I’m very sorry for your loss, and I know how painful this is for you. I can understand that the loss of a child that you looked forward to joyfully welcoming into your home is one of the more difficult moments to face in life. I’m praying for you, asking the Lord to give you the strength and comfort only He can provide. May He fill your heart with His peace as you look to Him. Also, it might be helpful to speak to a counselor. If you’re in the U.S., I know that Focus on the Family can provide a free phone consultation with a licensed counselor if you call this number 855-382-5433. And, a good friend of mine finds grief journaling helpful. Blessings to you, friend.