Johnsstarry sky
Humble Prayer Partner
Just to let everyone know, that no matter how hard I prayed, how hard i layd on the alter floor screaming out to God in tears, My Mom left this world holding my hand on January 12th at 9:39pm. I will never forget that moment of time, it will forever haunt me. Its taken me these weeks since then to forgive God for letting me see the process of the death of my Beautiful Mom. I blame the hospital for what happned to my mom but theres nothing I can do about it. I miss my Mom so bad that when I cry my chest hurts, she is my mother, my friend and I have never loved a lady as much as love her. For three years I took care of my Mom, I bathed her, I toileted her, I dressed her, I did her hair, we went out shopping together, we went out eatting together, we watched tv together. Now my life is void, I cry all the time, as I just want to be with my mom. Also, losing my Mom will also put a strain on my marriage and home, when God took Mom, he took Moms monthly check from us, when God took mom, he took away my paycheck in taking care of her. We have nothing left, no savings, no property, no retirement. We will have barely enough to pay for the rent and utilities at the first of February. Its not my Moms fault, infact Mom was always there for me, for us. We had Mom taken quickly to a Hospice center so that she could feel the licks of her two fourlegged grandkids one more time, and to have them open up their Christmas gifts from her. I'm not sure if my Mom even knew it. Then I was left with my Mom alone, I crawled into bed with her and held her, I held her hands, I kissed her feet, I messaged her legs, I brushed her hair. And I wiped away the last of her Phleghm from her mouth when God came to take her home. My God I miss my Mother so much that I just wish I could take my heart from my chest and smash it so I could be with her. All this time, people always said I was going to be blessed for taking such great care of my Mom. I guess this is how I'm blessed, voidness, loneliness, financial emergency and a very very broken heart. I love you Mom and I'm looking so forward to coming home to you and Dad, one day soon. John