Like you, I suffered through 10 years of suicidal depression, and the one thing I have to say to you is that if you have surrendered your life to Jesus Christ and accepted Him as your Lord and Savior, your life and your death belong to Him. Suicide is never the way out. Do not do it. The one thing that God made very clear to me on the day I was planning my suicide was that my life and death are both His, and I had no right to either. The last year of those 10 years was the year I was positive that I was going to die. I was completely wrong, and when things looked worse than ever, God healed me. When I sought God with all of my heart, I found Him. I'm praying that God will teach you how to live, that He will forgive you of your sins and heal you (see James 5:16 below) and release you from bondage and guilt, that He will bring you joy and peace and show you how He sees you in Christ. May God strengthen you and lead you all the days of your life, and may you never lose hope. What is impossible with man is possible with God.
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” - 2 Corinthians 12:9
Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. - Romans 12:2
Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. - James 5:16
...the joy of the Lord is your strength. - Nehemiah 8:10
Recommend reading Ephesians 6:10-20 and Psalms (always good when going through depression)