Mental Battle

[Onyxstrath]

i am struggling with many issues at the moment, and i dont know where to begin. i have a pornography addiction, one which i have been trying to break for years now. i have not gotten over a girlfriend of 5yrs, and the thought of it all haunts me everyday,because she abandoned me. i am full of resentment and malice towards her. i am 27yrs of age and i am now also seeing the fruits of child abuse appearing in my life. my father beat me badly when i was younger and i have a hard time letting go of it. i guess that's why i find it hard to let go of my girlfriend. i am angry at GOD for allowing these things to happen. i blame him for it. i have been praying for answers and an audience with him, but nothing changes. i continue doing the things i know that are wrong. i am so angry at GOD that i am seriously contemplating joining Lucifer. because at least there i will get what i want (material wise), but i know the losses wiil be greater there(my soul). i am so confused, and angry and frustrated at me and my life. i cant even look myself in the mirror. and on top of that i am thinking of suicide. i thought that at least seeking GOD out via reading the bible and praying would fix things-but it hasnt,if only it has gotten worst. i have never seen this so called power of GOD in my life or any manifestation that Jesus is real. and i have all but given up. i am approaching the point of totally giving up on GOD. ive lost faith in him and tthe bible and the church. i see his as a fraud, and a bias person-helping those whom he will. all i wanted was to know him personally and be able to prove him to others. but instead this pain i have in my chest would go away. it feels like a weight. and ive been carrying it for years and i want it to end. my job is not going the way i want. and im tired of doing things i don't want to do anymore. im not happy. i don't know what to be truly happy feels like. and what hurts is that a CHRISTIAN hurt me. the one who preaches love and forgiveness. and was the head culprit of me being the way i am now. i hotugh god would answer my prayers, but instead he blesses her with everything and left me holding the bag.

i hope you understand where i am at, because i havent found someone who does. i saw the advertisement on youtube so i decided to give it a last try before i make up my mind.

so..

i pray that GOD (the creator) would talk to me, and help me to understand what i need to understand...show me how to unlearn the things i need to unlearn...fix me mentally, spiritually and physically...console me and remove my broken heart for a new one, show me how to love and forgive and let go (because those are my worst fears)...and to teach me what my purpose is (if there is one) before i make the decision to join up with Lucifer.

i hope someone will read this soon. enjoy your day/night. goodbye

Dwight (kingdre64@hotmail.com)

 

[Articles]

May God hear your request and grant it according to his will. In Jesus Name, Amen.

 

[The Encourager]

God in Jesus’ name honor this prayer request that has been posted.

Let’s Pray…God I ask in Jesus’ name that you will bless, protect, and cover me with Your Holy Spirit. Bless me with wisdom, knowledge, and discernment from on high. Protect me and everything that You have blessed me with. Keep me safe from all hurt, harm, and danger. Show me my purpose in life. Lead, guide, and direct my footsteps. Use me Lord for Your Glory where ever You may send me. Bless me Lord Jesus to be a blessing. Bless me to walk in my God destiny with power, wisdom, knowledge, and success. Do this for me, all those I love, care about, and the writer of this prayer. Amen, so be it, and it is so.