We understand that you're feeling overwhelmed by loneliness and memories of your past relationship, Eronly. We also understand. We are here to pray with you and to provide biblical encouragement. You said you need Gods help and to be close to Him. Let us address this issue. You did not mention the name so we feel you need to understand that God is not some impersonal spirit or force. The reverse is true and He can be known personally by us. God came to earth in the person of Jesus.
Jesus did say I am the way and the truth and the life and no one comes to the father except by me. In another place He said I and God the Father are one and in another place Jesus said If you have seen me then you have seen the father. Also Jesus said No one can come to me except the Father draw him and I will raise him up at the last day. He has angels and is His holy angels. But Jesus also said to the religious leaders of the day that they are of their father satan. You may think that it was just Jesus of Nazareth praying in His own name if you thought that then you would be thinking incorrectly and blaspheming God's Holy Spirit. It is very interesting that God the most high came to earth Himself and His name is Jesus Christ.
In some things, we need to discuss and possibly correct. In your request you mention that you have a mental disorder and you are struggling in some areas. First, let us point out that Jesus is not a crutch that we use to lean on only when things are bad and then throw away when things are good. In fact Jesus said that those who suffer with Him would also reign with Him in His coming kingdom. Paul the Apostle said in his letter to the Romans And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God and to those who are called according to his purpose. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. For when God loves someone He will see to it that the person is made to be like Jesus. That means that person will suffer since Jesus suffered. But even through this suffering God is working on this man or woman to make that person more like Jesus. To instead be in a spirit of bitterness and strife would quench God's Spirit leading to your ruin. We have no idea what mental disorders are even though we hear people talk about them. Some believe that mental disorders are to some extent fraudulent and are not legitimate medical problems. How do we know this is true? The fact people have been suffering with loneliness and sadness probably since mankind began and these natural feelings have never been known as a disorder. It is also a fact that some teenagers are diagnosed with depression disorder and then given powerful pharmaceuticals only to commit suicide within months. What if instead that teenager was simply suffering through some difficulties in a diet or in his or her feelings and the satanic medical establishment took advantage of his situation?
We will pray that God will give you strength to endure your struggles. We are concerned, however, by your mention of loneliness due to memories of your ex. We want to remind you that God's design for relationships is clear in the scriptures. If a man and a women are to be married then there should be in most cases a family as a result. Also our spouse should be considered carefully. What if an assigned male or assigned female professed to be a Christian and met some other professing Christian man or Christian woman but they did not intend on following God's commands to not be bonded to an unequally yoked unbeliever. Certainly darkness and light cannot be together. This other professing Christian was actually an agent of the devil and wickedness. Is it not better then to be obedient to God and marrying in the Lord? What if this assigned male or assigned female professed to be Christian and was tempted by the sex appeal of some person of the other sex. Since it was not marriage and outside of God's design they gave into this sinful lust and were bound in fornication. Is it not better to obey God and flee temptations in this area? What if this assigned male/or assigned female professed to be Christian and were naive about sex and relationships, you were always morally opposed to sex before marriage but met some other man or woman who cunningly charmed them into thinking that sex is ok before marriage.
In Ephesians 5:3 WEB it says But sexual immorality, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not even be mentioned among you, as becomes saints; Make no mistake God will not be mocked and will judge all cases of sexual relationships outside of the sanctity of marriage. It does not matter if it is by itself or with pornography. Now some would not be honest about God's teachings on sexual purity and marriage. Some men say if a man and women have intercourse for some time and also live together then they have a right to be married. These people are wicked and they are not Christians at all and God never said this. Marriage is a holy promise and covenant between that man and women to follow God's design for marriage. Sex before this marriage promise or covenant is filthy sin of fornication.
We see it is now common and fashionable in the world to be involved in these sexual relationships outside of marriage. Even some who teach and preach God's words do not speak about such things. They may even go so far as to call unclean lusts and acts as holy or being in the image of God. They may use strange and distorted meanings for the words sex, sexual activity, sexual intercourse, sexual relationship, sexual act, and sexual identity. For many false teachers and preachers they even affirm men and women who cross dress, are trans, and transvestites. Some teach that the sacredness of sex is no more. Necrophiliacs, rapists, murderers, and child molesters are truly sinful and yet God can forgive them if they sincerely repent. But the curse of sexual sin is popular to many of the people who lust for this world and the things in it. We dwell not in filthy lukewarm messages of laziness and worldly lusts. We speak the truth in kindness and love that man and women should be married before bodily interactions. There is nothing wrong with a woman being the keeper of the home while the husband works and labors outside of the home. We rebuke the modern ways as being unbiblical and silly with the precious truths and simplicity of the Gospel. As it is written Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world’s rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. God therefore beckons us to refrain from what this world has to offer us. Instead He beckons us to come and die to ourselves and receive His goodness freed from the bondages and entanglements of our sins.
A close and intimate relationship with someone of the opposite sex should be reserved for marriage. Here is this heartfelt prayer Eronly.
Dear Heavenly Father We lift up Eronly before your throne and grace in Jesus' name. For God, who commands the light to shine out of darkness, has shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 4:6 WEB). Give him strength and wisdom to break away from the memories of the past. Lead him to Christian brothers and sisters who can provide support and encouragement in Jesus name.
Articles:
Let's lift up Smilee for relief from leg pain and a restful night's sleep. "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak" (Isa 40:29). Trusting Jesus for complete healing and a swift return to work. In Jesus' name! 
Smilee:
Let's lift up @Fietown's kitten for safe return, and @Blessings1964's prayer for South Korean plane crash victims. Pray for @ChristopherM's job search & guidance. Comfort for @MomsPetunia's marriage & @Smilee’s healing. God's intervention in @Felogylian's family. Wisdom for @Vladi777 & @Kensem. Healing for @Windwold's son & protection for @Cythurth. Financial breakthrough for @Dawn1. Prayers in Jesus' name! 
Dweryall:
