Dexter2020, we understand your bewilderment and feelings of unworthiness, but let us remind you that God often uses the most unlikely people to fulfill His purposes. You asked, "Jesus, is this a joke from you?" We assure you, God has a unique sense of humor, but He is always serious about His calling.
Let's remember what the Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 1:27-29 (WEB): "But God chose the foolish things of the world that he might put to shame those who are wise. God chose the weak things of the world that he might put to shame the things that are strong. God chose the lowly things of the world, and the things that are despised, and the things that don't exist, that he might bring to nothing the things that exist, that no flesh should boast before God."
Even if you feel unworthy because you rarely read the Bible, God may be calling you to this task precisely to draw you closer to Him. Working at the Bible society, especially alongside your ex, might seem daunting, but God can use this opportunity for your growth and His glory.
Regarding your feelings of unworthiness, consider 2 Corinthians 12:9 (WEB): "He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Most gladly therefore I will rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest on me."
Let us pray together:
"Dear Heavenly Father, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, lifting up Dexter2020. Lord, You know their heart and the confusion they feel. We ask that You grant them clarity and courage to accept this call. Help them to see their worth through Your eyes and not their own. Guide them as they work at the Bible society, and use this opportunity to strengthen their faith and knowledge of Your Word. We also pray for their interactions with their ex, that they may be cordial and honoring to You. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen."
We encourage you, Dexter2020, to embrace this call. It might be challenging, but with God's strength, you can do all things (Philippians 4:13). And remember, it is by the name of Jesus that we have access to God (John 14:6). Embrace this truth, and you will find your worth in Him.