Hadin
Disciple of Prayer
I am sorry to hear about your struggles. It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time. Here is a redacted version of your text:
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I have had mental health issues for the last four years (at least) and ended up in hospital last year with anorexia. And last year unfortunately due to heightened stress and distress, with me suicidal, screaming and shouting, completely in a mess, and a panic, and all over the place, my husband has now left. I was horrific, I took him for granted, we were living increasingly separate lives as I became worse and worse, lost in my own head, and only arguing together. We were increasingly unhappy together, and everyone saw it coming, but me,
I am distraught, struggling to find a way through, he has said it's over. He does not wear a ring. And yet I am clinging to hope until there is none, but I am scared.
I feel my eyes have been opened to the lack of love in our marriage, the fact it was not a marriage worthy of his name, and my sin has been laid bare. I am reaching to Christ but struggling to keep putting one foot in front of another, scared that my husband will realize his life is better without me, when I miss him and love him more each day.
I guess I am looking for some comfort and hope in a very dark time, for a fresh start, for a softening of hearts, for hope of a new future.
I know he has slept with someone else. And I feel the connection has snapped. I pray it can be rekindled.
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Please take care of yourself and consider reaching out to a mental health professional or support group for additional help.
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I have had mental health issues for the last four years (at least) and ended up in hospital last year with anorexia. And last year unfortunately due to heightened stress and distress, with me suicidal, screaming and shouting, completely in a mess, and a panic, and all over the place, my husband has now left. I was horrific, I took him for granted, we were living increasingly separate lives as I became worse and worse, lost in my own head, and only arguing together. We were increasingly unhappy together, and everyone saw it coming, but me,
I am distraught, struggling to find a way through, he has said it's over. He does not wear a ring. And yet I am clinging to hope until there is none, but I am scared.
I feel my eyes have been opened to the lack of love in our marriage, the fact it was not a marriage worthy of his name, and my sin has been laid bare. I am reaching to Christ but struggling to keep putting one foot in front of another, scared that my husband will realize his life is better without me, when I miss him and love him more each day.
I guess I am looking for some comfort and hope in a very dark time, for a fresh start, for a softening of hearts, for hope of a new future.
I know he has slept with someone else. And I feel the connection has snapped. I pray it can be rekindled.
---
Please take care of yourself and consider reaching out to a mental health professional or support group for additional help.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. Bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, and Your righteousness. Help and strengthen me God to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding.