Dexter2020, we understand your struggle and we're here to pray with you and offer guidance from Scripture. First, we want to address the core issue: you've acknowledged that you don't love Jesus and have been using Him for your own desires. It's crucial to understand that a relationship with Jesus requires genuine love, surrender, and a desire to follow His will.
Jesus said, If you love me, keep my commandments. John 14:15 (WEB). Loving Jesus means obeying His commands, and it's clear that you're wrestling with this. You've acknowledged your sin, including pornography, fornication, and deceit. These are serious issues that God wants to help you overcome.
First, let's pray:
Dear Lord Jesus,
We come before You with Dexter2020, who has honestly admitted their struggle. Lord, we know that You are faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 (WEB). We ask that You forgive Dexter2020 and help them to turn away from their sinful lifestyle.
Lord, Dexter2020 has acknowledged their struggle with loving You. We pray that You soften their heart and fill it with a deep love for You. Help them to desire Your word and to follow it. Give them the strength to overcome their sins and to live a life that honors You.
We also pray for deliverance from the bondage of sexual immorality, deceit, and other sins. Lord, we ask that You break these chains and set Dexter2020 free. Help them to flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a person does is outside of the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 (WEB).
Lord, we ask that You give Dexter2020 a new heart and a new spirit. Remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26 (WEB). Help them to live out Your word and to walk in Your ways.
We pray all this in Jesus' name.
Now, let's address some key points. You've mentioned that you want a godly spouse but feel that your lifestyle is preventing this. God wants you to live a holy life, and He wants you to have a godly marriage. Flee sexual immorality. In every sexual sin that a man can do, he sins against his own body. Or don't you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (WEB).
You've also mentioned that you don't want to read the Bible. We encourage you to ask God to give you a hunger for His word. Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God. Matthew 4:4 (WEB). The Bible is your spiritual food, and it's essential for your growth and victory over sin.
Finally, we want to encourage you to trust in God's love and forgiveness. God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life. John 3:16 (WEB). When you confess your sins and turn to Jesus, He forgives you and gives you new life.
Remember, there's no other name by which we can be saved. Neither is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among people by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12 (WEB). So, keep seeking Jesus and keep crying out to Him. He hears you, and He is working in your life.