Honly
Humble Prayer Partner
Lord Almighty another thought has started to worry me, what if Divya too resigns, then there is no department and I fall back into my previous routine of nothing to do. However, Lord I am placing it on your feet and leaving it with you. Lord I am so much better off than before after I started praying to you. Help me to accept your will and to understand that whatever happens is for the best. My coming to Eddamutam was destined and I am here because of your plan. You do have a plan for me which I must unquestionably accept. However, Lord, does that involve staying alone for the rest of my life? Lord please then give me the courage to accept your decision and to be able to move on with that. I am fearful and even if Krishna leaves I will be crestfallen. I am being mean to him as I do expect him to leave. I do not like these boys hanging around and sitting but let your gospel everybody is the same and deserves the same respect and humility from me. Lord I am insecure please help me tackle this insecurity as I am scared that it will consume me. I don’t know what the future has in store for me and if there is light at the end of the tunnel? God if I need to live alone is the ashram not a better place for me once Bristol is not there? At least I can get a job with Mother’s Grace and maybe my sister will provide some company, but Lord the scriptures say that you have a plan for everyone. Will that plan involve me going to the ashram where it is mainly Hinduism? There is idol worship of Kaali ma. God I am going to ask this question of the Bible app and I will await your answer. Lord it’s been a long time since I have felt content in any way. Am I to crush these feelings. I will if they come from the Devil, but Lord you must guide me. Please reveal the truth to me. I do not want to suffer in silence, all by myself in vaccum for the rest of my life. If I have to be alone then please Lord give me a vocation to keep me busy. Be it in Amma’s ashram or here. If the Community Relations Dept falls through then I have nothing. But Lord you have a plan and I need to trust this matter to you. Lord I am scared that Mary will not spend time with me, Rupa will not either and I will be left lonely in the evenings with nothing to do but a devils mind. That is why oh Lord I keep on asking for a vocation, knowing full well that actually I should be waiting patiently as I have given my life to you and you will guide me at every step of the way. Lord I am confused and I pray that you show me the light. As a daughter of yours can I follow the scriptures and yet stay at the ashram? Will it be against the scriptures? Will I be offending you and will you punish me. Lord I saw Amma bring me back to life, give me a job and settle me. She is self realised and a saint not God but a SatGuru. She gives mantras to people including the Jesus mantra. She does not discriminate between anyone rich poor Hindu or Christian. I would not have thought about it at all because I till now believed that there is only one God who loves and takes care of us. He is all pervading and is supernatural. Father am I wrong in this regard? Will you punish me if I go to Amma’s ashram? Lord you need to guide me. I am not Christian born though I am happy to embrace Christianity and you as my Father which I have. But going farther down the road I want to serve humanity. I know how to do that for Hinduism through Amma’s ashram but I do not know how to do that for Christianity. Lord you need to help me please. I am already lost and bewildered. I enjoy the Bible lessons and as I am not learned I respect all that the Bible says as it aligns with what I have learnt except one God and idol worship. I need a vocation to serve people to keep my mind busy. Can you please let me know what I should do Lord. I still long for peace and a calling, please Lord show me what it could be& how I can make myself useful. Please guide me Lord for this child is forlorn and lost. In God’s name, I praise you Father. In Jesus’s name Amen