My Final Request In An Unwanted Divorce

[jharris5107]

So I am asking for prayer one last time. My prayers have changed in that I asked the lord to put my family back together but I have a feeiling this is not going to happen. Over the past 4 years my wife had been increasingly abusive to me. I spent every morning being punished with physical abuse (punches, and kicks) for waking my wife per her request. In the afternoons she would lay down for a nap and I would find the same things occuring. I was forced through her control to eliminate my family and freinds from my contacts and also only accept her rules in our marraige. I know I have not told you all this because it is a source of shame for me. My wife always compared me to other people and I was never good enough. I have tried over the last 6 weeks to reconcile the marriage, offering counceling and evidence of my resurgence of faith but everytime she seems on the verge the next minute she rips the hope out from under me. I was only allowed to be a parent under her rules to our 4 year old daughter and she filled our home with people I objected to daily. Do you know what it is like to have another man to share a family meal you and yours and to be told that you would have to go get this man the best cut of steak you could find, even though you had to eat what the rest of the family was eating. To have this man in your house almost every day and to find out even though you have to beg for gas, clothes or money for lunch that your wife is buying him groceries and having him over in your absence. Although I am pretty sure there was no adultery physically,this man became a cancer to our marriage. It was these things that made me turn away from my wife and seek solace in movies, the internet, and video games, and my work. I worked a job I hated day in and day out an passed up promotions that would have been so great for us. I knew unconditional lofe, love that was selfless, becuase even though every part of me told me I was abused and being controlled and set up for a fall; it didnt matter. I loved her and followed her every whim. So now I sit in a little apartment having lost my family and my job. My wife still tries to control everything and I see my baby only 5 days out of every 14. I don't know what gods plan is here, I don't know if its his or the enemy. I only know that I am willing to go back to what I had before regardless of th physical and emotional pain because I love my wife and took vows to do so no matter what came our way. Im asking god to know, to help me. If receonciliation is not the case then close that door, don't allow for my pain to be a source of my wifes joy, give me the strength to love myself again and be the person I was before my marriage, only better. Grant me the ability to be the best father to my little girl I can be and let my wife not restrict that. I ask lord that you grant me throughthe courts of man joint custody because every child deserves equal time with thier parents. I do not seek to take my child from her mom because this is my firm belief. If it is your design lord please I ask for these things. I will not take another wife per your laws, I will not seek any physical comforts, regardless of of the divorce, as that too is against your law. I want to walk in you grace as much as is possible for a person to. Please lord heal my broken heart, my shattered self and my health that has lacked because of it. Make me lord the best me I can be so as to make your proud to call me your son and my daughter to call me her father.

 

[sansmom]

Praying for strength and peace for you. Satan wants you to feel defeated, but with God there is victory. God can take away any pain that you feel and make you proud instead of ashamed. It sounds like you have been through a lot of suffering, but God can heal that pain. Have faith.