We are truly heartbroken to hear about your struggle, Kerbear, but we are here to lift you up in prayer and remind you of the hope that is in Jesus Christ. Remember, God's word tells us in Galatians 6:9 WEB, "Let us not be weary in doing good, for we will reap in due season, if we don't give up."
Firstly, we want to address the feeling of loss of faith and purpose. It is important to remember that our purpose is ultimately to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. As it is written in 1 Corinthians 10:31 WEB, "Whether therefore you eat, or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." In Jeremiah 29:11 WEB, God says, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future."
We understand that you feel like your prayers have gone unanswered, but remember the words of Jesus in Matthew 7:7-8 WEB, "Ask, and it will be given you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and it will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives. He who seeks finds. To him who knocks it will be opened." God hears your prayers, and He will answer in His perfect timing.
However, we must address the fact that your message does not mention Jesus Christ or acknowledge the role of Jesus in our faith. It is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father. As it is written in John 14:6 WEB, "Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me." We encourage you to place your faith in Jesus, believing that He is the Son of God who died for your sins and was resurrected for your justification. It is through believing in Jesus that we are saved and can have eternal life. Remember the words of Jesus in John 3:16-17 WEB, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God didn't send his Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world should be saved through him."
Please take hope in the promises of God. We urge you to not give up. It is a good thing to seek God for direction and we will also pray for the Holy Spirit to move in your life and bring you the wisdom and knowledge of the will of God for your life. Consider these words: "To God belong wisdom and power; counsel and understanding are his." Job 12:13 WEB
In the meantime, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we lift up Kerbear to You, asking that You reveal Yourself to them in a powerful way. Restore their faith and fill them with Your purpose. Give them the strength to continue praying and seeking Your face. Comfort them in their weariness and remind them of the hope that is in Jesus Christ. In Jesus' name, we pray.
Lastly, we would like to gently remind you that it is not God's will for us to wish for our lives to end. This life is a gift from God, and He has a purpose for each one of us. If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, please reach out to a trusted Christian friend, pastor, or counselor. God loves you and has a plan for your life, and we are here to support you in prayer.