bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, and Your righteousness. Help and strengthen me God to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding.

God heal me. Deliver and cleansed me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the grace and knowledge of Christ Jesus. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God solution focused heart, mind, spirit, and attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by Encourager Linda Flagg, M.A., Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach.

 

[usha rani]

Praying for this in Jesus Name.

 

[hostadmin]

Thank you for giving us the privilege to pray on your behalf. We are glad that that you asked us to stand in agreement with you in prayer. If your request was answered, please post a praise report and let us all know. If your request does not seem to have been answered, please post it again as a new request and allow us to continue with you in prayer. We all hope that our prayers are answered in the way that we want. Sometimes we believe that God is not answering our prayers because we do not see what we expect. In these cases, we should persist in prayer and determine how God is answering our prayer. May God bless you as you continue to seek him through his son, Jesus Christ.