J
jlwoodford
Guest
My husband is filing for a divorce. He walked out on our marriage and from our home a couple of days after Christmas. I’m committed to my marriage and love my husband, heart and soul. We’ve been together for over 10 yrs and have an 8 yr old daughter. He is having an affair with a co-worker (who left her husband recently as well). He has surrounded himself with people who enable him to make poor life choices. He has rejected Godly counsel and rejects the Godly men in his life. He’s told me he doesn’t feel connected to me anymore and there is too many bad memories overpowering the good ones. We have seen a licensed Christian marriage counselor for 6 visits (he won’t go anymore). Right now things are so very difficult.
I pray numerous times a day that God will open his eyes and heart to the possibility of reconciliation and restoration (or I should say re-creation) of our marriage. I pray for the souls of his friend(s) that have gone astray and are helping my husband to make poor and self-centered choices. I pray that those friends find their own path to God (hopefully not the same path my family is on) and find their way home. I am speaking with my pastor often and my daughter and I are attending church and bible study regularly.
I do realize our marriage problems aren’t entirely my husband’s fault. I placed my husband up on this tall, white pedestal that no one could remain on for very long. That pedestal should have been reserved for God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, not my husband. Now he has fallen off, is hurt and wants to run away to something that is easier for him (at the moment at least, he doesn’t realize the long-term ramifications of his choices and how they aren’t better for anyone in our family). I had placed too much pressure on him to be perfect or to live up to what I thought he should be and that was wrong of me. He did the same to me as well and I didn’t live up to his unreasonable expectations either and I fell off my pedestal. We both broke our marriage. However right now he can only blame me for our marriage failure and for making him want to run away. He told me he feels he is the victim. I am willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild our marriage and work for what God wants ad what is good for our daughter and what I want but he doesn’t want to work at it, he just wants out.
I know my sins of miss-communication, not being open about my needs, not being open enough for him to feel he could talk with me about his needs. I didn’t respect my husband properly, verbally or through my actions. I nagged and was very negative, enough so that it hurt him which is what sent him to look for someone else who could maybe give him what he wants (although that is not what he is getting now from his friend(s), not really, he hasn’t realized that just yet). Also we never truly sat down and talked with each other about our relationship, how he and I felt and never sought to get help early on in our marriage. I was blind due to my own selfish needs as he was as well. I didn’t know there was a problem till he said it was too late for our marriage. I don’t feel or believe it is too late for us. I pray it isn’t too late!
I have been reading the bible, love and respect books, working the Love Dare and I am actively practicing what I have come to learn; to give him the unconditional respect and love he needs from me (even when he doesn’t act appropriately, it is his right not something he has to earn). I have apologized directly to him for all of my misgivings and sins against him. I have asked for forgiveness from him and he says he has forgiven me but he hasn’t otherwise he would be able to rebuild and try if he had. I’m trusting that God will see I’m trying to be the wife he wants me to be. I am trying to honor my covenant with God and my husband. I am trying to walk along side Christ and be more Christ like and raise my daughter that way. I pray that God will help open my husband’s eyes and ears, speak to him directly and show him the way back home to God and his family. Please pray: for our marriage to be restored and recreated in the way God wants for it to be; for my husband to hear and feel God’s love in his thoughts and dreams; to bring peace to his soul and to help heal his heart; and to rebuild a strong Christian-based foundation for our marriage rooted in God, love and respect.
I pray numerous times a day that God will open his eyes and heart to the possibility of reconciliation and restoration (or I should say re-creation) of our marriage. I pray for the souls of his friend(s) that have gone astray and are helping my husband to make poor and self-centered choices. I pray that those friends find their own path to God (hopefully not the same path my family is on) and find their way home. I am speaking with my pastor often and my daughter and I are attending church and bible study regularly.
I do realize our marriage problems aren’t entirely my husband’s fault. I placed my husband up on this tall, white pedestal that no one could remain on for very long. That pedestal should have been reserved for God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, not my husband. Now he has fallen off, is hurt and wants to run away to something that is easier for him (at the moment at least, he doesn’t realize the long-term ramifications of his choices and how they aren’t better for anyone in our family). I had placed too much pressure on him to be perfect or to live up to what I thought he should be and that was wrong of me. He did the same to me as well and I didn’t live up to his unreasonable expectations either and I fell off my pedestal. We both broke our marriage. However right now he can only blame me for our marriage failure and for making him want to run away. He told me he feels he is the victim. I am willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild our marriage and work for what God wants ad what is good for our daughter and what I want but he doesn’t want to work at it, he just wants out.
I know my sins of miss-communication, not being open about my needs, not being open enough for him to feel he could talk with me about his needs. I didn’t respect my husband properly, verbally or through my actions. I nagged and was very negative, enough so that it hurt him which is what sent him to look for someone else who could maybe give him what he wants (although that is not what he is getting now from his friend(s), not really, he hasn’t realized that just yet). Also we never truly sat down and talked with each other about our relationship, how he and I felt and never sought to get help early on in our marriage. I was blind due to my own selfish needs as he was as well. I didn’t know there was a problem till he said it was too late for our marriage. I don’t feel or believe it is too late for us. I pray it isn’t too late!
I have been reading the bible, love and respect books, working the Love Dare and I am actively practicing what I have come to learn; to give him the unconditional respect and love he needs from me (even when he doesn’t act appropriately, it is his right not something he has to earn). I have apologized directly to him for all of my misgivings and sins against him. I have asked for forgiveness from him and he says he has forgiven me but he hasn’t otherwise he would be able to rebuild and try if he had. I’m trusting that God will see I’m trying to be the wife he wants me to be. I am trying to honor my covenant with God and my husband. I am trying to walk along side Christ and be more Christ like and raise my daughter that way. I pray that God will help open my husband’s eyes and ears, speak to him directly and show him the way back home to God and his family. Please pray: for our marriage to be restored and recreated in the way God wants for it to be; for my husband to hear and feel God’s love in his thoughts and dreams; to bring peace to his soul and to help heal his heart; and to rebuild a strong Christian-based foundation for our marriage rooted in God, love and respect.
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