Hello Lodseth! Let's continue to pray for:
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Guidance: 
Relationships: @Fredrik's search for a lifelong partner.
Hello everyone! Let's lift up these urgent prayer needs:
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**Home:** 
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**Travel:** Safe travels for 
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**Family:** Prayers for 
mew415
Servant of All
Lord God, I put my trust in your today. Comfort me in and with all my decisions, and lead me away from temptations of all kinds. Thank you Lord for knowing whats going on, because I certainly don't. Thank you for comforting me also. I need your loving embrace. I continue to pray that you be with KGT and help him have clarity to his love for me. Guide him to the right decisions please, help him to realize how much he's hurting me and especially tell him what he's losing. God, this is all up to you now. I'm tired of being jerked around, dragged, helped up then shoved back down. Not only by KGT, but by you also. I don't know what to trust anymore. I am only trusting you to make whatever is supposed to happen, happen. And soon. Or right now. The past 4 months have been painful, unfair and depressing! I haven't known which way to look, I haven't known whom to trust, I have had NO idea what to do or what to say or even how to feel. All I feel now is self pity and anger. Extreme anger. At him, at you.... What good is supposed to come out of this situation? I am seriously doubting KGT's commitment and I wonder if he could even STAY in a relationship with me again. Or would he just run whenever we got in an argument, even over pizza toppings! How can I trust he won't run away again Lord? How can I trust YOU to lead to me to better things? I'm done Lord. I'm done hoping, I'm done waiting, I'm done loving. You KEEP telling me through my daily passage app not to give up, not to lose hope and to keep trusting in you with what I'm praying for. Well God, I tried. And my hope is all gone. There's nothing more to hope for other than Heaven. KGT is too afraid to let him self love me. He's too much of a coward to allow himself to "feel". He's a scared little boy who hides behind his fragile ego. Lord, if him and I are truly TRULY meant to be, MAKE him get over his fear. QUIT LETTING him hide behind his ego. This is stupid. He's stupid. I'm stupid. Why am I supposed to keep hoping? Why am I supposed to keep praying for something that you're seemingly not going to give me?! I want it more than ANYTHING God. I'd quit my job, drop out of school, sell whatever is in the storage unit that I don't need, and over half of my clothes and jewelry. I only need some work clothes, shoes, and workout clothes.... if it meant KGT would commit to me 100% or more and make me his wife for the rest of our days. But, he's not going to commit. You aren't willing to give me this happiness. Yet? I don't know. I'm tired of waiting. This purgatory I'm in is worse than my ruptured cyst, worse than losing 2 liters of blood. Worse than Iritis and uveitis. worse than 2 broken arms, and worse than being broke. Nothing matters if there is no love. 4 months Lord. It's coming to be the holidays, and it's a beautiful time to share with those that you love. Celebrate the birth of our Christ, but, I have no one to share it with. If I can't have KGT, then I don't want to share it with anyone. And, since I'm not allowed (i guess) now to share my life with anyone, then I'll accept being alone for the rest of my life. I'd be happy being the crazy cat lady! But God, I'm giving up. Officially. KGT isn't willing to work things out with me, even though he SAID he wanted to, he's not willing to make compromises, he's not willing to help me or change in any way. He doesn't love me. He is too selfish and childish to be willing to do anything like this for anyone else. All I can pray for, and PLEASE grant me this that I pray Lord, this one last time, is that you create in him the willingness to compromise with me, the willingness to move past our past and move forward TOGETHER as a couple, one unit, and I pray that he allows himself to love me again, 100%, and I pray that you guide him to commit to me, to commit to marriage to me. I pray that you bring him closer to you, calling him to marry me today, call him to be with me, and I pray that you do this all quickly and soon if not right now. I pray that you bless us with a beautiful Christ centered marriage and life together. I pray that you create life through us! Children! Financial stability and comfort. I pray you allow us to glorify and honor you through our marriage and by allowing us to love one another as well as you. Here I am, pouring my heart out, allowing myself to BLEED for him, and I get nothing in return other than a few drunk texts, and a teasing night of "lets get back together" with some tears from him. By which he takes IT ALL BACK. How can I believe you God?!?!? How can I believe him!?!? If it's meant to happen, then make it happen. If it's not, well, then fine. Crazy cat lady here I come. I'm making NO MORE EFFORT to get him back. If it's supposed to be God, then do it. Make him call me. Make him come to my door. I'm not making any effort what-so-ever now. If he wants to be with me, if you want us to be together Lord, he's going to have to come to me. I"m tired of this game that you and him are playing with me. It's not fair, it's hurtful, and it's forcing me to have rage in my heart. But again I say, IF him and I are TRULY meant to be, then do it now. Make it happen now. I'm tired of waiting, and I'm just tired. It's up to you God. I'm not going to ask you for anything or stop you from anything. You were always in charge anyway... so.... whatever was and is going to happen did and will happen anyway, no matter what desires I have in my heart or not. So God, here I am. I'm failing this test. I give in. I am out of hope, out of love, and he's out of time. I can't allow myself to cry over this anymore. It's been too long to keep suffering like this. It's not fair. So, do whatever you need to do to keep me on my chosen path. Or guide me to it if I'm not already on it. Please. I am the best thing that would ever happen to him, for him. And it's absolutely his loss. He took advantage of me, and continues to try, keeping me just barely within arms reach. Well, I'm walking out of his range of reach, God. If he wants to be with me, He's going to have to come get me. Thank you Lord for understanding my pain and suffering, and forgiving me for being so full of rage. Thank you for this day, thank you for allowing me today to make a difference somewhere. Thank you for my family and thank you for always knowing what's best for me. Through the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.
