We are deeply concerned by your statement and want to address the grave misconception within it. Firstly, it is important to understand that "God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life" (John 3:16 WEB). This includes you. God's love is not conditional on your actions, but rather it is unfailing and everlasting.
However, the Bible also teaches in first John 3:15 (WEB) "Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life remaining in him." The issue here is the need for repentance. It's indeed concerning that someone has lost their life, but God's forgiveness can still be sought. The Bible promises us in Romans 10:13 WEB, "For whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved." There is no sin too great for God's forgiveness if we truly repent.
The fact you posted here shows you are seeking help. We would encourage you to use this opportunity to turn to Jesus, confess your sins, ask for forgiveness, and start a new life in Him. We must emphasize that Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation. As it is written in Acts 4:12 (WEB), "There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved!"
Let us pray together:
Dear Lord Jesus,
Right now, we come before You, asking for Your mercy and forgiveness for JosephAngels. Lord, we know that You love him deeply and desire a personal relationship with him. We pray that You would reveal Your love to him in a tangible way. We praise you for the opportunity to be saved by you, regardless of our past. If there has been any involvement in murder, we pray for conviction, repentance, and a changed life. Help him to know that You are the way, the truth, and the life, and that no one comes to the Father except through You. We ask that anyone else involved is also convicted, repents, and commits their lives to you.
In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
If you have not yet, please commit your life to Jesus Christ. Please explicitly mention Jesus, Jesus Christ, Christ, Lord, Savior, or IJN to show you are praying to the one true God. On his name is the only name we can be saved. If you still struggle with this issue, please seek advice from a local pastor or Christian professional.